5 ridiculous Trump headlines that actually happened in 2017

First things first.

The Trump administration has taken a number of actions that endanger the lives of millions of people. From gutting healthcare to banning Muslims to stomping on the middle class and poor and giving tax breaks to the super rich, there are numerous serious issues to discuss in an intelligent and nuanced manner when it comes to the 45th president of the United States.

This is not the place for that.

This is a run down of a few “let’s laugh instead of cry” Trump moments that have created headlines so ridiculous that you’d swear they were from The Onion. Here we go…

Trump implied Frederick Douglass was alive. The abolitionist’s family offered a ‘history lesson.’

During Trump’s first Black History Month ‘celebration’ at the White House, he scrounged up every Black person he could find and blah, blah, blahed about Black folks. It was a mostly unforgettable bit of obligatory press preening until Trump seemed to imply that Frederick Douglass (born in 1818) was still alive.

“Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice,” Trump said. Right.

Trump recently signed a law to establish a federal committee charged with planning celebrations for the 200th anniversary of Douglass’ birth. So, maybe Trump knows now that Douglass is dead. Maybe.

Trump tweets that ‘cold’ East Coast could use ‘a little bit of’ global warming

Large swaths of the U.S. are being walloped with Artic temperatures and the 45th President has decided to take this moment to ridicule the (actual and fact-based) science of climate change. He tweeted about how the East Coast could use a little of that global warming that everyone wanted the U.S. to spend money to fight. He still doesn’t understand the difference between weather and climate and clearly has no understand of how climate change works. This is your president:

Trump says he met with president of the Virgin Islands

In the wake of back to back to back hurricanes this past season, many island communities were (and still are) reeling from major damage and loss of life. In all of his wisdom, Trump attempted to quell the world’s anxiousness by assuring everyone that he was working closely with leadership in the impacted countries.

He said he even met with the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands. Well, turns out Trump is the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands. (The Virgin Islands have a Governor.) Technically, he meets with himself everyday, so there’s that.

Donald Trump thinks exercise makes you die young

That mind-boggling headline is in reference to an excerpt from a New Yorker piece that pondered how Trump could get himself kicked out of office. One way that could happen is invoking the 25th Amendment, which allows for a mentally unfit president to be replaced. The author of the New Yorker story noted that Trump has an aversion to exercise and a strange theory behind it. “Other than golf, he considers exercise misguided, arguing that a person, like a battery, is born with a finite amount of energy.” Essentially, Trump believes that if you exercise, you will run of energy faster and presumably keel over and die. Pretty sure that’s not how exercise works.

Trump drinks like small child during speech

Sometimes it’s not so much what Trump says as much as what he does. He was quite thirsty during a recent speech about national security. He was so thirsty in fact, that he used two hands to shovel his glass of water towards his oh so parched lips. As this headline suggests, some felt the move was toddler-like while others likened it more to a ravenous raccoon.

Either way, Trump was lambasted on Twitter because of it.

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