Learning to compromise by Michelle's example
OPINION - In agreeing to seriously date a young Barack Obama who had no real income, Michelle went against the advice...
It has now been a year since President Obama was elected, bringing America’s first family into the spotlight and, of course, causing a constant glare on the first couple’s marriage.
Last weekend, the New York Times Magazine examined the ups and downs of their marriage, with the full participation of the Obamas in very candid interviews. There is much that all Americans, and African-Americans in particular, can learn from this union of two seeming equals in terms of intellect, abilities, ambition and strength.
Barack met Michelle 20 years ago when, fresh out of his first year at Harvard Law School, he was a summer intern at a Chicago law firm where she was assigned to be his mentor. In agreeing to seriously date this young intern who had no real income, Michelle went against the advice that is usually given to women about not dating men who merely have potential, but rather to date men who already possess all the qualities a woman wants.
Michelle however, was attracted to her husband’s intelligence and personal qualities, and indeed, she saw his potential for future success. The success of this couple’s marriage arguably turns right up on its head the idea that successful women cannot find love and happiness unless they date men who are at least as successful as they are.
Granted, by the time they married, Barack Obama had become a lawyer and a college professor at the prestigious Chicago University Law School, so in fact, by the time they said their vows, he was a bit more than mere potential. But they arrived at their marriage through Michelle’s patience and willingness to persevere.
What is the lesson for young black couples that are considering long-lasting relationships and even marriage?
First and foremost, it is that a partner’s potential for success should indeed be taken into account, but it is also important to date for a long time before taking the next step. This couple dated for three years before Barack had actually turned his potential as a smart idealistic young man into a solid career as a college professor.
However, Michelle Obama’s compromises did not end when Barack got a paying job. She continued to be the steady breadwinner of the family right up until last year when she quit her job to become first lady.
This was not her only compromise. She disagreed vehemently with Barack’s decision to pursue politics, not only because she was skeptical of politics, but also because his political career left her feeling “like a single parent” according to the New York Times magazine article.
The takeaway from this very successful marriage is that compromise is necessary for marriage to work. Michelle stood by while Barack proved that he could indeed achieve the potential that she saw in him.
