Do you remember your first crush? The feeling of butterflies in your stomach before even the most minute interaction. There is constant strategizing in your mind and with your friends about what you would do if they even just smiled at you—the never-ending daydreaming.
Now, think about the first time you learned someone had a crush on you. Now, depending on how old you were, the thought could have been absolutely repulsive or flattering. But regardless of whether the feelings were mutual, knowing that someone saw you romantically was and continues to be subconsciously validating, irrespective of whether you’re 13 or 33.
Mara Brock Akil, the mastermind behind the swoon-worthy shows like “Forever” and “Love is,” reflected on the importance of pre-teens and teens experiencing crushes and dating during an appearance on Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson’s “IMO” Podcast. Specifically reflecting on her experience raising her two sons, Yasin Ali Akil (21) and Nasir Lukmon Akil (16).
“I think he deserved to be felt crushed on—and mutually felt. You know, you do the catch-ups with the [kids’] moms [and they’re like] ‘Oh, they’re on their third girlfriend. And I’m like, ‘Oh, wow, I haven’t had that. I haven’t had that experience,’ she told the co-hosts.
“There are a lot of young Black people [who] get into college, and they’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. And a lot of that comes from being in all white environments as Black kids,” Michelle Obama noted.
And while that’s a very common experience for both Black girls and boys, Akil shared that she doesn’t think that it’s very healthy.
“Not to be felt like someone even likes you, even if it’s for a week. There’s no memory of a mutual desire and how to negotiate those feelings, those conversations, those opportunities to come to mom or dad for advice or aunt and uncle or village,” she explained. “There’s no place for them even to practice those practices that we’re talking about.”
“I think there’s a time in which Black boys, they’re really cute from kindergarten to fourth grade,” Akil added, referencing Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu’s book about this topic. “And [then] typically, society starts to pull away from them. Imagine being so cute and then suddenly so threatening. And as your body gets bigger, your physical self gets bigger—all the things that we’re still trying to work on in our country, that race, whether conscious or unconscious, are starting to form about who is going to kiss. And we understand those ideas that are still embedded in our country.”
And while she doesn’t necessarily lead with these concerns when parenting, the screenwriter acknowledges the guilt that often resurfaces with the reality of raising Black kids in predominantly white schools.
