Less than 24 hours ago, I was mad skeptical about the marriage separation of Cardi B and Offset. I thought the whole affair was a hifalutin’ publicity stunt that would result in Cardi putting out her own version of Lemonade before they put out their joint album with Kulture doing ad libs.
After Saturday evening, I’m not so sure it’s fake anymore.
Offset saw fit to bake up a batch of F—boy BellGrande by interrupting his estranged wife’s headlining set at the Rolling Loud Festival in Los Angeles Saturday night with the world’s most ash-laden “apology,” complete with flowers and a gaudy cake set that read “TAKE ME BACK.” If Cardi’s visible annoyance was an act, she did a fantastic job.
This ignoble gesture was the latest of an apology tour that Offset seems destined to make as public as humanly possible. It’s like every “this ain’t it, chief” meme was created for behavior like his.
FUCK YALL I MISS CARDI
— OFFSET (@OffsetYRN) December 9, 2018
One of the first rules in working to mitigate marital discord should be to not involve the whole damn planet. Since Cardi and Offset are both potentially at the height of their pop culture fame, everyone and their baby’s mama will have an unsolicited opinion, including several celebrities who should be among the dead-last n—as from which anyone should take relationship advice. All this peanut gallery blabbering about who cheated on whom and who should do what is missing the point, because it’s their marriage, and the village on which they should rely is not comprised of the idiots in any given comments section.
Yet it’s obvious Offset is trying to curry favor from the public, many of whom view his actions as romantic overtures. But the hate Offset is getting for interrupting a significant moment in Cardi’s career and centering himself with his apology is valid. She might not actually feel that way – on some level she might appreciate his behavior – but it’s bad optics for a generation of boys and young men who might think it’s a good idea to ever follow in Offset’s footsteps by showing up at their ex’s job.
I woke up and saw how people are glorifying Offset’s actions trying to get Cardi B back and y’all need to see how toxic and abusive this situation is.
— Frederick Joseph (@FredTJoseph) December 16, 2018
For her part, Cardi is being very diplomatic about the whole thing. If she is furious, she’s still offering some level of deference to the man who’s still legally her husband and who will always be the father of her child.
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Because people are walking refuse bags, they’re attacking her for standing by her man. Though she absolutely shouldn’t have had to, she shot another video responding to these haters. Cardi evoked Pete Davidson, who triggered alarms this past weekend when he dropped what looked like a suicide note on Instagram.
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If Offset is wack for involving the world in his apology, there’s no way we can let the Rolling Loud festival runners off the hook for their role in it. These avocado heads had every bit the power to prevent all of this from happening, but they likely saw all the dollar signs from the free promotional aspect of this madness. F— them, really.
For his draggings over the weekend, Offset appears to have not actually got the point that his actions were troubling. Which doesn’t surprise me since he’s young and dumb and they likely had no business getting married to begin with.
All of my wrongs have been made public, i figure It’s only right that my apologies are made public too. A nigga was just trying …..thank god I ain’t got no balloons sheeesh
— OFFSET (@OffsetYRN) December 16, 2018
But even that’s just my opinion. Take it from me, a divorced man: How two married people conduct their connubial affairs is not your goddamn business unless they ask you to get involved. Even if it plays out in public, neither one of them give a damn what you think.
And I sure hope they don’t care about the opinion of The Game, who has as much business spreading marriage advice as I do giving advice on makeup contouring.
Dustin J. Seibert is a native Detroiter living in Chicago. Miraculously, people have paid him to be aggressively light-skinned via a computer keyboard for nearly two decades. He loves his own mama slightly more than he loves music and exercises every day only so his French fry intake doesn’t catch up to him. Find him at his own site, wafflecolored.com.