“This is kinda like the BET Awards for the people who say ‘well why can’t we have white entertainment television?'” With 2022 behind us, Michael Harriot honors the white people who made the biggest impact on our lives last year. From Elon Musk turning Twitter into a dumpster fire to white moms storming school board meetings, these are the best of the worst.
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Michael Harriot [00:00:05] Hello. I bet you’re wondering why I’m all dressed up and it’s not because I am, you know, going to a white party or, you know, I don’t even think this is what there’s more winter white or as I like to call it, Caucasian, white. But, I’m not going to a white party. We’re here for a very special occasion. Five years ago, the National Organization of Tireless American Liars and Lowlifes Working Year-round to Preserve Inequality, Prejudice and Oppression (Not all Wypipo) embarked upon a noble mission to honor the notable achievements of America’s under wash clothed community. Despite rewarding the melanin impaired community with a disproportionate number of Grammys and Tonys and Oscars and Emmys and political access and judicial appointments and financial wealth and educational opportunity and social capital, since the day they begin their quest to steal an entire continent, the world tends to ignore the most crucial aspect of Caucasian contributions, “White People-ing.” Now, what is White People-ing? White People-ing is when you call yourself a patriot while you’re waving a Confederate flag. It’s like whining about widespread voter fraud while rubber stamping gerrymandering, voter suppression and felony disenfranchisement. White People-ing is like screaming about freedom of speech while outlawing critical race theory. And if you find the term White People-ing offensive, because, you know, some people do. Congratulations. You’re now doing white people things.
Michael Harriot [00:01:52] Well, at the end of every year, we gather a diverse panel of wypipologist to nominate the worst and whitest in politics, news, entertainment and overall capacity. So I’d like to welcome you to the 2022 White People Awards here on theGrio Daily. Now, as I said, you know, we’re honoring all manner of white people today. But I know you’re wondering, you know, why we do this? It’s because, you know, we live in a society where white people are oppressed. You know, there’s reverse racism. There’s you know, stuff and things and, you know, anti-white propaganda. And, you know, white people got it hard. You know, especially lately. So we thought we’d, you know, throw them a bone or not not don’t throw them a bone because, like, you know. But, we thought we’d honor them, you know, because, you know, you have this is kind of like the BET awards for the people who say, “Well, why can’t we have a white Entertainment television?” So we threw this award show to show them that they could. You know, we don’t like to take sides. We don’t like to discriminate against our Caucasian brothers. So we want to honor them. And I just need to let you know that not all white people are eligible for these awards, Right? See if a white person has ever used the word “Not all white people”, though, they can probably get one.
Michael Harriot [00:03:35] But, you know, this award is it for every single white person. It’s for the special most accomplished whites in America, You know, the ones who, you know, pull themselves up there by their bootstraps. The ones who hate affirmative action, you know, the white people I’m thinking about. So today we’re going to recognize that. Excellence. Let’s get started. Right. Because we don’t want to be here all day. The first category we’re going to honor is the 2022 award for Worst New White People. Now, be careful. This doesn’t mean we’re honoring babies. These are the people who just stepped on the scene of whiteness Like we didn’t know about these people in 2021, but in 2022, they managed to separate themselves from the rest of the pack by doing something that made them stand out.
Michael Harriot [00:04:35] Our first nominee is Sam Bankman-Fried. Oh, you know who this guy is. He’s the Bernie Madoff of cryptocurrency. And he made off with a lot of make believe money, I guess, cryptocurrency. I mean, if I you might argue that crypto is not real money because how can you steal something that’s not real? I mean, you know, like freedom, I guess. Our second nominee is Kari Lake. After Kari Lake lost her quest to become the Arizona governor, you know, in the midterms, she blamed her defeat on voter suppression after championing a state’s legislative effort to suppress voters. Our third nominee is George Santos, the Republican, you know, representative-elect. And I know you think that he’s not white, but how do you know why he said he was Jewish? He said he was Hispanic. He said he had a job. He said he was employed. He said he was educated and none of that turned out to be true. So how do you know he’s not white? In fact, an unqualified, educated liar receiving a promotion is the definition of whiteness. I say he has the right to be nominated and that’s why he was nominated. Next nominee is Maggie Haberman. Apparently, the New York Times reporter didn’t know that Donald Trump was a racist until she wrote a New York Times bestseller about her reporting for The New York Times on Donald Trump. And that’s when she let the world know that this dude is really racist. She didn’t tell us during all that time. So, nobody has ever heard of it before 2022. So she deserved to be nominated for Best New White People..
