What women should know about 'cuffing season'

OPINION - Cuffin' Season is an annual period of time when guys flying solo come down from the whimsicality of summertime flinging and sober up to the solitary confinement of a winter single...

Luther Vandross was outed as gay after his death.

By Guerdley of WWMD

Ladies, over-emphasize it on your calendars in red sharpie — “Cuffin’ Season” is officially within our midst. Prepare yourselves, October 24, 2011, marks the day the most aggressive lust games officially begin: The Thirst Rush.

And where are all these contenders — bachelors with their hearts suddenly (and questionably) stapled to their sleeves — charging toward you ask? If their cuff time-management was tracked properly, they’re darting straight toward your soft spots (first the one up top, soon to be followed by the one down low).

To ensure that you have the most enjoyable experience throughout this season’s festivities, we advise that you enter equipped with a clear understanding of gaming procedures and an emotional safe-guard against the romantic shenanigans that are well on their way to your love life.

Ready? Let’s begin with the basics.

Getting Hip to the Lingo:

Cuffin’ Season is an annual period of time when guys flying solo come down from the whimsicality of summertime flinging and sober up to the solitary confinement of a winter single. In order to protect their libidos from frostbite, guys begin to do what their species often refer to as, “cuff,” a classic spin move where August bachelors court Autumn bachelorettes in hopes of securing a “cuddle buddy.”

Smoothly Transitioning into Pre-Season Cuffing:

Often initiated at the summer’s end, this was the ulterior motive behind that sporadic invitation to his Labor Day BBQ. Thought he was being random? Lady, he was being strategic. Which is all good, because we over at WWMD are sometimes active participants in cuffing (it makes for great winter fun and girl-talk).

However, if you were one of the many women that caught themselves wondering about the root of his reemergence, lone behold you’ve been a victim of pre-season cuffing.

So, if you noticed that throughout September dude’s been on his slow creep to relevancy: check-in text messages, (“Hey, how are you?”), a random phone call (“I was just thinking about you so I called…”), and the classic heart warmer — a good morning text (“I hope you have a good day”), know that his eyes are fixed on your soft, sweet wrists and wants to cuff… badly. However, know that the mass courting texts are alive and well.

The Thirst Week Rush:

This is that aggressive period of time we tried to warn you about earlier. The reason why your sharpie’s bloodless…. The final weeks of October, better known as “Drake’s Weep Week” or “Marvin’s Week”, where all of the sweet nothings whispered by Drizzy on his emo hit “Marvin’s Room”, suddenly become the new tone solitary men begin to greet you with. Said solitary man may express missing you. He may even pull the, “Hey Stranger” card to guilt you into missing him.

Whatever ploy he chooses to activate, we urge you to play it cool. The thirst is at its all time high and the actions he is about to execute may make or break the deal for him. Watch him carefully. We recommend regarding all of his flattery as more so entertainment than sincerity.

November To March:

Enjoy the cuff while it lasts.

Breaking off the Cuff:

Alas all good things must come to an end. The best approach to take when breaking off your cuff is a gradual fadeout. After all he was your lover for a few months, so your break-up should be soft, subtle, respectable and leave enough room for possible revisiting rights.

We suggest a professional disclaimer that you mention during the opening weeks: “Sorry been so busy lately, just letting you know things are getting crazy at work.” By the time the heart of “Breaking Cuff Season” rolls around you’ve already created the perfect leg to stand with and skip out. Will he know what you just accomplished? In retrospect of course he will, but does it matter? Absolutely not. Again, cuffin’ is a season of games, love games to be clear, and if any man can’t recognize your great sportswoman-ship, make sure that’s the last time you cuff him. Ever.

On a final note, do have fun this upcoming cuffin’ season. When observed properly (not hawked up on continued expectation nor the disappointment of unrequited love) cuffin’ is a wonderfully joyous occasion worthy of observation. Enjoy the holiday!

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