Successful single black motherhood: The new normal?
Halle Berry's way of producing and raising kids might be the wave of the future, as more and more women of all colors are having children without the support of marriage.
When Halle Berry revealed that she was pregnant for the second time and having a child at forty-six out of wedlock, there must have been a brief collective gasp.
Sure, she is stunning, successful, and more than capable of taking care of her offspring. But there is so much about her story that goes against the grain of what many black women believe is the ideal path to motherhood.
Though twice married, Berry has also twice conceived within non-marital relationships. And, approaching 50, some would argue that she has missed her best reproductive years, putting both herself and her coming infant at risk for age-related health complications.
Yet, her story is hardly unique. And Halle’s way of producing and raising kids might be the wave of the future, as more and more women of all colors are having children without the support of marriage.
A doctor enjoys single motherhood
Dr. Dina D. Strachan, a New York City dermatologist, decided not to wait until a perfect Prince Charming placed a ring on her finger to jump into motherhood. Now 45, Strachan is pleased with her decision to raise her seven-year-old daughter on her own.
“It’s great to have a little soul to guide and love,” Strachan told theGrio. “It’s what I wanted. Sure, it would be great to have a supportive partner to share the experience with — the good and the bad. That may in fact come. In the meantime, I am enjoying being a mother.”
When her relationship with her daughter’s father was not developing positively, Strachan opted to forgo a marriage that did not feel right, even though some of her inner circle may have chosen to sacrifice personal happiness for a traditional family.
Raising her daughter independently has been met with supportive responses. Yet, for Strahan, the typical stigma that some attach to single motherhood is unwarranted, especially if the mother is capable of taking care of her child, as she was prepared to do as a successful physician.
“Married or single, it’s best if parents are emotionally and financially stable,” she stated. “Parents are never perfect or stable in those ways all of the time. It’s just a journey. Sometimes the single mother has more support and resources than the married mother.”
Single motherhood: a necessary option
For black women who want to become mothers, waiting for marriage might not be an option. Marriage rates overall are on a decline. Only 31 percent of blacks were married in 2011, compared to 55 percent of whites and 48 percent of Latinos.
Black women who know they want to be mothers have to be flexible and work realistically with their options.
“Sometimes you never know when that right opportunity will be, and you just have to be ready for the challenge whenever that challenge makes itself known,” said Titi Branch, co-founder of the Miss Jessie’s curly hairstyling empire with her sister, Miko Branch.
At 43 years old, Titi is planning to have a child with her committed partner, although she is not married, similar to Berry.
“Me personally, I don’t think that raising a child requires a traditional set-up,” Titi said. “Certainly it would be nice, but I think all the rules in terms of traditional families and parenting and structures have been thrown on their head recently.”
Currently, 40 percent of all births in America are to unwed mothers. While these moms often face a greater risk of poverty, particularly black women, Miko Branch saw the challenge of raising her son alone as an impetus to becoming financially prosperous.
Mothering alone makes a woman
“It turned me into a woman,” Miko, the 42-year-old Miss Jessie’s co-founder, told theGrio. “Before having my son I don’t think I took life as seriously as I do now that he’s here on the planet. Very early on before having him, I knew I was going to be a single parent. I knew I was going to be a single parent for real — with no dad present at all.”
Even though Miss Jessie’s is now an ubiquitous hair care brand available at every major retailer, the company was failing when Miko’s son was conceived.
“There was no cash flow, the mortgage was due,” Miko said. “We had just moved deeply into Brooklyn in 1999 to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and this was a time when Bedford-Stuyvesant was legitimately the hood. It was a new territory for us.”
Realizing she had to model the roles of both “Mom” and “Dad,” Miko wanted to defy the stereotypes and avoid the pitfalls that often befall women of color who become single parents. This meant making sure her business thrived.
To build Miss Jessie’s into a million-dollar company, Miko worked closely with her sister while being supported by their mother, who moved into the home that also housed the family firm. This team of women ensured Miko could balance motherhood and her career.
Planning single motherhood — correctly
Titi credits her sister for having the foresight to build familial and social support into her life while planning for her child’s birth, and believes that this kind of planning is critical to raising a child alone.
Now undergoing fertility treatments, Titi is thrilled to attempt to have a child of her own, even though being in her forties might make conception more difficult.
“I feel very excited about it,” Titi said. “If I have the opportunity to conceive naturally, that obviously would be my first choice, but since that’s not an option for me now, I do have to go through fertility treatments in order to achieve my dream of having my family. I’m just fortunate that I’m in a position financially where I can undergo fertility treatments because they are not inexpensive.”
Yes, money comes in handy when it comes to single motherhood, both in the conception and care-taking phases. In fact, some social scientists believe having enough financial support is critical to raising a child alone, offsetting the negative outcomes associated with raising a child without a father. Children raised by single mothers are prone to greater exposure to violence and lesser educational outcomes.
But Miko does not think material wealth alone ensures a child’s well-being.
“You really have to have a good foundation and a good center and really work on character building, both yourself, and to build and develop your child’s character,” Miko said. “Although money provides a lot of options — you can do more things than you could if you didn’t have it — really it’s about character development.”
