10 things we learned from the Jaden and Willow Smith interview

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If you wanna see Socrates’ worst nightmare, read Jaden Smith’s tweets. He’s known for such gems as “We need to stop teaching the youth about the past and encourage them to change the future.” Yes, really. Because ignoring history is exactly how you change what’s to come. O_O But wait, I did that wrong. Every word should have been capitalized because Jaden is so enlightened that his words need to start big. O__O

A reporter at the New York Times went and interviewed the 2 youngest Smiths, and what happened was an SNL skit waiting to be made. And the most confusing thing I’ve ever read since finding out that Kesha was actually a member of Mensa.

There were so many quotables from this interview, and some of them are so good that you’d think I made it up. But maybe it’s just that I’m not deep enough for these two. In fact, I know that’s exactly it. Jaden and Willow taught us so much.

10 things we learned from the Jaden and Willow interview

1. Time is for suckas.

WILLOW: “I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.” Who needs measurements to quantify the passage of moments when Willow Smith can Matrix bend it at will? PSHT. That’s for those of us who don’t know better.

2. The ocean is sad.

They were asked “What are some of the themes that recur in your work?” Jaden answered:

“The P.C.H. being one of them; the melancholiness of the ocean; the melancholiness of everything else.” The ocean is sad and this isn’t even about pollution or anything. And everything is sad with the ocean. GET YOUR KNOWLEDGE GAME UP!

3. Big words are a propaganda tool to confuse us all.

In response to the same question, Willow dropped this gem on the interviewer: “And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made.”

Willow REALLY wanted to use the new phrases she read in the Quantum Physics book she is reading even if they don’t apply to the situation at hand and ESPECIALLY since no one will know what she’s talking about. Also, she may or may not be the reincarnation of the prisoner from “In Living Color” who is always up for parole but gets denied because he always gotta use every big word he knows in his appeals. But let me shut up. I must be a PRISONER of my own CONSCIOUSNESS by not PROLIFERATING the EXPANSES of my BRAIN SPECTRUM. Or something.

4. Apples are opposites of themselves.

According to Jaden, “When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple.”

Totally. Because the other day, I was eating an apple and I wondered if I should have chosen an orange instead. So I sat there and pondered where apples REALLY come from. It was an enlightening conversation with my own inner self.

5. Why read when you can just write?

Willow doesn’t read novels because hers are awesome enough. “There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.” Can someone introduce her to Chimamanda Adichie? Or Toni Morrison? Or ANYONE who is writing novels that are good? Willow is the type to be all “I haven’t eaten anyone else’s food but I already know I’ll totally hate it so I just make my own and it is so delicious.”

6. We’ve all had the sound of chocolate wrong.

“Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together. As good as chocolate tastes, it sounds that good.” All this time, I thought the sound of chocolate was me eating a Kit Kat bar but alas. Willow just set me straight. Thank you, Empress Smith.

7. Prana energy

Jaden: “It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.” I’d give you the context for this but you might still be wondering WTF any of that means. I don’t even know.

8. Driver’s Ed sucks.

My favorite thing about this entire interview is this quote from Jaden. “You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up?” YEAH! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? O_O

9. School is the enemy of learning

Of all things that these 2 said in this interview, this was the closest thing to making sense. Although they still managed to make it a facepalm moment because of how they made the point. “Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real.” So close, yet so far.

10. Self-awareness is fleeting.

Jaden said “Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.” Look at the pot calling the kettle angsty. Has he MET himself? He has but he clearly has not.

Teenagers are already the worst. But when you add limitless money, parents who believe in letting kids raise themselves and Scientology to the pot of puberty, you get children like Jaden and Willow Smith.

Did they make some good points in their interview? Yes. Because even a broken clock is right twice a day. This interview would give tylenol a headache. I won’t say they’re being completely nonsensical. I do think they’re trying too hard to portray themselves as these extra-evolved high consciousness individuals. They are 14 and 16, though, so doing the most comes with the territory. The difference is that they have a platform to get their teenage shenanigans torn apart.

In 10 years, they might look back on these interviews and be appalled. It’s like when I read an essay I wrote in high school and I was so offended by teenaged me that I threw it in a fire. Growth is good.

Jaden and Willow are firmly the President and Vice President of the Team “I’m So Different and Deep That No One Gets Me” Club. But they’re also in a rich kid bubble. As my girl Nakia said, “It’s like they grabbed Khalil Gibran, Deepak Chopra, several tablespoons of weed, a bunch of oil-rubbed kale, put it all in a blender and hit PUREE.”

WELP.

Luvvie is a serial ranter and blogger who talks pop culture at Awesomely Luvvie, technology at Awesomely Techie and is the head behind DumbestTweets.com. She can also be found on Twitter (@Luvvie), Facebook and Instagram.