(Spoiler alert, because duh)

Every Marvel film is, by default, a nerd film. Any nerd film will always be discussed and dissected ad nauseam, normally by mama’s-basement-dwelling types banging on their keyboards with the frustration of a dude who has a tenuous-at-best history with the females of our species.

But with Black Panther, there are Inception-level layers of scrutiny at work, primarily because it’s a nerd film that also happens to a) be the grandest and most anticipated film with a primarily Black cast and Black director; and b) one with big ideas that are questionable in their execution.

It should come as a surprise to no one that folks Uber X’ed from the theaters after the end credits as fast as they could to rattle off their thoughts for all on the internet to see and discuss. I’d be very surprised if the film didn’t break yet another record this weekend for eager-ass writer-types churning out their thoughts at a rapid clip.

I’ll bet anything that much of the Thought Police is coming from people who knew nothing about the 52-year-old comic book character before he made an appearance in 2016’s Captain America: Civil War. But that hasn’t held up the eye-rollingly effusive hot takes from all sides.

Folks are pissed that Martin Freeman’s character is a sympathetic white CIA agent working with the Africans. Folks are pissed that they don’t know exactly what to do with Michael B. Jordan’s Erik Killmonger. And heaven forbid you publicly say anything negative about the film while being Black – you might as well be Clayton Bigsby draped in an All Lives Matter t-shirt.

Instead of throwing my hat in the ring and adding onto the shitpile of think pieces, I figured I would round up some of the more interesting (and ridiculous) takes I’ve read since the film’s release.

6DA MAN is Brainwashing Black folks with Black Panther

Like, how dare director Ryan Coogler not put a sociology dissertation-level amount of detail on white supremacy, colonialism, and Pan-Africanism in his 134-minute Disney film! Wild-ass, hyperbolic takes like this make me wanna pop a couple Aleve and flush my iPhone down the toilet.