Lori Harvey is a grown woman who is allowed to make whatever dating decisions she wants
OPINION: The celebutante once again has social media in a tizzy after it was reported she broke up with actor Damson Idris after dating him for a year.
Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
Good day to Lori Harvey and Lori Harvey only.
I stan a bad bitch who does what she wants when she wants and DGAF what anyone thinks about it. Do your thing, queen!
In case you missed it, Harvey and her latest beau, “Snowfall” actor Damson Idris, issued a mutual statement to The Hollywood Reporter announcing their split.
“We are at a point in our lives where our individual paths require our full attention and dedication. We part ways remaining friends with nothing but love and respect for each other and the time we shared together,” the couple said in the statement.
They began dating late last year and confirmed their romance in January of this year with mutual posts on Instagram featuring a photo of them embracing as Idris kissed her on the cheek.
Harvey’s dating history is often a topic of discussion on social media. There are some who just can’t seem to grasp the idea of a woman exploring her options and exercising her right to be with whomever she wants and leave whoever she wants when the relationship or situation no longer serves her.
To be quite frank, the Future/Kevin Samuels hive and the women who go along with their line of thinking work themselves up into a lather every time Harvey dumps one guy and chooses another.
I’ll admit, some of the reactions on Twitter (y’all know I’m not calling it X, so argue with somebody else) are just downright funny.
There are people saying she gives her boyfriends a limited term contract, and Damson hit the 365th day on his.
A lot of women seem to get it. Lori is free to choose to do what she wants and who she wants at any time. She’s young, single, beautiful and free. Her choices are hers alone. The people who have so many negative things to say about her are just being downright weird, as Kimberly Nicole Foster put it.
“idk why men get so up in arms when Lori Harvey ends a relationship lmao. every time she breaks up with a man, she chooses an even more desirable one afterwards. i thought y’all told us to “choose better men”?,” another user quipped.
There is a double standard at play here.
When a man is linked to multiple women over the course of a few years, he’s “an eligible bachelor” and “a playboy.”
When 26-year-old Lori Harvey does it, she’s loose, promiscuous and any other insulting thing people can think of to say about her as a means of discrediting her, dismissing her autonomy, and shaming her for her choices.
Never mind that she’s not sleeping around, although if she were, that would be her choice and nothing to judge her for either.
She has had multiple monogamous relationships as far as we can tell, and it shouldn’t matter if she dates a man for one year or five minutes; when she decides it’s over for her, that should be the end of the discussion, but it never is.
A lot of people with negative things to say about her are projecting their own insecurities and inadequacies into the conversation.
The men barking the loudest would never even have a chance with someone like Lori Harvey, so pontificating on how she could never be the one for them is more of a self-own than they realize.
The women denigrating her don’t seem to realize that she’s placing herself first and making choices that make her feel good. They can’t understand that because they are so busy doing everything to make sure they get chosen, they have either forgotten or have never known what it looks and feels like to value themselves above any and everything else. People on social media call that being a pick-me, but I don’t use that phrase.
What I will say is that it’s expected that men are going to have a negative reaction to a woman who is true to herself and not caring what men or anyone else think about it.
It’s always more disappointing to me when other women, specifically other Black women, take part in that negative dialogue about her.
As Black women, we are under constant scrutiny for everything we do. We are judged, held to a higher standard and expected to do what others think we should do instead of honoring and pouring into ourselves. We face enough hate and negative input from the outside world, so why are we doing it to each other?
I’d encourage everyone to look inward before taking part in this discussion, especially if you have a negative reaction to Lori doing what she wants to do.
Ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
I’m willing to guarantee it’s more of a you problem than it is a Lori Harvey problem.
Monique Judge is a storyteller, content creator and writer living in Los Angeles. She is a word nerd who is a fan of the Oxford comma, spends way too much time on Twitter, and has more graphic t-shirts than you. Follow her on Twitter @thejournalista or check her out at moniquejudge.com.
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