Beyoncé baby: Can Jay-Z and Beyoncé ever put the Blue Ivy conspiracy theories to rest?

Considering she’s been subjected to pregnancy rumors off and on for much of her career, it was a given that Beyoncé’s pregnancy was going to be a pretty big deal. Unfortunately, a story largely tied around she and Jay-Z welcoming a new life was slightly marred by one of life’s biggest lessons: A lot of people are painfully stupid. Not to mention gullible, petty, and miserable.

Much like the audaciously asinine theory that our Hawaiian-born president was actually born in Kenya and somehow tricked his way to the highest office in the land, there’s been this lingering fable that Beyoncé faked her entire pregnancy. Yes, an immensely famous multi-millionaire married to another widely recognized multi-millionaire rocked a fake stomach for nine months. You know, despite being one of the most photographed human beings on the planet.

Why? One tall tale says that Beyoncé’s ego would never allow her to deliver a baby herself for fear of what it would do to her celebrated frame. Others are more nefarious in their speculations — like suggesting that she’s infertile or that her pregnancy was some cover-up for Jay-Z’s infidelity. No matter how illogical all of this sounds, these are fairy tales a few bloggers pressed for web hits held onto tightly. The same can be said of several Nostradamus imposters soiling YouTube.

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I suppose how people choose to waste their brain cells is their own business, but I find it regrettable that some elected to exercise that right by acting so maliciously toward a woman they don’t know at the happiest time of her life.

This is even more true after listening to Jay-Z’s track for his daughter, “Glory,” which surprisingly makes mention of a previous miscarriage. I am not dense enough to believe Beyoncé promised some Guatemalan teenager a job and a green card to carry her baby for her, yet even if she did what any business of it is ours? It’s time for some people to unleash themselves from her uterus.

While it’s certainly true that Beyoncé and Jay-Z have made the start of their family a public affair, celebrity doesn’t negate that they are humans and entitled to certain decency. Unfortunately, some have forgotten to read that meme. There’s already been a wave of new stories following birth of Baby Blue. One that quickly made the rounds on Twitter was the source of the child’s name. So it goes: “Eulb Yvi (her name backwards) is Lucifer’s daughter’s name in Latin.”

Actually, the word “Lucifer” itself is derived from Latin, but there’s no sense in trying to rationalize with the senseless. Go ahead and keep pretending some dark force is trying to take over the world by way of the choreography to “Run The World (Girls)” or the hook of “Ni**as In Paris.” Or that the “demonic” Carter spawn will unleash a fury never felt by man following the loss of her first baby tooth. Children create imaginary friends so I guess adults can form a fictional arch-nemesis.

Another post-birth rumor was that Beyoncé spent over a million dollars to hog an entire wing of a New York area hospital. For the record, Lenox Hill Hospital put out a press release denying these reports. As for those who complained about Beyoncé and Jay-Z failing to respond to other patients who griped about their stay: buy a clue. They don’t owe any of them a single word.

I’d like to think after the ultimate unveiling of Blue Ivy (hopefully Lion King style, for effect) most of these ridiculous stories will be put to rest. I highly doubt that, though. Some will continue to believe what they want to for their own pitiful reasons.

Thankfully, I’m confident Beyoncé or Jay-Z couldn’t care less. I’m sure that sentiment will be passed along to their daughter. That way if Blue Ivy Carter ever gets curious enough to look back on how her famous birth was chronicled, she’ll be able to look on and laugh at just how silly select simpletons can be over the simplest matters with the rest of us who knew better.

Follow Michael Arceneaux on Twitter at YoungSinick