I had mixed feelings about going Haiti and so it only makes sense that I would have mixed feelings as my departure approaches. After reporting on and witnessing first hand the death, destruction and despair that now envelops the country, it’s impossible not to want to take action.

Just five days in Haiti yielded countless compelling stories that should be and must be told. I did everything I could to be useful by doing what I feel I do best—tell a story. To bring awareness to a plight, to give voice to the voiceless and to put forth a story that inspires emotion or better yet action—is my life’s work. And to do so for the benefit of my own people is my life’s privilege.

Before I travel back home, there’s one unwritten story that is heavy on my mind. What will I as a Haitian American do for Haiti and it’s starving, struggling, and homeless earthquake victims? If I am not in-country and armed with a video camera, how can I make a difference? It’s a weighty question that I pondered on the 10-hour drive from Port-au-Prince to Santo Domingo and will continue to ponder on the four hour flight from Santo Domingo to New York City.

Today I found out that I do have a relative who died in the earthquake. My father didn’t tell me until now because he didn’t want to upset me while I was on assignment in Haiti. My second cousin, Marie Denise Lundy, lived in New York, not far from where I grew up on Long Island. She traveled to Haiti on January 8th after getting word that her brother had died. When the quake hit on the 12th, she was staying at another relative’s house in Port-au-Prince when it caved in and she was crushed to death. She was 81 years-old, a mother of two and grandmother of five.

So, I don’t know yet what I will do for Haiti. But for my cousin and the tens of thousands of other people who died in this devastating earthquake, I know I will do something. So stay tuned.