Holiday depression: How to cope with the holiday blues
theGRIO REPORT - ‘Tis the season to be jolly, but frankly, the flurry of holiday activities can often have the opposite effect...
Dr. Brown offers a few strategies, starting with the 72-hour rule. “You can be on good behavior for 72 hours, after that, it’s easy to get sucked backed into old patterns, habits, and baggage. Get closer to 72 hours, and you can blow.” Keeping that deadline in mind can help you maintain your sanity.
Brown also encourages people to set realistic expectations and work on “controlling the controllables.”
“Focus on those things that are specifically under your control that increase the probability of a positive experience. For example, you cannot control the behavior of your relatives; but you can control how you respond to their behavior,” he said. “If you know there are mine fields, and toxic topics such as politics and religion, others may bring them up in conversation, but you do not have to join in or respond.” Resist taking the bait.
It is also important to schedule time to get out of the immediate physical surroundings of your relatives, if things get a little dicey. Go for a walk, or do something else simple that removes you from a potentially negative situation.
See if you can plan in advance to build a safe haven, such as time apart, or a place to regroup. “If you have a partner, plan together as a tag team. Head to a store, walk the dog, plan those mini-respites. I mean, even prizefighters have at least a minute between rounds. Give yourself a break.”
Relieving financial strains
Many people today are already stretched financially as the economy slowly recovers. The holidays, which can come with so many extra expenses, can really make a person feel extra inadequate and anxious.
Kim van Doorn, career coach, business consultant and managing partner of van Doorn Consulting Group, had this to offer to those struggling economically this season.
“People forget that the holidays are about giving—it’s not about the cost,” Dorn told theGrio. “People appreciate thoughtful gifts. If you have a tight budget, focus on experiences that allow you to spend time with others, such as going to their home and cooking a meal, babysitting, or child minding, for a single parent, or overworked couple. Washing someone’s car, or helping them organize a closet, or a space in their home. If you have a particular talent, think about how you can share it with others. Do you bake? Can you tutor? Can you sew? Knit?”
Van Doorn also suggests that in lieu of giving gifts, try to gather together with family and friends to donate your time to an agreed upon charity. Make it meaningful. “If you have children, this is a good time to help them understand what it really means to give, and get them engaged as well,” Dorn said.
The reality of loneliness
So many people have lost family members to death, or are estranged by separation, divorce, or fighting. Thus, the holidays can put them in a very lonely place. Don’t focus on the way things used to be, experts say. Instead, begin new traditions.
“Start new relationships,” says Dr. Brown. “I know a group of adult orphans who gather together and create their own holiday experience.” The same group could be created with friends who can’t make it home for the holidays, or single parents. Create your own tribe and celebrate.
Brown also suggests that assisting others can help fill the void. “Volunteer. Find somebody to help. If you are struggling, one of the best things you can do is help somebody. It’s a gift that gives back ten-fold.” Knowing that you are helping someone else can give you a sense of purpose. It’s harder to feel lonely when you are in that mode.
Seeking professional help — if you need it
Be aware that the holidays may exacerbate troubled feelings that are already present.
If the blues linger well past the new year, take care of yourself and be open to seeking professional help if you need it.
We all deserve to merry on Christmas, during Kwanzaa, and beyond.
Suzanne Rust is a writer, lifestyle expert, on-air talent, and a native New Yorker. Follow her on Twitter at @SuzanneRust.
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