Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
This one right here is for my 40-and-up folks. Maybe even my 35-and-up folks, depending on geographic location. You see, there is this common refrain both said by, and said to, an older demographic of gentleman about “not being the old guy in the club.” I’m here to debunk this dastardly, discriminatory declaration. Mostly because I have literally never heard this same sentiment said to, and/or about, women being too old to be in the club. Now, there’s a possible reason for this; perhaps women just know better and stop coming to the wrong club at a certain point due to life circumstances or what have you.
(Oh, and by wrong, I mean the clubs where you really feel too old to be there. That happened to me recently. It wasn’t my fault. I was meeting some folks. I definitely felt like perhaps there was a 90s party I was missing somewhere though.)
Or maybe this scene from “Knocked Up” actually happens, and the seasoned women never actually make it inside the club.
For the record, that was my first time watching that in years, and I laughed out loud AND cringed. Wow. Also, I know that “you can’t let old people in the club” is not true. I’ve been at the club with older crowds of men and women, and we all have a jolly good time. But I suppose I’m not the “problem” either. Perhaps it’s the cougar-esque older gentlemen at the club who allegedly don’t realize they’re past their prime still parading like youthful piranhas chasing pretty, young things. Be that as it may, it’s still okay for them to be there, too, folks. Allow me to elucidate why…with four reasons.
1. Where else are they supposed to go to meet fun, young people and dance?
One characteristic of being too old to be in the club is that you perhaps don’t realize it. In that case, you’re going where everybody else goes to have fun. Look, just because you’ve attained a certain age doesn’t mean you’re ready to break out the all-white linen outfits and wait for cruises where there’s no DJ but a band with a lot of saxophones. Sometimes you want to let loose and jam out to music you haven’t heard before. I do have one suggestion though. Hopefully, by this point in your life you have a little money; get a table, bro. Don’t stand in the line with fashions 5-years past and grays in your beard. Buy a table, skip the line and look like a boss who might have business dealings. It’s a much better look.
2. It’s the club. It’s for everybody.
Much like the streets, the club is for all who want to entertain it. If you need a place to go and want to shake your tail feathers, where else are you supposed to go? To a place where everybody wants to make sure they can sit down? That ain’t fun. That’s for the folks that won’t necessarily get up when “Poison” by BBD comes on. In fact, I think we call most of those places “lounges,” which, I suppose, is age appropriate. But every now and then you need that energy where everybody is moving and standing on tables and couches, and bouncers have to actually earn their money. Point is, it’s okay for you to be the old guy at the club because the club is for the streets, as clearly are you, if you’re out in the club.
3. You’re a cultural anthropologist.
There is no better place to observe humans in their natural environment than the club, and if you’re a professor, and maybe “old”, then you should absolutely go to the club. I’ll go with you. Plus, how are you going to write that paper on songs that young people like that are confusing to prior generations? The only way is to listen to the songs and observe the behavior. Mmhmm. Sho’ you right. Point is, it’s educational. And isn’t that the point of living…to learn? I think so. Go ‘head, bro.
4. It’s sugar daddy season, and you haven’t been picked yet.
Look, you’re older and single, and you are moving into sugar daddy phase. Sure, you could hop on an app called “Pay Her Bills,” or you could go to the club, get a table, and throw money around ensuring that some young, legal thing that doesn’t feel like adulting-in-full just yet has an option. The club is a wonderful place to try to “get chose” so that you can make sure you can get your Sugar Daddy on, a right for all single, older chaps with too much disposable income and no desire to spend it on expensive trinkets and cars.
Yep, go to the club, bro. It’s time.
Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio. He writes very Black things and drinks very brown liquors, and is pretty fly for a light guy. His biggest accomplishment to date coincides with his Blackest accomplishment to date in that he received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his pieces (biggest), but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID said: “Unknown” (Blackest).
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