AUP S2E10: Michelle Buteau: Survival of the Thickest
AUP S2E10: Transcript
TRANSCRIBED: Albert Parnell
Completed 10/8/22
You are now listening to theGrio’s Black Podcast Network, Black Culture Amplified.
Cortney Wills [00:00:09] Hello and welcome to acting up the podcast that dives deep into the world of TV and film that highlights our people, our culture, and our stories. I’m your host, Cortney Wills, entertainment director at theGrio. And this week we’re sitting down with Michelle Buteau. I’m so happy to have one of my favorite funny ladies, Michelle Buteau, here with me on acting up today. Aside from being a kick ass stand up comedian, Michelle has also been making her mark on screens big and small. The first time she got on my radar was back in 2018, when she was part of the comedy lineup on Netflix, where up and coming comedians had 15 minute standup sets and she just wowed me. Since then, her career has really taken off with her own standup specials, as well as stints and big screen films like Always Be My Maybe Marry Me Alongside Jennifer Lopez and a starring spot on BET television series First Wives Club. In 2020, she started hosting Netflix’s hit reality show The Circle, and she also published her first book, a collection of personal essays titled Survival of the Thickest, which is now about to be its own project on Netflix. Her 2021 stand up special, Welcome to Butopia, earned her a 2021 Critics Choice Award for Best Comedy Special, and now she is taking part in a movie directed by Pamela Adlon. I caught up with her during a break on set to find out how she’s handling this incredible career while managing her life as a mom of twins, a wife, and the host of the hilarious podcast Adulting. Hey, Michelle.
Michelle Buteau [00:01:47] How are you?
Cortney Wills [00:01:48] I’m okay, Michelle. How are you doing?
Michelle Buteau [00:01:51] I’m great. I’m not bad.
Cortney Wills [00:01:53] Thank you so much for joining me today. It’s been a while since we talked. I think literally it was like the Christmas before last and.
Michelle Buteau [00:02:01] Oh, my God.
Cortney Wills [00:02:03] Yeah, like, my God. How the world has changed right back.
Michelle Buteau [00:02:07] Exactly. Oh, my God. That’s so funny. I was, like, so excited first. Be funny anyway.
Cortney Wills [00:02:18] Me too. We were all so excited and so hopeful. So many beautiful things were on the horizon for you. I think you had been booked or you are maybe just starting to work on the J.Lo film, which you are so excited about. And now, I mean, what you’re like, you’re calling me on your lunch break. You are staying booked and busy these days.
Michelle Buteau [00:02:38] I am. Book, blessed and busy, honey. Hi.
Cortney Wills [00:02:44] Well, August is comedy month at theGrio. And you are one of my favorites. Favorites to watch, favorites to talk to, favorites to read about. So I’m so excited to have you. And you are.
Michelle Buteau [00:02:57] Come on.
Cortney Wills [00:02:57] Yes. Yes. And you are giving so many laughs to us via your podcast. Aside from the numerous TV film and stand up projects that you’ve got going on, tell me what it’s like sinking your teeth into the next season of this podcast and why adulting was the right subject for you to tackle.
Michelle Buteau [00:03:19] Yeah. I mean, let’s be honest, we already kicked off this whole hello by acknowledging that we’ve survived a pandemic and we’re still essentially figuring out how to live in it. So, you know, a lot of people feel alone and the people that aren’t alone feel like they’re drowning in responsibility and they every day. Keeping people safe. Keeping them safe can figure out which right there we feel like it’s wrong and never feels like it’s right. And so it’s like, okay, we can’t really do live shows. Like, we do what we can still, you know, have a kick and get to it. So we were like, We got to do this. People kept asking us. We kept saying, I’m free listening to the season. And I’m just, you know, I need to feel some joy and I’m like that. So because usually as an artist, when you make something, you put it out in the universe, it does feel like a black hole. Sometimes they’re just like, Well, I’ll see it, and someone will hopefully see it or hear it on the right day. So it was nice that people from all walks of life were just like, What’s going on with this podcast? And so we were like, That’s a good question. Why don’t we do it, you know?
Cortney Wills [00:04:35] Yes. Yes. And we’re so glad that you did. And it’s funny because thinking about the pandemic, I mean, talk about suddenly and drastically having to up your adulting game, especially if you are a parent. During that, it was like, wait, what? And I’m in charge. Like, what the fuck? Like, who’s driving this machine right now? Right.
Michelle Buteau [00:04:59] Right.
Cortney Wills [00:05:00] Then you get stuck in it and you realize you’re home all the time, and the. The demands of adulting just kept skyrocketing.
