Parents share stories of losing their children in commemoration of Worldwide Candle Lighting day
theGRIO REPORT - December 8 is Worldwide Candle Lighting day -- a day for all those impacted by the loss of a child to unite as they honor their sons' and daughters' memories...
Dr. Syleecia Thompson, co-star of TV One’s R&B Divas: Atlanta and manager and sister of R&B singer Syleena Johnson, wants people who have suffered the loss of a child this holiday season to know that they are not alone.
In fact, today is Worldwide Candle Lighting day — a day for all those impacted by the loss of a child to unite as they honor their sons’ and daughters’ memories.
The loss of a child is one of the worst experiences a person can endure. During the holidays, remembering such a tragic event can be especially devastating. To help families cope, the Compassionate Friends Network founded the annual Worldwide Candle Lighting day of remembrance in 1997 as a small Internet-based observance for families who have experienced the death of a child. Since then, the annual event has grown both online and offline to over 300 events in the U.S. and over 40 in foreign countries.
In recognition of Worldwide Candle Lighting, theGrio asked Thompson and two other parents to share their stories of coping with the loss of a child. Wendy McLean, an entrepreneur and philanthropist talks about the devastating loss of her 2-year-old son, Denim Wallace McLean, who died after getting hit by a car. And Peter Wright, Sr. recalls the gang-led violent murder of his 21-year-old son and community leader, Glenn “Spoof” Wright.
Together, these parents share their stories so that others can find strength and inspiration in their journeys of love, loss, pain and hope. On Worldwide Candle Lighting day, this holiday season, parents who have lost children must know: you are supported and understood.
Here are these parents’ stories, in their own words.
Dr. Syleecia Thompson
Nikeeya Nichelle Fisher is the daughter I delivered, but whose face I never saw. She was stillborn due to intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR), a condition which prevented her from growing at a normal rate.
Prior to her diagnosis, I was ecstatic to be pregnant. I had delayed having a child while in pursuit of my education and career goals. Now finally at the age of 40, I was about to embrace motherhood. I knew I would love this challenge, and I was preparing for my entire world to change for the better.
But joy was short-lived because at 21 weeks my doctors placed me on a high risk pregnancy alert. Nikeeya was only measuring 17 weeks at that time, because she wasn’t getting the proper oxygen and nutrients due to problems with my placenta. I was told that she wouldn’t make it to 28 weeks. I didn’t believe it. My faith kept me praying and focusing on trying to get her to grow through acupuncture and a high protein diet.
Sadly, the doctors were correct. On September 16, Nikeeya’s heartbeat was gone. I was devastated. There was no time to mourn. Immediately I had to deliver the baby that had just died inside of me. After a difficult delivery I couldn’t even see her, because her face and skin were distorted. I now only have pictures of her feet and her ashes.
That was the worst experience of my life. I am on medication and in physical therapy due to nerve damage in my left thigh (meralgia paresthetica) that I sustained during delivery. But the emotional damage is worse. I have three therapists and attend a support group for postpartum depression and grief. Every commercial with a baby makes me cry. Sometimes I get jealous of other pregnant women wishing it could be me. My boyfriend, Omar, and I want to get pregnant again, but I am afraid of another stillbirth. And I constantly ask myself, what did I do wrong? Doubting myself every step of the way, I continue to research and search for answers regarding the downsides of IUGR.
It’s been almost three months since Nikeeya passed, and all I can do now is try to heal and help others by sharing my story. Next year I will launch an empowerment tour for women with my sisters Syleena Johnson and Syleete DeBois. My platform will be eliminating the stigma of stillbirths and miscarriages that disproportionately affect African-American women. And one day I want to establish the Sunshine Foundation in honor of my daughter, because even after death, Nikeeya will always be my sunshine.
Wendy McLean
I don’t remember the car accident that took away the life of my 2-year-old son, Denim Wallace McLean. All that I remember is his laughter and smile.
Denim brought sunshine to my busy life as a first-time mom, single parent and entrepreneur balancing three businesses. He was my best friend who always made me happy. I dreamed of him having his first date, going to college and becoming successful in life.
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