Celebrating Father's Day without a dad

OPINION - For me, Sunday will mark the 37th Father's Day that I have not had my father...

Jun 18, 2011

Sunday is Father’s Day.

For me, it will mark the 37th Father’s Day that I have not had my father. My daddy was murdered when I was five years old, and I swear I have spent every day since missing him. While far from ideal, he was mine. I share his face, his mercurial disposition, and his dry wit. To hear my grandmother tell it, I share his desire to change things — to improve the human condition.

There is no more pressing issue in America today than fatherhood. A recent Pew Research Center study found that one in every four U.S. children under 18 lives without their father — nearly triple the number since 1960. And for black families, the data is devastating. They are twice as likely not to have access to their fathers.

Teen pregnancy, drug use, high school drop out rates, crime, persistent poverty and other pathologies can be tied directly to the absence of fathers. As a country, we are literally teaching young men not to be fathers. We’ve told them implicitly “we don’t need you” and they believed us.

WATCH THEGRIO’S GOLDIE TAYLOR DISCUSS FATHERHOOD HERE
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I have a great many friends who are single fathers themselves. That number is growing. The Pew studies points out that fathers who are at home are more involved that ever. As a country, we are better for it.

The impact to young girls is just as strong.

I often say, if you line up a row of women, I can point out the one that grew up without her father or with a disengaged father. I know because I’ve been that woman. There is nothing like a woman who does not know what healthy love looks and feels like.

The casual factors are to numerous to name here and I am not certain how important they are. Yes, absentee fatherhood is a generational issue. We hand it down like baseball and chili recipes. But if we’re going to get about the business of solving this issue, we have to start with calling the issue what it is. Our nation’s greatest tragedy.

I spent some time with my MSNBC colleague Martin Bashir today. Here’s our interview on the state of fatherhood in America.