New album 'Last Train to Paris' is do or die for Diddy

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The first time I watched the YouTube video of Diddy a.k.a. P. Diddy a.k.a. Puff Daddy running down the streets of New York City promoting the Diddy Dirty Money debut album, Last Train To Paris like a bootlegger in the barbershop, I was totally confused. For the life of me, I couldn’t comprehend why this established media mogul was outside, in the freezing cold, in the middle of the night putting himself through drama normally reserved for artists just starting their careers.

First of all, Diddy is like a thousand years old. Okay, I kid. The man is only 41-years-old. But still. At the end of the day, this is a middle-aged adult wearing an oversized old-school varsity jacket and lumberjack hat to match, shouting at strangers, “I’m in the mother f**kin’ streets…back on my bulls**t! In a positive way of course.” Huh?

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE:

Secondly, nobody and I mean, nobody aside from the people that work for Mr. Combs actually expect this album to be a chart topper. Certainly, if the idea of Puff as an R&B singer isn’t enough to make you take a quick swig of Pepto Bismal, throw in this reincarnated, bootleg version of 90s girl group Total, which he has the audacity to call his group mates: Dawn Richard a.k.a. Danity Kane’s sole survivor and that other girl. What’s her name? Oh yeah, Kalenna Harper.

And lastly, didn’t he just sign on to manage Nikki Minaj and Rick Ross? Shouldn’t something deep inside the savvy business sense that he appears to have, make him want focus on trying to make the most out of that huge blessing. You know, instead of bullying his way back into the spotlight?

Ultimately, my thought was, “Come on Sean. It’s time to let go, let God and start working on the next season of Making The Band.”

But then I heard about SouljaBoy’s album, The Deandre Way, only selling 13,000 copies total in the first week out. Whoa.

Thirteen thousand copies? As one of my fellow entertainment industry colleagues so eloquently worded it, “Wow, I remember the days when the record labels used to give away 13,000 album copies.” A number like that makes you question whether Deandre’s own family bothered to buy the album. I’m just saying.

There’s a below average selling album and then there’s a total belly flop. And if after all the publicity generated from his Kat Stacks coke fiasco and Twitter beef with Fabulous, Soulja Boy the self-proclaimed ‘face of the new hip-hop generation’ is still selling less album copies than the number of people that attend the annual Michigan v. Michigan State football game… Well I that right there is a TOTAL. BELLY. FLOP.

So you know what, Diddy I get it. It truly is crunch time. And all that sitting around, getting chubby and playing dodge the paparazzi with Cassie in LA is not moving units. Not to mention, you’re running out of chances to re-invent yourself as a musical artist. You’ve already been a background dancer and rapper. What’s left? Spoken word?

Without question, you should be on Broadway running down white folks and giving the ice cream man $60 in exchange for a promise to purchase two copies of your album. Matter of fact, if I were you, I would go find those shiny suits you and Mase used to rock and get to dancing.

The magic number is: 13,001.

Let’s go!!!