Kardashian Kurse: 10 examples that prove Black people should stay away from the Kardashians
Wait. Is Kris Jenner masterminding all this?
Writer Dustin Seibert thinks it is mighty fishy how all these Black people who deal with the Kardashians end up taking Ls. Maybe Black folks should stay away from the Kardashian/Jenner clan?
I’ve spent the last few days reeling from watching Kanye West commit Japanese ritual suicide with his career in what might be the saddest thing to happen in hip-hop since Bow-Wow retired.
A lot of Kanye apologists (who’ve been catching the block button on social media from educated people who know better) have employed the same ridiculous, revisionist history that he did to make their loud, wrong and stupid-ass points about the extremely well-documented topic of American slavery.
I wonder if this 180-degree turn from the “Old Kanye” has anything to do with his relationship to his (formerly) MAGA-spewing stepmother-in-law Caitlyn Jenner. I also wonder what good has come to the seemingly interminable cavalcade of black men who associate with the Kardashian Klan in general.
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It still blows my mind that all these rich, successful and attractive dudes, who can command any woman they want, look at that mess of ass implants, lip fillers and required appearances on Keeping Up With the Kardashians – which has been kicking for 11 years on the strength of whole scenes involving taking selfies – and say, “Yo, I want a piece of that!” Are white women really a helluva drug like that?
Sure, I respect the hustle of matriarch Kris Jenner, who basically crafted a multi-million-dollar dynasty through a family with no marketable skills. But there’s a part of me that wonders if she is literally using Negroes as part of the brand.
READ MORE: TMZ’s Van Lathan said everything we’ve been wanting to say to Kanye West
These people gravitate toward Black genitalia like it contains the antidote. We’re talking about a white mother and the fact that five of her six white-ass children are romantically involved with Black people. I’m not saying it can’t happen, but…
Kim and Kanye have created some really cute swirl babies. Other than that, I haven’t seen a mess of positivity coming to the Black folks in the Kardashian orbit. Not only have their careers not been bolstered by association, but I’ll bet it’s served as a detriment.
I’m not saying that black folks are better off avoiding Kardashians…I’m just saying Black folks are better off avoiding Kardashians. Here’s a (not-exhaustive) list of famous Black folks who’ve been caught in their Cobra clutches.
Kris Humphries
CAMDEN, NJ – SEPTEMBER 25: Kris Humphries #43 of the Philadephia 76ers poses for a portrait during the Philadelphia 76ers Media Day on September 25, 2017 at the Philadelphia 76ers Training Complex in Camden, New Jersey. (Photo by Abbie Parr/Getty Images)
Kim is on her third marriage to a Black man; the first was to an allegedly abusive dude named Damon Thomas; the second was to NBA center Kris Humphries, following an absurdly expensive and highly publicized marriage that lasted fewer days than it took you to qualify for full benefits at your current job. Because Black Twitter doesn’t forget shit, a really old tweet from Kim to Humphries involving the “s-word” is getting some new burn this week for obvious reasons.
I’m a slave for you… @KrisHumphries
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 21, 2011
Reggie Bush
LOS ANGELES, CA – JULY 11: NFL Player Reggie Bush attends the BODY at The EPYS Pre-Party at Avalon Hollywood on July 11, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)
It’s been a while since the NFL running back finished his three-year sentence with Kim; they reportedly broke up because he couldn’t handle her fame (smart move, Hoss). But it seems like dude is working to keep a little Kim in his life forever: Bush’s current wife, Lilit Avagyan, is basically a Dollar Castle Kim, and their daughter looks a hell of a lot like Kim and Kanye’s daughter, North.
