Michael Jackson Billboard Awards hologram was more creepy than a thriller

OPINION - I watched about 40 minutes of the Billboard Awards last night, and I only lasted that long because the snark opportunity was too strong...

Luther Vandross was outed as gay after his death.

I watched about 40 minutes of the Billboard Awards last night, and I only lasted that long because the snark opportunity was too strong.

All I saw were a bunch of musical performances from folks I didn’t know and Justin Timberlake winning an award he wasn’t there to receive. Oh, and Shakira was onstage dressed like Beyonce and singing like she was in a Ricola commercial. Her voice just makes me want to punch teddy bears.

I stuck around to see the Michael Jackson hologram performance though, because I’m nosy. From the gate, I was already giving strong side-eye because the idea of holograms is slightly weird. Yes, Star Trek and the Jetsons predicted it for the future. Since we still don’t have flying cars all over the place, I figure we can wait on people projections made of light.

Something told me this was not gonna sit well in my spirit when I saw a closeup of the MJ hologram. Twitter said he looked like a Sim version of Liza Minnelli, and a cackle escaped from my mouth before I even realized it. This is why I can’t have nice things.

Then I watched the performance and I got the heebie jeebies. There’s something about a dead musician performing new music as a version of him that’s nothing but light moonwalks across the stage. I spent the whole time looking at my screen like Huey from the Boondocks whenever Uncle Ruckus is in the room.

The Billboard Awards team gets an E for effort, because it’s clear they put a lot of work into making the performance happen. However, it gave me no warm feelings. I didn’t cheer afterwards, and it seems that many people in the audience at the show didn’t really know what to make of it either. Honestly, I just wanted to say some Psalms and spray my TV with holy water as I chant “The power of Christ compels you.” I was creeped out similarly when I saw the video of hologram Tupac performing at Coachella. NO, THANK YOU!

I understand that we miss our favorite celebrities and musical icons, but when we force their return through a shell that isn’t them, we’re only kidding ourselves. It’s also really selfish of us because we’re just trying to salve our feeling of loss by trotting them back from the grave to put on a show that they didn’t consent to. It’s just weird.

I’m not famous or anything, but if I’m no longer here and folks decide they will hologram me, I will haunt all of them because I hold grudges. Then I’ll get upset that I had to haunt them, since it’ll mean they are interrupting my game of Heavenly spades where I was about to catch St. Peter reneging.

Please let’s not make hologramming our faves a thing. We have to let these people rest when they’re gone.

P.S. If we can make dead artists perform, why can’t we figure out whatever is sitting on Jermaine Jackson’s scalp?

Luvvie can be found ranting about all things pop culture at AwesomelyLuvvie.com. She can also be found on Twitter (@Luvvie), Facebook and Instagram.

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