More black couples are clicking through online dating
theGRIO REPORT - As online dating sites continue to increase their user population, African-Americans are using the Internet to find true love...
The weather is getting warmer, the birds are beginning to chirp, and for some, it is the perfect time to find a summer love. But people may skip the parks and bars this year, and find love online.
Online dating is becoming more popular, especially for African-Americans. Paul Carrick Brunson, 35, is founder of OneDegreeFrom.Me, a matchmaking company. He calls himself the modern day hitch, predominantly focusing on matching African-Americans. His company has grown tremendously since 2009 when it first started, and even though it isn’t an online dating site, Brunson says it is still very connected to the Internet.
“You have speed dating, larger single mixer events,” said Brunson. “Those have not been as popular in the black community. But now, people are starting to have events that cater to the African-Americans, and more black people are starting to try speed dating and going to mixers. I have found that the offline world is often a catalyst for the online world.”
And his company is following the trend. They throw mixers and dating events in several cities, and even are expanding coaching globally. Brunson says the rate of growth for African-Americans participating in online dating has increased.
Black people participate about the same as other ethnicities on the dating site OkCupid.com. The site has about 600,000 African-Americans registered; two thirds are between the ages of 18 and 34, a number that is comparable to the other ethnic groups, just slightly skewed younger.
Adero DeHoniesto, 29, and John Harrison, 41, fell in love using OkCupid two years ago in New York. Each had tried other dating websites, but nothing had seriously come out of their experiences. She was looking for true love, and so was he.
DeHoniesto is working on her master’s in psychology and Harrison is a cab driver, planning to go to school next year. The two balance each other out — DeHoniesto is full of energy and spontaneous while Harrison is laid back, a little shy and a romantic, sweet boyfriend.
And while their relationship is rosy, and their future looks promising, there is still a stigma the couple encounters when they tell people they met online.
“People are like, oh…really?” said DeHoniesto. “When I first told people I was talking to John online, they said, get his information, there are crazy people on there, they are online looking for a date. But in reality, I think sometimes you can get a better sense of realness from someone. Not always, but a lot of time. You can check them out beforehand and see what they’re like.”
“Yes, there is still a stigma around online dating,” said Brunson. “But there is a significant decrease in that stigma as each day goes by.”
Brunson has seen firsthand how the Internet is a huge benefit when it comes to matchmaking. On Wednesdays he hosts live matchmaking, via twitter. And he urges his clients to use Facebook, yelp and other non-traditional online platforms to find their love.
“There’s no other medium in the world, past or present that will allow you to interact with as many as online,” said Brunson. “And that’s the good and the bad of it.”
The good Brunson references are the millions of choices online daters have. And not just for heterosexual people, but for other groups too. The more minority the group, the more powerful the Internet can be.
“If there is an intersex community, for example, they may make up a small percentage of our country’s population, but there are intersex sites that have hundreds of thousands of members,” said Brunson.
Online space gives people the opportunity to connect, find friendship or love.
The bad side Brunson discusses correlates with the education people have about relationships. According to Brunson, people lack awareness about what they need, versus what they want; allowing them to become disgruntled quickly when they cannot find love on dating sites.
“In order for these sites to remain popular, and increase their success rates, we have to sit down and say here’s how you go about forming a successful relationship,” said Brunson.
But some people are scared to even try online dating because it can be dangerous. The most recent lawsuit was brought against match.com, by California woman who claims a man she met on their site sexually assaulted her. And other claims have come up in the past against dating sites for allegedly deceiving their customers and putting them in danger. Others say the potential danger is completely worth the risk.
Writer Aprille Franks-Hunt, 35, describes herself as a serial online dater. When she moved to Atlanta a few years ago, she had several friends already in the area, that she met online.
“My girlfriend was saying that men online might be crazy, but nothing ever really happened to me,” said Franks-Hunt. “You may try online dating because you’re busy, and you’re progressive and you may not be out all the time — not because you’re desperate.” Blackpeoplemeet.com is an online dating site that is 52 percent men, 48 percent women and the majority of people are between the ages of 30 and 50 years old. Their site has grown 8,000 percent since its 2002 launch. It is where Franks-Hunt met her husband Jessie in 2008. In 2010, they married and now live in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. A computer analyst, she describes Jessie as “A nerd. He’s really smart, and he was a serial dater too. He knew exactly what he wanted.”
But there are limitations when it comes to race and online dating. Researchers at UC Berkeley in 2009 and 2010 studied how feelings about interracial marriage have changed, especially with new technologies. They found that an estimated one in five Americans have used an online dating service, and an increasing number are finding love via social networking sites.
“The percentage of couples who have met online is now nearly equal to that of pairs who met through friends or family,” the study states.
The data found that whites overwhelmingly date members of their own race, while black people- specifically black men, are more likely to court women of other ethnicities.
Data was collected from more than one million singles profiles online.
“The reluctance of whites to contact blacks was true even for those who claimed they were indifferent to race. More than 80 percent of the whites contacted whites and fewer than 5 percent of them contacted blacks, a disparity that held for young as well as for older participants,” the study found.
OkCupid’s statistics support the study. The percentage of people who have never messaged a black woman are 85 percent Asian, 81 percent white, and 30 percent Latino, compared to 12 percent black.
The research showed that it might take some time for these numbers to change.
“The last 40 years have seen a dramatic shift in attitudes in America toward black-white intermarriage…yet, 2000 U.S. Census data shows that black-white couples represent just 1 percent of American marriages.”
As online dating sites continue to increase their user population, African-Americans are using the Internet to find true love.
