Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
A video of a young white boy climbing a wall in an airport made some of our GrioFam realize something. Yes, he was being cute even though he was unwittingly transgressing the rules of the airport – you’re not supposed to literally climb the walls. Most of the time, moments into climbing, someone airport worker would come running in and stop all the fun. But that didn’t happen to this white boy because sometimes white privilege looks like leniency.
Would a Black child get the same latitude? Probably not. We know that racism isn’t just imposed on adults. Racism also harms children. As I was getting dressed for my first day of first grade in a new school that was overwhelmingly white, my mother told me, “You have to be twice as good as those white kids.” She meant that I would have to be twice as well-behaved as they are because my actions would be noticed faster and judged more harshly than theirs. She was right. Studies have shown teachers’ implicit biases against Black children begin in preschool.
Black people often are judged negatively for behavior for which white people are judged more charitably, even when those people are just children. Part of the problem is the persistent stereotype of the lazy Black mother who doesn’t know how to take care of her kids or doesn’t care about them. The issue isn’t just that the kid is going outside the lines, but that they’re doing so because their mom isn’t good or attentive enough.
A Medium essayist noted, “No matter what a Black mother does, she will always be considered deviant compared to a white mother.” I know many mothers, and I do not know of one who does not care deeply about her children and who does not watch them constantly. This stereotype makes no sense unless it’s a form of projection. They don’t care about our children so they think we don’t. That’s something to consider.
That stereotype of lazy Black moms means Black children who are going outside the lines aren’t seen as doing so because they’re creative, courageous or adventurous. No, it’s because neither of their parents is paying enough attention to them. The stereotypes about the Black family would have us believe that Black mothers aren’t mothering well enough, and Black fathers are not even present.
The myth of the missing Black father is still prevalent. The truth, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is that Black fathers are less likely to be married to their children’s mother, yet far more likely to be actively engaged in day-to-day childrearing and caregiving than fathers of any demographic. Seventy percent of Black fathers are likely to have bathed, dressed, changed or helped their child with the toilet each day compared with 60% of white fathers and 45% of Hispanic dads. Black men are very present fathers ,yet the white stereotype of the absent Black father is very real.
I want to live in a world where Black children are allowed to play and explore and live outside the lines just like white children. We are not there yet. I want to live in a world where people know that Black families are not broken or pathological. We are not there yet. I want to live in a world where we are truly free. We are not there yet.
Touré is a host and Creative Director at theGrio. He is the host of the docuseries podcast “Being Black: The ’80s.” He is also the host of the podcast “Toure Show” and the podcast docuseries “Who Was Prince?” He is the author of eight books including the Prince biography Nothing Compares 2 U and the ebook The Ivy League Counterfeiter.
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