What do you give when Mother’s Day is difficult? A compassionate gift guide
For anyone struggling with Mother’s Day this year, theGrio has suggestions for gifts and ideas to help.
Mother’s Day is a joyous occasion for many, but let’s face it: the day can also be very difficult for some. From the loss of a parent or a child to a complicated or estranged relationship and beyond, “Mother wounds” can hurt —deeply.
Why? There are many experts in behavioral science and psychology who believe our relationships with our mothers or primary caregivers shape our sense of self more than any other relationship. So when this integral relationship feels “off” or is suddenly gone, it’s little wonder why it can be so hard to mourn or move past.
However, Mother wounds aren’t always about mourning a relationship. Sometimes, a mother could be overwhelmed or working through a challenging dynamic with her children. Other times, a mother could struggle to feel like she’s getting it right.
Rather than tiptoe around these individuals, there are ways you can show up for them and help them endure and even find new meaning in the day.
If you know someone struggling with Mother’s Day this year, you may be brainstorming ways to help them get through. Below, we’ve gathered a few ideas and gift options by Black brands that could help hold space for the complexity of Mother’s Day.
1. A thoughtful read
Grief is an extremely heavy emotion to process. As sad and difficult as it may be at first, many find comfort in knowing that it’s often a sign of love. You can remind anyone on your list who may be grieving this year of this fact with the read “Grief is Love” by Marisa Renee Lee. It also helps to know we’re not alone. Released today, “Bits and Pieces: My Mother, My Brother, and Me” by Whoopi Goldberg employs the entertainment legend’s wise and hilarious voice as she looks honestly at her grief in the wake of losing her mother and brother.
While discussing the new release with People magazine, Goldberg explained how she realized her grief had turned into a brain fog where she couldn’t remember much after her brother died or how long both he and her mom had been gone.
“I just thought, ‘Wow, if you can’t keep how they’ve been gone together, it’s no wonder you can’t remember anything,” she told the publication. “It’s no wonder you can’t remember anything. So just maybe you should just write some stuff down, see what happens if you do that.’ “
Goldberg spoke in greater detail about the read with theGrio; check out what she had to say in our video, above.
2. A stylish symbol
The ancient Egyptians thought scarab beetles symbolized resurrection, rebirth, transformation, or, in a sense, the circle of life. To this day, many still take comfort in the symbol, especially during times of mourning. For anyone you know who may be mourning but may also find comfort in spiritual symbolism, gift them this winged scarab necklace or some other icon of life and soul.
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3. A reflection journal
Regardless of the reason, some who are dealing with a difficult Mother’s Day might benefit from a place to put their thoughts. You can even find a journal with an encouraging or thoughtful mantra on the cover, like Be Rooted’s “Trust the Journey” notebook.
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4. A plant
When a person is coping with grief, it can sometimes help ease the pain to have a new life to care for. As floral arrangements quickly die and get discarded, having a living plant around can be a more lasting comfort. Gift anyone on your list who may be struggling this year after the recent loss of either a mother or a child a new low-maintenance plant, like the Neon Pathos plant sold by Grounded.
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5. A word of encouragement
The role of a mother is a big one, and yet, despite billions of women having done it for centuries, no one has left behind a definitive “how-to” guide. (No mom has had the time!) Besides, there’s no right way, although it can feel like there’s a wrong way. Sometimes, what a mother needs is encouragement and to know she’s doing a good job. For the overwhelmed mothers in your life, remind them how well they’re doing; gift them affirmation cards like the Black Icons set or Words That Work deck to encourage them when you can’t be there to cheer them on.
6. A self-care set
Their mother could be long-distance or the relationship could be fraught. They might be mourning their mother. No matter the circumstance, inviting a friend who is having a difficult Mother’s Day to care for themselves imparts some major maternal energy. Send the message loud and clear by gifting them a high-quality skincare set like the Complete Routine set by Mantl or the Lather + Slather bundle by 54 Thrones.
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7. A soothing candle
There is a candle fit for every occasion, including Mother’s Day. You can stick to a serious and touching tribute by gifting the Dear Mama set to anyone missing their mother’s warmth. Or you can press on the funny bone just a little with the popular “Mom’s last nerve” candle for those who may be missing when they used to annoy her. Either could also work as a lovely gift from a child to their mom — especially if they’re trying to smooth anything over.
RELATED: 10 Black-owned candle brands to shop (and sniff) this season
8. A pop culture reference
Blanket someone missing that motherly comfort or in need of some maternal encouragement in a blanket covered in the faces of iconic Black TV moms. We can’t think of anything more comforting than being wrapped up in Aunt Viv or Clair Huxtable’s warm embrace. Created by The Trini Gee shop on Etsy, the pattern comes available on a fleece blanket, t-shirt, crewneck, or coffee mug.
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9. Offer them a safe space
While a thoughtful gift is appreciated in any scenario, sometimes what someone struggling with Mother’s Day needs is a safe space to express themselves. Offer them a listening ear without judgment or even advice — just listen. Let them know you are here for them throughout the day and beyond.
10. Help them honor their mother or child
Every person grieves differently, and a person in mourning during Mother’s Day may find it cathartic to use the day to honor either their lost mother or child. Paying homage to the deceased can take place in a variety of ways, including holding a brief tribute ceremony in a place they loved, eating their favorite foods, or playing music you associate with the departed.
RELATED: Grieving on Mother’s Day: Celebrating all the moms in heaven
11. Start a new tradition — or invite them to take part in your own
There are plenty of us who look forward to doing the same thing every year to celebrate our mothers. Perhaps they enjoy going to the latest release in theaters, a decadent brunch, or receiving a massive bouquet of flowers (or all of the above). When either the mother or the child is no longer here to participate, the traditions we no longer get to enjoy can make contending with the day that much more difficult. This year, consider helping anyone struggling with the loss of old traditions start a new one.
As you make plans for the day, don’t forget to invite anyone you know who doesn’t have plans to take part in yours. For some, being alone or pretending as if the day isn’t happening at all could feel worse than getting someone else’s mom a card and showing up to brunch.
12. Feed them
Those of us who have been lucky enough to taste the healing powers of a mother’s home cooking understand its nurturing power. We can’t think of much that is more maternal than feeding someone in need of comfort. You don’t even have to break out the apron and whip something up in the kitchen; you can order in their favorite, treat them to lunch, or even give them a DoorDash gift card.
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13. Remind them they’re not alone
No one, and we repeat no one, is alone in having a difficult time on Mother’s Day. Each year, many people struggle with the day. Simply reaching out to remind someone they aren’t alone and that you are here for them could have a greater impact than any gift or gesture ever could.
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