Alphabetize your pantry
Who doesn’t hate fishing around your cabinets for that can of chicken noodle soup? An alphabatized cabinet will put your trusty chicken noodle right where it belongs – in the C section!
(© TheSupe87 – Fotolia.com)
Make a mixtape
Everyone’s a rapper these days, why can’t you be one? When a kid can reach internet stardom chanting “I’m Ellen Degeneres,” the industry is your pearl. Even Serena Williams is rumored to be in the studio. What are you waiting for? Here’s to five mics from The Source buddy.
(© Kramografie – Fotolia.com)
Search for change in your couch cushions
Pennies, nickels and dimes are generally frowned upon by the folded-bill elite, but ask any savvy panhandler and he’ll tell you those little Abe Lincolns add up. While those poor taxpayers in London are forking over an estimated $32 million to help pay for that wedding, you’ll be stacking dough from your own couch cushions. Win!
(© Phase4Photography – Fotolia.com)
Watch an infomercial
Frustrated cause you can’t reach your remote control when you’re under a blanket? Looking for an easy way to lose 90 lbs in 90 days? Or maybe you’re on the market for an all-in-one utensil that can slice/dice/chop/strain/roast and is dishwasher safe. All your life’s inconveniences can be remedied in six easy payments of $39.95, and they’re all just an infomercial away. Indulge yourself in cash on delivery, and relish in solving problems you never knew you had.
(© AVAVA – Fotolia.com)
Make hair arts and crafts
Have you ever seen the billowing knots known as tumbleweave wandering your metropolis? Do you have spare strips of synthetic hair loitering your domicile? Maybe you’re just like me – your hair sheds like crazy and you’ve got enough loose strands to make a small wig for a house cat. Put those stray locks to creative use and make something brilliant.
(© shatteredlens – Fotolia.com)
Check children for head lice
School nurses are the patron saints of gross little kid ailments. Give your local lady the day off and handle the unsightly task of checking for head lice. Lucky for you if you’re checking heads at Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary. Everyone else, remember your gloves and hand sanitizer.
(© gpalmer – Fotolia.com)
Work on your Bill Cosby impression
Three words: Jello pudding pops. Of course, I favor this ‘80s era Bill of my childhood, but if you want to master the curmudgeonly Bill as of late, more power to you.
(Photo by Paul Natkin/WireImage)
Design tattoos for basketball players
Prince William, Prince Shmilliam — it’s NBA playoffs season. Have you seen Chris Andersen’s tattoos? This man takes tattooing to another level. His neck looks like a box of crayolas. It reads “free bird.” That’s pretty doggone epic. Get in on the action and design your own awesomely outrageous tattoos. Some design suggestions: a basketball surrounded by flames, praying hands, a machete-weilding school mascot.
(© terex – Fotolia.com)
Clip your toenails
Face it: your feet hurt not cause your shoes are too small, but because you’ve got talons on your toes. Do yourself a favor and put your toes out of their misery. You can even build in a game seeing how far you can shoot the clippings off the clipper. Fun and good for you, all built in one!
(© Chad McDermott – Fotolia.com)
Sleep
Cause the doggone wedding airs at 4am EST. Really, who would wake up for that?
(© poco_bw – Fotolia.com)
Do you have royal wedding fever? Do you swoon over the thought two lucky kids embarking on a multi-million dollar journey to royal wedded bliss?
Well back away from this article, sir. This isn’t for you.
This is for the millions of living, breathing, and thinking people who couldn’t care less about Kate Middle-whatever and Princess Diana’s kid — who are annoyed by the media’s endless barrage of breathlessly fanatical royal wedding coverage, and would rather watch paint dry than read another story speculating on who’s designing the wedding dress.
Don’t get sucked into the madness, you’ve got better things to do. Here are ten things you can do instead of watching the royal wedding.
