5 ways to love yourself now
These days, we're all busy — with work, our families and our relationships. It seems like there is never enough time to slip away and just relax.
An often-heard excuse people make when it comes to creating quality time for themselves is “I’m busy.”
This article is sponsored by
McDonalds
These days, we’re all busy — with work, our families and our relationships. It seems like there is never enough time to slip away and just relax. As a result, many of us put our personal needs at the bottom of our priority lists, assuming that we can take some time off “later.”
But what if we told you — you didn’t have to wait for later?
Below are five handy tips for making time to love yourself — right now.
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Forgive Yourself
Perfection is a myth. There is no such thing as the perfect mother, the perfect partner or the perfect employee. People are inherently flawed and therefore make mistakes. Even with the best of intentions, you are bound to drop the ball sometimes. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, though, not everyone knows how to respond to their missteps in a healthy manner. That’s where forgiveness comes in.
Right now, there is probably a running list in your mind of all the things you’re convinced you could and should be doing better. There may be even a few things you would consider epic failures. While I’m sure many of the items on that list are valid, the first step to loving yourself properly is to simply cut yourself some slack.
Exercise: For the next 21 days, whenever you are about to beat yourself up for doing something wrong — stop, take a deep breath and instead say “I forgive myself.” Then logically ask if there are any reasonable steps you can take to reconcile the situation in some way. If there is a solution, do it, minus the self judgment. If the situation is out of your control, let it go.
This may sound a bit weird at first, and no, you don’t have to say the mantra out loud. But after a few weeks of continually cutting shame out of the picture, you’ll be surprised by how much your stress decreases as well.
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Re-examine your beliefs
Identity can be tricky. On one hand, you may think you know yourself pretty well. But on the other hand, we are constantly learning new things — about ourselves and the world around us. Change is a pretty inescapable part of life; however, many of us don’t take that into account during our internal dialogue. We unwittingly say things like “I always date jerks” or “I don’t really like horror movies” without even thinking to circle back and see if those statements are still true.
Exercise: Take out a piece of paper and write a list of all the things you love about yourself. Then write a list of all the things you dislike or hate about yourself.
First, examine the “love” list and ask yourself honestly — are these things true? and if so, what proof do I have of that? Give yourself a chance to not only brag but also back up all the reasons you think you are amazing.
Then take your “hate” list and do the same. Are those things true? Who says they are true? Are they things you have any power to change?
Then create a final list called “Things I have to make peace with.” On that list, write down everything from the “hate” list that you are convinced you can not change. These are things you can slowly work on forgiving (refer back to the forgiveness exercise above).
And finally, create your fourth and final list called: “Things I can improve”
That last list will consist of all the items on your “hate” list that you’ve admitted that you are empowered to do something about. This could include looking for a job you actually like, ending a relationship that brings you sadness, or closing out a whole chapter in your life that no longer makes sense.
Right now, you’re probably wondering, “Well how do I figure out how to change those things on the hate list?”
Easy — by utilizing all those amazing attributes you originally wrote down on your “love” list. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”
This exercise is taking that quote literally. Use all the things you love about yourself to address the things you hate about yourself.
You might even surprise yourself and find some outdated things on some of these lists that you can cross out altogether.
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Unplug
Thanks to technology, it’s easy to feel like we’re all connected — at all times. Constantly checking your Twitter feed or updating your Facebook status may seem harmless at first, but over time, it can create a lot of noise.
If you spend your whole day on social media, watching tv and/or texting on your phone — when do you get a chance to be alone with your thoughts?
One simple yet surprising way to show yourself some love is to completely unplug — from everything.
Exercise: Pick at least one afternoon/evening a week to unplug. This can be on the weekend or at the end of a particularly draining day. Put your phone on silent and turn off the laptop. Find a relaxing room in the house and just be still.
Don’t worry, this is not the same thing as being lazy. It’s giving yourself an opportunity to turn off all the messages we get bombarded with and just enjoy your own company. You can use this time to journal, meditate, or read that book you’ve been meaning to get to for months.
The Italians call this dulce far niente — translated, it means “the sweetness of doing nothing.” Rediscover how amazing your own company can really be.
And please do not cheat and take a picture of any of this to post on your Instagram page. It’s just for you.
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Play
Stop taking yourself so seriously and make it your business to integrate some play time into your schedule. We make time for the things we think are a priority. So as of today, pleasure is a priority.
Exercise: Find at least one purely pleasurable activity to do at least once a week. It can be something as small as taking your fiends out to happy hour or as intricate as planning a romantic weekend retreat with a partner. Even something as old-school as taking your kids out for ice cream can be turned into a full fledged treat for you as well as them.
“Fun” fact: Experiencing fun and rewarding activities actually increases your Serotonin; a chemical created by the human body that is responsible for maintaining mood balance.
So all those play dates with friends you’ve been putting off may ironically be exactly what you need to alleviate some of the stress from your day to day life.
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Stay grateful
If you’re struggling to find time to love yourself, the quickest way to put things into perspective is to ask yourself “What do I have to be grateful for?” Even though it may not feel like it, there is always something to appreciate.
Exercise: For 21 days, keep a gratitude journal. Write down 3-5 things at the end of each day that you can sincerely say you’re grateful for. They can be minor or major things. There are no real rules for this one. The objective here is to get in the habit of seeing things from a more balanced lens — and gratitude encourages balance. Sometimes we are so anxious about all the things that are going wrong, we forget to applaud the everyday miracles that we take for granted.
Self-love is an inside job, and it’s not something that just happens overnight, but when you make yourself a priority, it’s amazing how quickly that creates a ripple effect in all other aspects of your life.
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