Black women, sex toys and pleasure parties: African-American women take pleasure into their own hands
OPINION - Black women's participation in pleasure parties and the sharing of related experiences are just a few steps that can help us reclaim our nuanced sense of ourselves as full human beings...
Hines grew up as an evangelical Christian, and had initially planned to save herself for marriage. She didn’t have sex for the first time until she was in her twenties, and even then, experienced orgasm-less sex for years.
“Buying my first sex toy helped me better understand pleasure,” she confesses.
And she’s clearly not alone. Annual worldwide sex toy industry revenue is estimated at $15 billion. Approximately 44 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy, and 50 percent were in their 20s when they first did. The market is so big, even Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss is looking to cash in on the interest. It is telling that by releasing her Bedroom Kandi line of sex toys — which come in female-friendly shapes such as tubes of lipstick — Burruss likely won’t alienate her large black female fan base.
But the more open sexual expression black women are experiencing through pleasure parties and sex toys might not be a sign that all is well in terms of our sexual expression.
“Black women enjoy shopping for sex toys just as much as any other group, but I see more solo-play instead of couple play when it comes to putting the toys to use,” Dr. Rachael Ross, MD, PhD, tells theGrio. Dr. Ross, a renowned African-American sex expert, has held pleasure parties at venues such as the World Erotic Art Museum in Miami, at which black women made up 100 percent of the attendance.
Dr. Ross cites these solo ventures into pleasure as reflective of the lack of honest communication many black women have with their partners.
“It’s the same lack of communication which contributes to the steady increase of HIV in black women. If you are having trouble negotiating condom use, asking ‘where you’ve been,’ or even performing oral on your partner, are you really going to ask to integrate a sex toy into the mix?,” she questions.
Nonetheless, Ross does encourage more black women to explore their sexualities, even if it is solo. While she agrees that we’re already attending sex workshops and pleasure parties, she encourages more women to jump into the fun.
“There is nothing morally, legally, or ethically wrong with exploring your sexuality. So don’t be afraid to try something new. Start off with something small like a mini-massager. Read or watch your favorite erotic work, place your mini-vibe on your clitoris, and sit back and enjoy,” Dr. Ross advises.
With the strong conservative and traditional values of the black Church — and the historical denial that revolves around sexual abuse, rape, and premature sexuality that occurs in many black homes — there’s a lot for black women to navigate while finding sexual empowerment. However, many are making strides to claim pleasure for themselves, with and without partners. It’s a healthy, ongoing revolution.
Black women are sensual, exploratory, and humanly sexual. Our participation in pleasure parties and the sharing of related experiences are just a few steps that can help us reclaim our nuanced sense of ourselves as full human beings.
“A black woman, indeed any woman or man, has the right to engage in healthy sexuality,” concludes Hines.
If you didn’t know, now you know.
Arielle Loren is the Editor-in-Chief of CORSET, the go-to magazine for all things sexuality. Download past issues on Orgasms and Nudity at corsetmagazine.com. Find her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @ArielleLoren.
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