I bet you thought this was Kim, North, & Saint…
This is Reggie Bush Wife , daughter & son … lol #mindfuck pic.twitter.com/YG5oEDgrW0
— IG: AYANATHEDIVA (@AyanaTheDIVA) February 24, 2017
Tyga
Rapper Tyga arrives for the iGo.live Launch Event at the Beverly Wilshire Four Seasons Hotel on July 26, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Greg Doherty/Getty Images)
Bruh, Tyga is the hip-hop equivalent of those silica gel packets you find in the pocket of a new jacket. The only reason Tyga has escaped R. Kelly levels of scrutiny for chasing after Kylie Jenner when she was barely old enough to have a learner’s permit is because no one you know actually loves his music.
Corey Gamble
Corey Gamble at The Weinstein Company and Netflix Golden Globes Party presented with FIJI Water at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images for FIJI Water)
Gamble was apparently Kris Jenner’s jumpoff following her breakup from the erstwhile Bruce Jenner. Dude is rich, connected and decent looking, and he still chose to publicly date a woman with a daughter older than him. I think it’s appropriate at this point to insure Kris’ vagina with Lloyd’s of London.
Travis Scott
LOS ANGELES, CA – FEBRUARY 16: Travis Scott performs during MVP Weekend with Travis Scott at Avenue Los Angeles presented by Remy Martin on February 16, 2018 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for Remy Martin)
From a distance and in low light, you couldn’t tell Kylie’s new baby daddy apart from A$AP Rocky, whom Kylie’s older sister Kendall reportedly messed around with for a spell. If I had to put some money on celebrity unions that’ll outlast Donald Trump’s first presidential term, this wouldn’t be one of them.
Blake Griffin
ATLANTA, GA – FEBRUARY 11: Blake Griffin #23 of the Detroit Pistons reacts to being charged with a foul during the game against the Atlanta Hawks at Philips Arena on February 11, 2018 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
Following in her big sister Kim’s path of going after Werther’s Original-complected ballplayers, Kendall Jenner locked up Griffin in a relationship that may be on- or off-again before you finish this sentence. Those yellow ballers are not safe from the Kardashian Klan – someone check up on Klay Thompson STAT.
Blac Chyna
MIAMI BEACH, FL – OCTOBER 06: Blac Chyna attends the BET Hip Hop Awards 2017 at The Fillmore Miami Beach at the Jackie Gleason Theater on October 6, 2017 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET)
In a family rife with drama that would make Maury Povich need to change his draws, Rob Kardashian and his baby mama take the cake. Their shit is so ridiculous, unhealthy and embarrassing, their daughter Dream will want to change her legal name the second she turns 18 and not just because her name is “Dream.”
Tristan Thompson
NEW YORK, NY – MARCH 25: Tristan Thompson #13 of the Cleveland Cavaliers reacts in the first quarter against the Brooklyn Nets during their game at Barclays Center on March 25, 2018 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Abbie Parr/Getty Images)
NBA power forward Thompson is on everyone’s shit list for being a garden variety NBA whore while his girlfriend Khloe Kardashian was pregnant with his child. Thompson is probably the only one glad that Kanye was talking that slavery-is-a-choice jazz since it took the scarlet letter of the current ain’t-shit-Kardashian-dude off his back.
Lamar Odom
LOS ANGELES, CA – MARCH 11: Former NBA player Lamar Odom at Nickelodeon’s 2017 Kids’ Choice Awards at USC Galen Center on March 11, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images)
Like Thompson, Odom definitely cheated on his wife Khloe repeatedly and publicly. But things with Odom got dark when he almost died of kidney failure brought about by drug use. Odom’s shit was pretty messy before any Kardashians came along, but that messiness was definitely made more public by association.
Ray J.
A model walks the runway for Galtiscopio – Runway – September 2017 during New York Fashion Week at The Gallery at The Dream Downtown Hotel on September 8, 2017 in New York City.
People credit Kris Jenner for creating the Kardashian empire, but that credit belongs to lil’ Willie Norwood, who planted the seeds (no pun intended) that made the most famous Kardashian famous. Despite his C-level R&B career (though “Wait a Minute” was my jam), Ray J. will always be known as the possessor of the black peen that launched a whole damn dynasty. Kris should really be kicking out a percentage in perpetuity for him.
