Stop blaming Gloria Govan for husband Matt Barnes' drama – he was dead wrong

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Earlier this week, the New York Post broke a story about the melodrama playing out between reality TV star Gloria Govan, her estranged husband Memphis Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes and the man she’s “seeing,” New York Knicks head coach Derek Fisher.

The Post’s sources alleged that an enraged Barnes drove 95 miles to his wife’s home to “beat the sh–” out of Fisher, who was visiting with Govan:

A fight erupted at 11:45 p.m. between the 235-pound Barnes and the 6-1, 200-pound Fisher. Cops were called, but Fisher left before they arrived,” the Page Six sources described. A text from the source alleged Barnes said, “I kicked his ass from the back yard to the front room, and spit in her face.

Thursday, Barnes denied the Post’s claims, at least the part about driving 95 miles to confront Fisher.

“I can’t believe people think I was some maniac driving 95 miles and listening to Tupac to go beat somebody up,” Barnes told ESPN. “No. I live 15 minutes away, and I was going over to check on my kids because they seemed uncomfortable. That was my main reason for going [to Gloria’s home].”

Barnes acknowledged that the situation escalated but declined to provide details.

Hearing that Barnes drove for 15 minutes instead of about two hours makes this situation slightly less crazy.

But to be clear: even Barnes’s version of events is still nuts. If the kids were in danger or distress? Heading over unannounced and calling 911 makes perfect sense. But popping up on your ex because your kids were “uncomfortable,” by the presence of another man?

A man, Derek, who you once called a friend, and a man who was not harming or threatening them in any way? This is a situation that warrants a conversation about how things are different now that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.

Or maybe a call/text to the estranged spouse about needing to discuss what’s going on with the kids. What it doesn’t warrant is hopping in the car and showing up at a house you don’t live in demanding to see people inside it.

What also baffles me about this event is that somehow Govan is being blamed for starting this drama because she broke “code” by dating within her estranged husband’s social circle.

“The blame is squarely with her,” one woman passionately argued on my Instagram page, reflecting a popular sentiment I’ve seen around the Internet. “Men are dogs in heat; they will only hump what you give them access to.”

Because it needs to be said: men are not dogs in heat. Men are adults and are capable of discernment whether they use it or not. They are also solely responsible for their own actions. Period. Gloria Govan didn’t force Fisher to date her or to enter her home. Fisher, a consenting adult, did so willingly. And she certainly didn’t force her husband to show up at her door and act a plumb fool.

There’s a lot of messy behavior in this tale that would give TV shows such as Empire and Scandal stiff competition. But I make a distinction between messy and wrong.

Gloria may be messy for dating her estranged husband’s former teammate and friend. Some may say she’s messy for dating at all while she is still married. Fisher might be breaking “Bro Code” for dating the wife of his former teammate and friend. But much like a woman wearing a short skirt on a late night, being messy is not “asking for” anyone to pop up and attack.

The only person wrong here is Matt Barnes.

Real talk: You gotta be a certain kind of off to get in your car and drive even 15 minutes to fight someone. Barnes’ anger probably has little to do with the kids, who again, were not in danger in any way. The kids being “uncomfortable” sounds like a weak excuse to act out because he’s mad about his estranged wife and his ex-friend hooking up. And it’s not like he’s really all into his wife. Just last month, he was on TMZ claiming to the world he was dating Rihanna. (He wasn’t.)

Everything about Barnes’s reaction sounds like a classic case of “I want you to want me, but I don’t want you.” And it also sounds like an act of terror on his wife. His wife, who he has been violent toward previously, according to police reports. His wife, whose face he allegedly spit in. Let’s not downplay those details. When guys who aren’t public figures react like this, we call them unstable and stalkerish. We should say the same of Matt Barnes, especially as Wednesday’s outburst isn’t a one-off event.

Unfortunately, Derek Fisher is declining to press charges against Barnes for attacking him. There’s no word from Govan yet on what, if any, charges she will pursue for Barnes’ spitting on her. We’ll see what happens with the police. In the meantime, we can at least find Barnes guilty in the court of public opinion for being solely responsible for making a scene, causing an unnecessary ruckus, and being dead ass wrong.