Brad Paisley and LL Cool J’s ‘Accidental Racist’ is wrong on so many levels

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“Accidental Racist” is the worst song in the history of music. If you can believe it, it’s actually worse than Ray J’s humble ode to doing better in life, “I Hit It First.” (Side Note: No you didn’t.)

Country music’s Brad Paisley and hip-hop’s LL Cool J teamed up for the horrible, awful and very bad track “Accidental Racist.”

The title alone tells you that this is a song custom made for long, hot afternoons outside of the trailer while sippin’ on PBRs with the fellas and practicing aim on squirrels and coons—raccoons that is.

Even the title is cringe-inducing

“Accidental Racist” would have been a perfect title for that little girl’s ridiculous op-ed in the Wall Street Journal that whines about not getting into the Ivys of her choice.

This song, however, would be more accurately titled “White Privilege and an Unfortunate Middle-Aged Rapper.”

Because I love you, dear Grio readers, I listened to this song several times and wrote down the lyrics.

Shall we get into some of the more memorable lines? Yes, we shall. Oh, but first, let me just say that no one is “accidentally” racist, you’re just plain ol’ racist. Now that that’s cleared up, let’s begin.

Showing love for Lynryd Skynyrd

“When I put on that t-shirt/The only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan.”

Paisley is referring to Lynryd Skynyrd, the band behind the infamous and ubiquitous “Sweet Home Alabama.” Well, instead of wearing a confederate flag t-shirt, Paisley could always wear a Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt that, I don’t know, doesn’t feature the flag. It’s about being a fan of the band, right?

Paisley continues:

“I’m proud of where I’m from/But not everything we’ve done/And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history/Our generation didn’t start this nation/We’re still picking up the pieces/Walking over eggshells/Fighting over yesterday”

Yeah Brad! Tell these fools to stop bringing up old stuff. Slavery was like a really long time ago. It’s not like slavery had long-lasting repercussions and put future generations at a disadvantage in the financial, social, educational and political realms in the U.S.

Re-imagining Reconstruction

My main man BP then hits us with this historical lesson:

“They called it Reconstruction/Fixed the buildings/Dried some tears”

See! The South already did their “my bad” atonement.

According to this country crooner, Reconstruction was all about literal construction (Did other things happen in that era?) and putting a Band-Aid on that boo boo that slavery made.

Get over it already, people.

LL Cool J appears to forgive slavery

Now comes Uncle L to set this dude straight! He represents Queens, so you know it’s gonna to be a problem.

“Dear Mr. White Man/ I wish you understood/What the world is really like when you’re living in the hood”

Yeah, give it to ‘em L…wait, what?

“Just because my pants are sagging doesn’t mean I’m up to no good/You should try to get to know me/I really wish you would”

Ok, no. LL, are you about to show your papers?

“When I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinking it’s not all good/I guess we’re both guilty of judging the cover not the book/I’d love to buy you a beer/Conversate and clear the air”

You’d love to buy him a beer? Is that the first thought that runs through your mind, L? Oh, but it’s in the ad libs where LL really shines.

“If you don’t judge my do-rag/I won’t judge your red flag”

A do-rag and a confederate flag are the exact same thing. But the best line is right here:

“If you don’t judge my gold chains/I’ll forgive the iron chains”

Say word? Somewhere in the world, Trinidad James is smiling. So, let me get this straight. If someone is okay with us purchasing trinkets we can forgive hundreds of years of oppression? That definitely sounds like a fair deal.

Is this a skit?

LL goes on to encourage us to let bygones be bygones (he literally says that), he shouts out Robert E. Lee and thanks Abraham Lincoln for freeing him. I wish I were making this up. It’s a real life Chappelle’s Show skit.

Now you understand why this is the worst song ever created. I would however pay good money to see Brad Paisley and LL Cool J perform this masterpiece here in New York.

What’s your “favorite” line from this song?

Follow Demetria Irwin on Twitter at @Love_Is_Dope.