Michelle Buteau [00:05:07] Man, I’m certainly is the truth. I mean, my twins, who I had, like, basically raised them in quarantine and then, like, figure out how to socialize them safely. So, yeah, Jordan and I started this podcast because we were going through the motions of life and talking about how hard it was and that like, you know, it feels like an embarrassing embarrassment of riches to have a partner and healthy children and a good career, but not to quote Danica Danica Patrick. But here’s like I am new level, new devil. Like, just because you have less income doesn’t mean that you still don’t have to mind and manage what’s going on. So yeah, I mean, it’s very fun. It’s super fun. I love live shows. I love the remote shows, you know, but it really is like free communal therapy for a bitch from my whole life.
Cortney Wills [00:06:03] It absolutely is. And I mean, it’s something that for me is definitely very major. I feel like I’m an adult in my ass off right now, like I’m talking to you, but I’m peaking at the window because I have a mattress delivery coming, which was like a.
Michelle Buteau [00:06:15] Whole.
Cortney Wills [00:06:17] Decision and like major life. Like, you know, you get to a certain age, you have to invest money in your mattress, maybe like it’s a fucking car.
Michelle Buteau [00:06:26] Yeah, that’s the thing, right? Like the things that we are told or that are popular to invest in, you know, like a purse or shoe or, I don’t know, nails, but what about where you lay your body down every day to rest? It’s like, can we upgrade with that? Can we get a a nice toilet? Because you’re going to be doing a lot of there a lot of work there, too. You know what I mean? So, yes, I love that for you.
Cortney Wills [00:06:56] Tell me a little bit about. So I, I was thinking about you a.
Michelle Buteau [00:07:00] Lot of questions I have. Are you going to tip the delivery man?
Cortney Wills [00:07:05] Okay. Am I supposed to a 150 for them to walk into the door instead of leaving it on the porch? So is that the tip or like are we talking additional funds?
Michelle Buteau [00:07:17] What I say read the room. But honestly, like everybody is working out here for like pennies. So I’d say tip one because then he might pay it forward or be in a good mood and affect somebody else’s day. So why not? Maybe you can. Maybe you let me know.
Cortney Wills [00:07:32] You know what? Like, thank God I’m talking to you before the doorbell rings because I would have been the asshole that didn’t know that that was a thing. Because, guess what? I’ve never been sitting at home waiting for a mattress delivery before.
Michelle Buteau [00:07:43] I mean, think about it. We two people who do our nails and they sit with the facilities like carry some shit, you know what I mean.
Cortney Wills [00:07:50] Yeah.
Michelle Buteau [00:07:50] And then I would. I would think that, but. But that’s just me. Nobody asked. But here we are.
Cortney Wills [00:07:57] Oh, my gosh, Michel. So, you know, the world has been going through a lot of changes, craziness. Hollywood has been going through a lot of craziness and changes. And then, my God, the comedy world, I think, has been going through a unrecognizable. Transition by both sides, the comedians, the audiences. We’ve got, you know, things that are so heavy, it’s somebody has to be the first one to make light of them. You’ve got, like, the most polarized society that I remember living through. We’ve got monumental, you know, political issues, all things that at one time would seem like the stuff of a comedian’s dreams as far as what to work with. And then you’ve got this changing audience that cancels people and is offended and, you know, people getting slapped on stage for jokes at the Oscars. Like just comedy’s weird right now. And so and then it was also interrupted, like you said earlier, standup, you know, we weren’t doing that for a long time because of this pandemic. So as a comedian, what is it been like for you to navigate all of this? You know, what I would categorize as kind of chaos in the industry.
Michelle Buteau [00:09:17] Yeah, I mean, it’s chaos in the world, you know? I mean, the feels like it feels like we’re the whole universe is having a whole Marie Kondo moment where we just put in everything on the bed and the floor. We’re trying to figure out what sparks joy and what is worth our time and energy. So I always don’t know. I just always turn to my friends and my family and family members that I do like, you know, who you are, because it’s important to educate yourself and be aware and and process those thoughts about what’s happening. But you also need to have joy. You also need to have fun. We deserve it because this is what it is. It doesn’t matter of your life. You had it years ago. What you’re going to use now, there’s going to be something I have to deal with. You know, it’s not what it is. It’s how you deal with it. So you’re always going to have to wait in line. You’re always going to be in traffic for something, for some things. But I will say this like not to get too cliche, but if you don’t stand for anything, you’ll just fall for anything, right? So like I wish more people would publicly say and do the right thing because it matters, you know? Yes. Yeah. This is like essentially like a comedian’s dream, but it’s just gone too far. You know, we’ve gone so far that we don’t have Black Mirror because it’s just too real for, like, living in Black Mirror. In here, they feel right. Mm hmm. So it’s like we really just have to. The one thing now I’m just rambling, but I feel like the one thing I really wish is that people would just think for 5 minutes outside of themselves that, like, for someone that doesn’t look like you. Because that’s humanity. Yeah. No. How many things do I have in my backyard?
