TheGrio Daily

Criminal justice tips for MAGA Republicans

Episode 143
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“Why doesn’t Trump just go back to Africa if he doesn’t like this country so much? It’s obvious he hates America.” Since the indictment of former president Donald Trump, his supporters suddenly no longer have faith in the country’s criminal justice system. The same system they continuously tell Black people to respect and obey. To help ease this newfound hatred, Michael Harriot has some tips for MAGA nation on how to deal with the law. 

Full transcript below.

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Panama Jackson [00:00:00] You are now listening to theGrio’s Black Podcast Network. Black Culture Amplified. 

Michael Harriot [00:00:05] Yo, I don’t know if y’all heard this crazy news story, but apparently Donald Trump has been indicted, and Republicans are saying that the criminal justice system is, sit down for this one, is unfair. So that’s why I want to welcome you to theGrio Daily, the only podcast that will give criminal justice tips for people who are just discovering injustice in America. I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but according to Republicans, the criminal justice system is racist, it’s anti-white, it’s bias. People are weaponizing the Department of Justice for political purposes. I couldn’t believe it. Right. I don’t know where they get this information from because I’ve never heard anything like this in history. Right. The only thing I could even find close to this is when the guy named J. Edgar Hoover created this program that allowed people to call and report people in the FBI for racial bias. But they had to use a coin-operated telephone. One of those old payphones. So it was the coin telephone program. I think that’s what COINTELPRO stands for. I’m pretty sure. But now, since Trump was indicted on 37 charges of mishandling classified documents, apparently, people are discovering that there might be a little bit of bias in the criminal justice system. Again, I’m still waiting for all the evidence to come out because I don’t know if I believe this thing about injustice in America and jurisprudence system being unjust, judges being biased. Of course, there’s a study that showed that Black people who commit a crime get 20% longer sentences than white people who commit the same crime with the same criminal history. But, you know, I’m not sure that’s a one-off or something like an anomaly. 

Michael Harriot [00:01:55] But anyway, I just wanted to give all of these people who are discovering this bias some tips from Black people because Black people kind of know about bias a little bit. So I just want to give you like ten tips. How about number ten, you shouldn’t play the victim. Don’t be a snowflake, people. Look, I get it. Anyone as examine the statistics and see that the Justice Department is only targeting white presidents. But you got to stop whining about it, right? Instead of whining, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps or make believe that you shot an unarmed Black person in the face and just wait for all the facts to come out. You know how ya’ll do. So just don’t be a snowflake. I think that is a pretty good tip. Number nine is examine your own culture, right? White culture before you start blaming the Justice Department or the FBI, or even Joe Biden. Why don’t you just examine your own culture? For instance, Donald Trump got five kids from three baby mamas, so he might be able to focus on where he put his classified documents if he was spreading babies all over the country. Right. Or how about like looking at who you look at as role models? Donald Trump look up to people like Vladimir Putin, and he hangs out with people like Steve Bannon, who’s been indicted for crimes. You’ve got to get some better role models. And stop listening to that trash, violent music like the music from Kid Rock and Ted Nugent and Ye. Don’t listen to that, because that can put all kinds of bad stuff in your head. You know what I mean? Now that I think about it, I just remember that Trump’s father was arrested at a Ku Klux Klan rally. So, you know, maybe it’s how he was raised. 

Michael Harriot [00:03:32] Number eight, you should stop resisting. Like, why ya’ll always resist? Maybe you should just comply. Them people told you to hand over all the classified documents. They even came to pick them up themselves, and you didn’t hand them all over. So if you would have complied, maybe you wouldn’t be in this predicament that you’re in now. Or just like the people at the January 6th insurrection, they had whole barricades set up to stop y’all. So if ya’ll would had just complied with those officers who were there, maybe I wouldn’t be getting all these sentences and incarceration that you’re experiencing now. Y’all want to say that y’all are being unjustly treated, but maybe I should just stop resisting. 

