5 lessons from Solange attack video

OPINION - I just want to know what made Solange go all Mortal Kombat on her in-law like this...

May 13, 2014

If this news were tea, the Lipton factory would be sending us all a bill.

Solange Knowles tried to fight Jay-Z in an elevator at the Met Gala as Julius (the BAWDYguard) tried to hold her back and Beyonce stood out the way. Mama Tina’s youngest was out for blood because she lunged at Jay with such ferocity that honey badgers everywhere are like “she stole my move.”

This is all super messy, and the internet has basically lost its collective mind over it. We’re not used to this type of scandal in the Knowles camp, so we don’t know how to behave.

There’s just so much to peel back about that video, and we’ve all speculated about what could have started the fight. What sucks is that we might not find out because the Knowles Carter machine will put a lock down on anything else leaking. For nosy nancies like me, this is a major disappointment. I just want to know what made Solange go all Mortal Kombat on her in-law like this.

Anyway, I’ve watched the video multiple times (for research purposes coughs), and I feel like there’s certain things we can all learn here.

Don’t piss off Solange Knowles.

Seriously. Do not. If you end up in a confined space together, she might come for your throat, neck and nethers. It doesn’t matter if she’s in a dress (that made her look like walking candy corn) and it’s a frou frou affair. Homegirl will not let you have peace until she settles her beef. Also, she’s adept at the art of being mad, acting like you’re cool so people can stop holding you back and then you trick them by lunging for your opponent. It’s a great skill to have in times when people won’t let you connect like you want to.

Ok fine. Maybe that’s not fair. She doesn’t typically go around fighting, so this definitely adds fuel to the “Jay-Z did some terrible stuff” fire that the internet is stoking. AGAIN, I WANNA KNOW! Maybe Jay told her that she doesn’t ever match and her love of rocking multiple prints on one outfit makes us all dizzy.

Beyoncé is a robot

The entire time all this chaos was happening, Bey was mostly calm and unbothered. Many of us think that it’s because this sort of thing has happened before. This doesn’t feel like it was a first time thing. No hairs (baby or synthetic) of hers were outta place, and she let her bodyguard do the intervening. On the extended clip though, we see that she seemed to exchange words with both Jay and Solange, but she still looked super calm. I salute her. My dramatic self woulda been all out of sorts, yelling at both of them not to shame me or my name while talking with my hands excitedly. Not her, though. She kept her cool as her sister fought her husband like he stole her last pink Starburst.

Jay Z has grown up a little

Whatever it is that Jay-Z did that made him the Voldemort to Solo’s Harry Potter was bad enough to where his sister-in-law punted all the dambs she had to give and showed out in public. She windmilled him in the face and shoulders and then kicked him while in her stilettos. The chick went at him with reckless abandon, and he responded by holding her away. He never struck back at her, and Jay-Z hasn’t always been that person. This is growth that is necessary.

Let me state clearly that I think Solange was SUPER WRONG for hitting Jay and this is a terrible look for her. However, had he hit her back, I’d be super disappointed. I’m so glad that he refrained from doing that. I am staunchly against men hitting women, and that is a double standard and hypocrisy I will admit to being a part of. Also important: I don’t think women should hit men either. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, EVERYONE!

Julius earns his keep.

Julius, Beyonce’s longtime bodyguard, earns whatever she pays him. That dude was holding Solange off with one hand, pushing elevator buttons with another, and almost using his leg to keep her from lunging at Jay. When you’re trying to restrain someone who is hellbent on letting her fists and feet do the talking, you have to muster extra energy to make up for their adrenaline rush. This could have all ended up worse if Julius hadn’t hemmed Solo up like he did. Bless him (and those muscles).

Never turn your back on your enemy.

In the extended clip, after 3 minutes of fighting, they finally get ready to leave the elevator, and the moment Solange was within arm’s length of Jay-Z, she got in more shots to his head. That is why he made sure that she wasn’t behind him as he left. What you don’t want to do is turn your back on the person who’s trying to pounce on you. That should be the third rule of Fight Club after “We do not talk about Fight Club.” And “We do not talk about Fight Club.”

You live, you learn and you watch videos online. There are lessons everywhere around us.

I really do hope that whatever happened in that elevator is addressed amongst all the parties involved. There is definitely trouble in paradise, but I hope they can fix it. Is Iyanla busy? I’m just asking. For everyone.

I do feel like I deserve props for not making any 99 problems or Hard Knock Life jokes. You’re welcome!

Luvvie can be found ranting about all things pop culture at AwesomelyLuvvie.com. She can also be found on Twitter (@Luvvie), Facebook and Instagram.

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