In 1993 I had one of the most heated arguments I’ve ever had with a reporter in my capacity as a spokesperson. We debated whether or not it was true that then-first lady Hillary Clinton really sat and participated in a meeting to discuss the details of an upcoming state dinner. After having been on Capitol Hill for a series of meetings on health care reform, the male reporter on the other end of the phone simply refused to believe that someone who was so “well-educated”, “intelligent” and steeped in policy would care to attend to the details of entertaining guests, even if that guest was a visiting head of state. After nearly 45 minutes I finally barked, “how is this any different from what women across the country — perhaps your own wife — do everyday?” Silence.
As the daughter of a “well-educated” single mom who worked, I was and continue to be truly stunned that the reporter could not grasp that a first lady, like women do all-day, everyday, juggles multiple responsibilities. Whether we work in or out of the home we are organizers, bookkeepers, chefs, hostess, homework helper, phone banker, boo-boo kisser, friend, caretaker, sister, mother, daughter, boss; as well as fill in the blank: lawyer, social worker, teacher, stock broker, senator.
Nearly 20 years later, a column in the New York Times written by Maureen Dowd criticizing Michelle Obama felt equally as disconnected from the current reality of women’s lives in America, and the nature of the role of first lady/mom-in-chief/advocate for child nutrition/Democratic Party campaigner. Do we really think that not spending a birthday together is a sign of turmoil – particularly in this town where many a reporter or staffer has missed a child’s first step, or wedding anniversary?
Unlike any other “job”, the first lady can’t be hired, fired or elected. She is an unpaid volunteer with an unknown and un-knowable level of influence. The role itself is undefined and always changing – a reflection in part of American culture at that moment in time. Like my former boss, I imagine that Michelle is trying to ensure that her children have as much of a “normal” childhood as possible, while balancing the honor and unique reality of life in the White House. Early in the Clinton administration Hillary unintentionally created a ruckus when – as she had done many times before – she went to cook scrambled eggs for Chelsea, who was not feeling well. The staff in the White House kitchen were beside themselves at the idea of a first lady actually cooking the eggs herself.
As one of the most visible women in America, almost everything a first lady does — what she wears, how she looks, how she spends her time — apparently even what her trips might suggest (or not) about the status of her marriage – is fair game for question and critique. Frances Cleveland so angered the Women’s Temperance Union by wearing dresses that showed her bare arms, they signed a petition accusing her of corrupting young women. When it was “discovered” that Hillary had gotten a new hairdo during a weekend trip to New York City, our press office was flooded with calls from reporters asking questions like what kind of message she was trying to send to American women. No doubt that when Mrs. Roosevelt first served as a surrogate for her husband, or Pat Nixon (thank you Pat!) first wore pants in public, questions about appropriateness were raised.
Implicit in the role is also an opportunity to influence the national dialog and public policy in a manner unlike any other in an administration. Betty Ford helped bring the issues of cancer and drug addiction out of the shadows in a way that has literally changed lives and attitudes. Mrs. Obama’s focus and advocacy on childhood obesity and nutrition comes at a time when an estimated one third of children and two thirds of adults are overweight or obese and therefore more likely to develop diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.
As the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll confirms, Michelle Obama continues to be the most popular person in the Democratic Party, so she must be doing something right. She is a huge asset in high demand on the campaign trail. During the 2008 campaign she was known as the “secret weapon”. In politics, the flip side of being such an asset is that you can also be a political target. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the Spain trip – given her popularity, its not surprising that the GOP would pounce on an opportunity to attack.
In her column Maureen suggested that the constraints a first lady faces are unique to the role. She wrote, “the job of first lady, tightly constrained by convention, is hard for modern women”. Every woman I know struggles in her own way with the expectations of conventional roles and the modern opportunities our mothers hoped we would have. Michelle, like so many women and every other first lady is clearly working to balance her life in the way that is right for her and her family. As our nation’s first African-American first lady she is an incredible role model for all women and girls (and men too), and she is likely challenging many beliefs, stereotypes and attitudes about black women. Rather than attack, criticize or speculate, let’s give Michelle the same room the rest of us would like to have as we navigate our lives.
