Say What? Black bridesmaid told to ‘get over it’ when she complains about white friend’s plantation wedding

Sep 14, 2018

MONACO - JULY 02: The bouquet of flowers left by Princess Charlene of Monaco inside Sainte Devote church after the religious wedding ceremony at the Prince's Palace of Monaco on July 2, 2011 in Monaco. The Roman-Catholic ceremony followed the civil wedding which was held in the Throne Room of the Prince's Palace of Monaco on July 1. With her marriage to the head of state of the Principality of Monaco, Charlene Wittstock has become Princess consort of Monaco and gains the title, Princess Charlene of Monaco. Celebrations including concerts and firework displays are being held across several days, attended by a guest list of global celebrities and heads of state. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

Imagine that your best friend is getting married, and she wants you—a Black woman—to be a bridesmaid and share in her big day.

Now imagine that the wedding is taking place on a plantation. What would you do?

According to a now-deleted Reddit post, one bridesmaid said “Hell no” to that.

In the post, the 26-year-old unnamed white bride-to-be claimed that “all was well” until she announced the wedding venue to her bridal party, which included four of her “closest girlfriends.” The bride apparently had been eying the “incredibly beautiful plantation” as a venue since she was a child.

However, her bridesmaid, nicknamed “J,” told her that she would no longer be a part of her bridal party. The reason? That plantation.

“I love you a lot, but I have to bow out from being a bridesmaid,” J says, adding that she considered going through with it out of her “love” for her, but simply—rightfully—couldn’t get past the venue.

“J” said that she had voiced her concerns for two years about the possibility of a plantation wedding, but those concerns were dismissed.

“I told you then that I couldn’t be a part of a wedding that happened at a plantation,” she wrote. “I firmly believe that all plantations should be museums that highlight the atrocious injustices toward my community.

“We talked in great detail about exactly why I felt that way [and] you told me that your love for me outweighed your desire to have a wedding at (plantation) and I wouldn’t have to worry about it,” she added. “To be pictured and seen at a plantation wedding could cause harm to my professional reputation and, as much as I love you, I cannot make that sacrifice.”

The bride, apparently clueless to all of this, said the one thing you shouldn’t say to a Black person when they express concerns over racist imagery—whether it’s plantations or the Confederate flag. She said the woman was being “too sensitive.”

“I remember us having that conversation, but I thought she was being overly sensitive and would change her mind when the actual wedding came around,” she wrote. “And while I know her degrees are in African-American studies, I find it ridiculous that her colleagues would judge her for being in my wedding.”

“How do I convince her that she’s being ridiculous and that what happened there was a long time ago and has no bearing on my wedding?” she added.

The responses the bride got showed that the bridesmaid was not the “ridiculous” one.

“This isn’t a ‘white’ thing, it’s a ‘shitty friend’ thing,” one user commented. “[J] was candid & lovingly honest WELL in advance of wedding. Bride did it anyway and expected BFF to ‘get over it.’ Bride has shown [J] how little her friendship means — [J] needs better friends.”

Another response questioned why the two were still friends.

“A wedding at a plantation???,” he wrote. “The same place where millions and millions of black people where raped, dehumanized, lynched, tortured and killed? Why is she not able to comprehend the insensitivity of the situation?”

It’s simple. Some people just don’t get it.

What do you think about this situation?