Cortney Wills [00:11:01] I was thinking about, like, how far I think our our general sensitivities have gotten. And I was watching a documentary recently. Ah, a film. What was it, the right to offend about, you know, the history of stand up comedy and its evolution and all of these things. And I realize now, I mean, like as a comedian and have you come to a place or been to a place where suddenly you’re rethinking when the punch line, when you’re writing that joke, like, okay, perfect example, like making fun or saying something about your own body type in a set now might be seen as you criticizing, you know, a certain body type as a whole. Like, are things a little more off limits or do you hesitate a little more? Given the current state.
Michelle Buteau [00:11:57] I mean, I. I’ve always been mindful not to be a complete asshole. Yeah. So I feel like there is a fine line between mocking someone and or roasting them. And that’s why we’re professional. Um, and because if it ain’t funny, believe me. So figure out how to rewrite that. Because if it’s not funny, it’s. It goes into hate speech land. And it’s not about comedians get to say anything they want. We don’t. I don’t think anyone should. If it’s toxic and it hurts people and it sort of feeds into the culture of violence and toxicity and exclusiveness, and it’s not doing anyone any good. So for me, I’m just doing because I know who I am and I’m always going to be that bitch that wants to bring people together. And if you want to get angry, if you want to get off, that’s fine. And everyone’s 100% entitled to their opinion. But you can’t just say from the other side of it, she’s not funny because, you know, she’s not funny because she’s doing something real. It’s like, Come on, bitch. The whole point, especially now, is to be real. Because I could be funny as a day as long, but then it’s like, What the fuck are you about?
Cortney Wills [00:13:13] Thank you so much for that insight. I think that’s really like a valuable perspective because, you know, some people do think that comedians have, you know, carte blanche to say anything that they want about whomever they want. And that is, you know, a safe space where anything goes. And a lot of people, you know, have a very different opinion of that. So thank you so much for yours. What has it been like to balance like the comedian side of you, the stand up, I should say, side of you and you know, this blossoming, flourishing like film career that you’ve got going on.
Michelle Buteau [00:13:47] I mean, it’s fine. Go fine. What? It was okay. And like the show, she’s like, give me ten years to be an overnight success. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my.
Cortney Wills [00:13:56] Gosh. Yes. I know that for you. Yes.
Michelle Buteau [00:14:00] You don’t. I mean, it’s funny. So, yeah, it’s the I’ve always been here. Everybody else is just catching up now. Hello. Okay. Oh.
Cortney Wills [00:14:09] I love that. I love that so much. How like, how does it feel you’re getting into God? How old are your kids now? Like for am I am I close?
Michelle Buteau [00:14:19] Yeah, that’s three and a half.
Cortney Wills [00:14:21] Okay. Wow. That’s a whole new stage of parenting. And you’ve got to at a time, I would think that it must be nice to feel, I think, like a son, I would assume, like a sense of control and power in your career while you get to experience this really amazing time, you know, as a mother.
Michelle Buteau [00:14:48] Yeah. I mean, it’s like, you know, feast or famine, I suppose. But it’s funny. All the friends who are just like, it’ll happen with career or kid stuff or even being in love when people are just like, It’ll happen. Those will affect them. Now be patient, keep working on yourself because when it happens, it’s like you want to be ready, you know? Yeah.
Cortney Wills [00:15:13] Do you find.
Michelle Buteau [00:15:14] Fall?
Cortney Wills [00:15:15] Do you find yourself writing your experience, you know, your home life, your family life, your life as a wife, as a mother, into your material more than you thought you would?
Michelle Buteau [00:15:27] Yeah. I mean, my my material, my husband for my new hour, he was like I was like, what do you think? He’s like, it’s a little dark. And in the last hour, I said, it is because the world is darker. But yeah, it’s always important to feel your feelings and especially if your process is writing them down and performing them or sharing them or whatever that is. And yeah, you got to do that, honey.
Cortney Wills [00:15:53] What is?
