Ciara sat down at the Red Table and picked open an old wound when she discussed the fractured relationship she had with rapper Future that left her emotionally scarred.

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The Level Up singer appeared on an episode of Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett-Smith, Willow and Adrienne Banfield-Norris and got real about how she healed her relationship scars and turned them into beauty marks.

Ciara said the pain she endured while engaged to Future (the two split just three months after she gave birth to their son, Future Jr) served as the catalyst that helped her eventually develop a wonderful marriage to NFL star, Russell Wilson.

Ciara explains that although looking ahead she realized the road ahead would be rough in the role as a single mother, but she said she doesn’t regret the course of action she took and knows it was the best decision to split, PEOPLE reports.

“I grew up with my mom and dad being together. The idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby,” she said Monday.

She continued, “The one thing I fear in life is really wasting my life. I really fear that ‘cause you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that it’s just not healthy, it’s not going to get any better. I realized that I have to start making different decisions.”

She said the decision to end the relationship didn’t come easy.

“When I was thinking about my son, I know what I want to feel. I know the kind of love that I want for us,” she said. “What I did was – [son] Future was like my teddy bear. So I was like, we gon’ go. We ‘bout to do this thing together.”

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When it came to Wilson, Ciara, who released her seventh album Beauty Marks in May, said it was a different kind of love that lured her in.

“It was different,” she said. “I never had that feeling in my life. It was just like, it was calm … It’s a different level of love.”

The two married in July 2016 and share a daughter Sienna Princess, born in April 2017.