Michael Harriot [00:06:27] But the winner is. Ashli Babbitt. Now, to be fair, Ashli Babbitt participated in the January six. Insurrection, and that took place in 2021. But like in 2022, she became not just a lady who was just killed by a police officer for breaking and entering, essentially, and threatening the lives of other people. She became a martyr to the insurrection movement, Right? She’s 36 years old and she was killed. But those people who don’t care when Black people get killed by the police somehow made her a symbol of police brutality. Right. Even though they will still scream about violent protest as thugs, law and order. They’re willing to overlook insurrection, Barbie’s misdeeds. Which is why Ashli Babbitt is the 2022 winner for Best New White People. Next. We have the White Tears Award. This award goes to the people who whined the most during 20 2022. Right. And I think this is notable because, you know. Why people like to kill people. They created a term snowflake. They always talk about people playing a victim. But if you notice why people and why killers are like America’s most abundant supply of water, right? I mean, as soon as like scientists figure out a way to like, dam it or, you know, put a water will on the white people’s eyes, man, we’d have renewable resources probably for the next 200 years. And then that would solve global warming and then that would make the earth a better place to live. And, you know, we might not all be extinct when the seas rise.
Michael Harriot [00:08:27] So this award is very important. And our first nominee is The Imagination Haters. I know who these people are. There’s like a whole group of them they were mad about like a Black Little mermaid. They were mad about a Black hobbit in the Amazon Prime Hobbit Series. I don’t even watch it. I don’t even know what it’s called. I know, I know. It’s about I think it’s if you like it then The Hobbit Should Have Put a Ring On It. I think that’s the name of it. Oh, you know. Or I think a Single Hobbits is the actual technical name of the show. And then there was the sequel to Game of Thrones that whitle people were mad about because there was a Black dude with blond hair who could ride dragons. And white people were really mad about it. Like Sisqo didn’t exist. Siqo really was the first. Like, he had a whole album called Enter the Dragon. But white people were mad. And that’s why this category has a nominee of The Imagination Haters.
Michael Harriot [00:09:37] Oh, the second nominee is Kari Lake. She’s gotten nominated twice. Right. But apparently it’s newsworthy when an election denier denies the results of an election. Our third nominee are the people who were mad about student debt relief. Like, how can you be mad that somebody is getting their bills paid. Right. Like after white people received a disproportionate amount of farm aid, PPP loans, education funding and all kinds of white people welfare, they were actually arguing that for giving student loans and receiving government handouts made people irresponsible. And if that were true, you know, all the white people throughout history would have been irresponsible because, you know, they got a government handout called slavery. Anyway, the next nominee is White Mothers. In 2022 white baby mommas threw fits about everything masks, CRT, trans people in sports, the gay agenda, making their children feel bad. Like wearing masks. I mean, they were mad. They took on the school board. So they are our third nominee.
Michael Harriot [00:10:56] But the winner is Cancel Culture. I mean, cancel culture existed before 2022. But, you know, this year it claimed a lot of victims. You know, Elon Musk, Joe Rogan, Bill Marr, Morgan Wallen, he was 20 21, but, you know. Dave Chappelle got cancelled like four, five times. Kyrie Irving police. Jesus, Mary, Joseph. They were all canceled this year, kind of, you know, because, you know, Elon Musk is still rich and Joe Rogan, Bill Marr and Kyrie Irving are still employed and earining millions of dollars. And I think Dave Chappelle is still selling out arenas everywhere. And trust me, Jesus is still pretty popular. We might even talk about that later. But, you know, according to the people who believe in cancel culture, they were cancelled. I don’t even know what cancelled mean. Like what I call that is fucking around and finding out. Like you shouldn’t fuck around if you don’t want to find out. But they are the 2022 winners of our White Tears Award. We’re going to stop hear man and give you a chance to soak all of these awards in and you know, use the bathroom, go to the afterparty and we’ll be back next time to continue the 2022 White People Awards on theGrio Daily. If you like what you heard, please give us a five star review. Download theGrio app, subscribe to the show and share it with everyone you know. Please email all questions, suggestions and compliments to podcasts at theGrio.com
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