Michelle Buteau [00:15:53] And I’m writing something down all the time. To your question, the answer is yes. Mostly time I look at my notes. I’m like fruitless or material, but we’ll go with it.
Cortney Wills [00:16:09] What would you say has been the biggest surprise about the way you approach balancing work and family?
Michelle Buteau [00:16:19] Well, to be honest, how much I can get done. I’m like, wow, like I got a lot of energy. I’m like, doing it all. Like, I really have to sit back some days and be like, Fuck it. You are amazing. Like, you know, you just learn how to be efficient with your time as a mom. Then you have an energy because you’re a performer. So energy plus being efficient with your time is a fucking explosion right there in front of you.
Cortney Wills [00:16:53] Yeah. I mean, I’ve got two kids a year apart. I have this career. I’m pregnant with twins right now, and people are like, Why? Yeah, girl, I’ll call you after this. Maybe write your number down for some topics. Yeah, but. And two boys at that. But sometimes. Yeah, people like how do you how do you how do you balance it all? And it is you’re kind of like, I don’t know, I guess I’m fucking amazing. Like, I don’t know.
Michelle Buteau [00:17:21] You have to pretty much like you. It’s so easy to feel like you’re so much more to do. I’m not doing it all, if you like. Took a minute and just wrote down everything you fucking did and or thought about and people that you took care of as well as yourself. Why? Why these bitches are out here tired for showing up late single. Not even the cactus plant. Get the fuck out of here. I would show up on time. You know what? Saying if you want something done, give it to a busy person. Yeah. Hands up. I got this.
Cortney Wills [00:17:56] Absolutely. Michelle, what? What? What has you laughing right now? Like on TV, on stage? Like, what were some things that you turn to that really, like, amused you or lifted your spirits through all of this madness and transition and like what things are just making you laugh right now.
Michelle Buteau [00:18:16] I’m not like 90 day fiancé is just giving me all the feel of deal. Yeah, right. Ready and raw. I love. Well, that sounds kind of suggestive. Or like you’ve just got in a great lingo, but it is. Oh, it’s so good. I mean, I feel like it’s probably one of the realest reality shows where people have a connection with someone but don’t speak that language, the same language. And you you’re trying to make love work by any means possible. It sounds awesome and like crazy. Or is a middle aged white woman who finally is giving herself permission to be with a black man? What a fuck it is. It is a good ask. Watch that. And I’ve been working on my show that I would be doing it. Netflix, travel, the tickets. And so it’s been a joy just to be in a writer’s room every day, just making each other lab, sharing stories, fleshing out a show like it’s fucking great.
Cortney Wills [00:19:18] First of all, you are, I think, a little bit obsessed with 90 day fiance because you just took me back to the last time we spoke. You were telling me to get on this bandwagon and watch this damn show, which I did. It was entertaining, but there’s this whole, like, legion of people who have been in it from the beginning and I think feel just like like this is an incredibly important documentation of the human spirit and, you know, the power of like people are really into this. And I think you really are deep into this 90 day fiance world.
Michelle Buteau [00:19:52] Shocking to me. I am. You’re not wrong. I am.
Cortney Wills [00:19:56] And number two is survival of the fittest was the next thing I wanted to ask you about, like, how is it going? I’m dying for this show. And I think.
Michelle Buteau [00:20:05] At least.
Cortney Wills [00:20:06] I think the whole, you know, imagery in pop culture and conversation and like vastness of like body positivity and actually seeing what real women look like and seeing them as desirable and everything else, every other size woman has always been allowed to be. It’s like a very different time for that when this is going to like it’s a different time that this is finally coming to fruition and. Right. Do you feel like that?
Michelle Buteau [00:20:34] Yeah. I mean, it’s all the things I ever want to see growing up. You know, it’s going to be beautiful bodies of all shapes, sizes and shades. It’s going to be middle age women going through some real shit. You know, this isn’t a 22 year old something person who. Isn’t sure about life or herself. You know, this isn’t like a divorce. Empty nester. This is that very interesting age in between late thirties, early forties and late forties, early fifties, where it’s just like, What do I do now? What happens when I’ve done it all and nothing else to do? What if I just want to sort of drink? You know? What if I just finally start to accept my body? So it’s going to be f you kn fun as fuck. Of course that’s the meal. All the sides are sincere. It’s going to be delicious. I would have something for the dessert when I’m too tired to think of something.
Cortney Wills [00:21:39] Can you imagine? Really? Like for a second? I mean, can you imagine for a second what would be maybe different from what you might have done different or thought differently if there was this kind of representation for people who look like you and I, women who look like you and I like when you were ten and up, like, can you even.