Michael Harriot [00:04:10] And number seven, why don’t you just get over it? Y’all got to stop living in the past. Like I know y’all like to talk about how the Republicans are the party of Lincoln and how the KKK were all Democrats, but y’all got to stop living in the past. I know y’all long for the days when men were able to just dish out money to porn stores and grab any woman by the vagina. But you got to just stop living in the past and get over things. Like stuff like this has existed throughout history. Did Julius Caesar whine when he was impeached by the Senate on the Ides of March? How about Marie Antoinette? She was impeached, and just before they cut off her head, she didn’t complain about it, she said, Let them eat cake. How about Jesus, right? Like, what would Jesus do? Well, when he was indicted by the Sanhedrin, it only took him three days to get over it. So, you know, be like Jesus. 

Michael Harriot [00:04:58] Number six, y’all got to stop being so divided because there are good people on both sides. So stop blaming everything on systemic issues. Right. What about the drug dealers that Trump wanted to kill? If it was a systemic issue, then that same Justice Department wouldn’t have indicted him. How about the judges who acquitted people like Kyle Rittenhouse? Like if it was a systemic issue, how is this the same criminal justice system that let Kyle Rittenhouse out or that weaponized federal law enforcement agencies doing the George Floyd protest? But now you want to complain about it. 

Michael Harriot [00:05:33] Or you could always deflect. That’s number five, right? How about deflecting? You know white people love to say, “But what about?” I think you should use that tactic when people bring up Trump’s crimes. Say but what about those emails? I mean, you know, Ivanka actually used a declassified email address to send classified information, but we’re not talking about that. Right. If you know I was involved in an insurrection, I’d deflect by talking about the Justice Department, too. You should just use that deflection technique. Whenever somebody talks about Trump, just s chanting, lock him up. That probably won’t work. 

Michael Harriot [00:06:05] How about number four? How about building a wall? If you really cared about classified documents, you might want them in a secure place. I don’t know if this is true, but I heard that y’all believe that when you put a wall around something, it’s secure. So don’t be mad at the government for wanting to keep those classified documents in a secure location that was walled off from the public from foreign interests. I mean, y’all had them in a bathroom, which is not very secure. So you should be chanting or asking the government to build that wall. 

Michael Harriot [00:06:38] How about number three? I know Trump has said a lot about shithole countries. So maybe also just send Trump back, right? My people are from South Carolina. Trump’s people are from New York. And if you go back far enough, we’re all from Africa, though, so why don’t you go back to Africa if he don’t like this country so much? Right. It’s obvious he hates America. He’s fighting the Justice Department. He’s fighting the intelligence community. So why don’t he go back to Africa? 

Michael Harriot [00:07:06] How about number two, this is a good one, right? Y’all should stop race-baiting and saying this is anti-white because, you know what? Not all Justice Department’s right. You got to remember the Justice Department also investigated Mike Pence and Joe Biden. So it can’t be anti-white. How can they be racist? I bet some of their best friends are Republicans. Or just because somebody disagrees with how you openly flaunted classified information don’t mean that they’re Trump-phobic. Maybe they just disagree with your lifestyle. Most people have never seen classified information come out of the closet, so they might be just set in their ways. You know, they come from a different time, and they don’t see color. 

Michael Harriot [00:07:42] And the number one piece of advice for the people who are complaining about injustice in America is maybe you should make America great. If you really want to make America great then you got to try not being a racist, hateful, lying, rapey, transphobic, incompetent, election-denying, fascist, science-denying, narcissist, power-hungry, delusional, privileged, white nationalist, conspiracy theorist hell-bent on burning down the fragile, semi-democracy, kindling made of bigotry, xenophobia, white fear, and conspiracy theories. Or here’s another one. Maybe you should just go away. Yeah. You alone can fix it. 

Michael Harriot [00:08:18] Even more than that, my advice is to just download theGrio app to tell a friend about this podcast, to subscribe on all the platforms. And of course, we always leave you with a Black saying. And today’s Black saying is, “Remember, justice anywhere is a threat to white people everywhere.” We’ll see you next time on theGrio Day. If you like what you heard, please give us a five-star review. Download theGrio and subscribe to the show, and to share it with everyone you know. Please email all questions, suggestions, and compliments to the podcast at theGrio dot com. 

Panama Jackson [00:08:55] You are now listening to theGrio’s Black Podcast Network. Black Culture Amplified. 

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