For the longest time, I thought Kate Middleton was just the name of a cast member from the new 90210.

I miss those days of ignorance because not knowing what a Kate Middleton was meant I was spared from the barrage of press surrounding her and her nuptials to Prince William.

I’ve tried my best to follow the rule of thumb, “If you don’t care, don’t pay attention.” Unfortunately, my channel guide and Google Reader have made that quite difficult. No matter what channel I’m watching or Web site I’m surfing, their grand wedding has managed to be referenced.

In print, the coverage has appeared in the form of thought provoking pieces like, “Want to marry a prince? 7 steps to find your royal.” There’s also the informative “How Kate Middleton and Prince William could hurt marriage in the US” and “Here’s why Prince William might make a good hubby.”

Of course, there are worse people snatching up headlines — Donald Trump and his delusions of grandeur (and President Obama’s citizenship) for example – but the coverage is still way too excessive.

In the last two weeks everything I’ve watched on TV has either mentioned the royal wedding directly or advertised some special dedicated to it during a commercial break.

As a result, I now know that members of the Westminster Boy’s Choir have been told to not eat chocolate or drink soda to save their voices (cruel and unusual punishment). I know that Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend will be his date for the wedding (That’s the one with the red hair, right?). I’m also aware that Sir Elton John, Madonna’s ex-husband, David and Victoria Beckham along with 1900 other guests will be in attendance (Is Jesus coming, too, or did Mohammad steal his invite?).

Oh, I can’t forget that Kate will promise to love, comfort, and honor…but not obey her soon-to-be husband (Girl power and stuff!).

This monsoon of royal wedding news has left me wondering if I went to sleep and woke up in Liverpool.

Then again, to England’s credit they’re not as pressed about the Royal Wedding as America seems to be.

According to the Nielsen Co., the U.S. media have given the Prince William wedding more than twice as much attention as the Brits have. And according to, 40 percent of royal wedding-related English tweets have come from America, compared with 31 percent from the UK.

Where is Kim Kardashian when you need her?

I suppose when news programs brand the upcoming ceremony as “the wedding of the century” there’s an obvious appetite for news on the royal wedding.

But that makes me wonder just why are Americans more interested in the royal wedding than the actual country with the monarchy?

Prince William and Kate don’t even have a reality show.

I’m aware that much of the allure of the royal wedding is that it embodies many of the fantasies people like Walt Disney and Robin Leach have promoted for years. But come on now, y’all aren’t royally exhausted with all of the royal wedding talk yet?

It’s nothing against Prince William or Kate personally. They seem like the really nice rich people and I wish them all the best. Still, of all the damns I have to give I can’t manage to part with one for their wedding.

To that end, to those of you excited about the ceremony, enjoy watching it. Hopefully by the time the rest of us wake up, the 24-hour news cycle will have gotten over its royal crush.