Michelle Buteau [00:22:01] I don’t know. You know, people ask me that all the time and they do.
Cortney Wills [00:22:05] I was like the smartest question like, but that’s really on my mind.
Michelle Buteau [00:22:07] Like, No, it really well, I mean, like plus size women usually ask me that question or someone who is non-binary later in life. And so it feels like we’re all on this journey together where it’s like we finally get to accept ourselves because society told us we could. Yeah. And I don’t know any other way. And I probably don’t want to know in any other way because then I would just be like, I’d be someone else try to come like, but it a little kind of day.
Cortney Wills [00:22:43] To.
Michelle Buteau [00:22:43] Day.
Cortney Wills [00:22:44] Michelle, what is next for you? I mean, you’re calling me from a lunch break on set of something like what can we expect from you? What are you most excited about in like the next phase of your career? Because it seems like this is your time. Like, it’s so nice to talk to you. Now, I also remember talking to you like at the first Netflix special drop and not even special. It was like you were one of several comics in a Netflix comedy thing, you know, I’m talking about like it was.
Michelle Buteau [00:23:13] Yeah, the quarter hour. Yes. And I felt like.
Cortney Wills [00:23:17] I was so happy to see you there. And like I was so happy to, you know, discover your brand of comedy and your presence and then to, like, talk to you all these years later and you’ve just continued to climb. It’s hard not for me to be personally excited about it. And I wonder, like when you get here. Yeah. And like when you get here and when you’re also someone introspective enough to realize you are here and it is fabulous and like finally and yes, I told you, like, then then what? Like what comes up next on like, you know, the wish list.
Michelle Buteau [00:23:55] I mean, all of it. The wish list is just full of remind yourself to be happy and take care of yourself and do what you do. You know what I mean? Like that’s the wish with everything else. And so, but so whatever happens, great. You know, there’s always ideas, there’s always some plans. Sometimes you don’t have control. You just do what you can do and hope that your kids aren’t assholes.
Cortney Wills [00:24:25] Have they done anything to mortify you in public yet?
Michelle Buteau [00:24:28] No, because of quarantine. But I know it’s coming up. I know it will happen.
Cortney Wills [00:24:36] It’s on the horizon. Yeah. Last thing last thing I want to ask you is that you have always exuded this confidence that I think is so important and is now even kind of part of your brand and, you know, part of your inspiration. And I want to know, like, where did you where do you feel like you cultivated that? And was there a moment in your adult life where where that became like a conscious decision for you?
Michelle Buteau [00:25:05] I mean, I think I was just tired of not liking myself because people kept telling me I wasn’t like because I wasn’t that I was just like I just grew tired of it. And I can’t tell you when or how. There wasn’t like a Freaky Friday moment where I woke up one day, but I mean, it really the root for me is just happiness, like where you got to find joy, you got to get on board because then you know it’s going to be okay. Like if they want to be miserable, they can for 1/2 try to have a positive outlook and. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you anyways.
Cortney Wills [00:25:53] Okay. Boujee. Oatmilk. I see you.
Michelle Buteau [00:25:56] Yeah, well, I’ve got Spanx on all day outside filming, so.
Cortney Wills [00:26:02] No dairy today.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:04] Ma’am. There’s three toilets shared by, like, 50 people. Oh, my God. So we gotta be mindful for others. You know what I’m saying? Yes.
Cortney Wills [00:26:12] I love that.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:13] Door open and skip the dairy.
Cortney Wills [00:26:16] Michelle, thank you so much for joining me today. It has been so nice catching up with you. You know that I’m a fan. Wait, wait.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:24] What’s your kids? You said what?
Cortney Wills [00:26:26] Oh, thank you.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:27] Congratulations on everything.
Cortney Wills [00:26:29] Thank you, girl. Pray for me. I really.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:31] Okay. Honestly, the next time we talk, you better have wash at least two seasons of both lives. I mean. Sorry, ma’am. 90 day fiance. Look at my fiance. They go two.
Cortney Wills [00:26:43] Seasons. That’s like. Oh, that’s like a couple of weekends together. Wow. I’ll work on it. I’ll think about it. I’ll trade you. I’ll trade you my insight on 90 day. If you trade me some some twin mom advice.
Michelle Buteau [00:26:55] Oh, my God, I’m outside.
Cortney Wills [00:26:57] All right my dear, you take care of her so much. Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Acting Up. Download theGrio app to listen to Acting Up and other great podcasts. See you soon.
More About:Featured
You Might Like
