TheGrio Daily

How to be a Race-Baiter

Episode 173

Race-Baiting all-star, and world-famous wypipologist, Michael Harriot, breaks down the fundamental skills needed to play the race card. Race-baiting is a difficult political skill to master, but listen closely, and you, too, can enrage wypipo with these 5 proven strategies.

“It’s all wypipo’s fault. But even though those are documented peer-reviewed facts, bringing it up can cause a lot of consternation around your Caucasian friends.”

Full Transcript Below:

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Michael Harriot: Have you ever wanted a career in identity politics? Do wypipo frequently assume that you are a professional race card player? Have you ever displayed a talent for baiting races? Well, that’s why I want to welcome you to theGrio Daily, the only podcast that can teach you how to become a race-baiter.

I’m world world-famous wypipologist, Michael Harriot, and this is theGrio Daily. Here at theGrio Daily, we don’t just like to talk about history or politics. Sometimes we want to give back to the community. And that’s why we want to welcome you to this groundbreaking seminar on race-baiting. We have consulted with some of the top race-baiters in their field to produce this curriculum that will get you on the way to becoming a race-baiter.

Now it’s not everything, but this race-baiting 101 class can get you on your way. First, let’s start with the obvious question. What is race-baiting? Also known as playing the race card and identity politics. Race-baiting is a common accusation usually leveled by wypipo who are skilled at clutching their pearls.

You know, you can discuss Black people, Asians, Hispanics, or any other demographic, but if you talk about racism or white supremacy, or discrimination, you might cause wypipo to have a conniption. Now, I really don’t know what a conniption is. I think it’s something like a hissy fit. Um, but, you know, I’ll leave that up to the scientists.

My point is that it’s perfectly fine for anybody to talk about race as long as you’re not talking about the white race. Otherwise, you could be accused of race-baiting. So today we’re going to talk about the five fundamental principles of race-baiting. They are like ‘race-baiting rules,’ if you will. 

Rule number one, tell the truth. Anybody can just say something that makes wypipo upset. That’s not really hard to do. But to make them really, really mad and to get them to call you a race-baiter and to consider you as an elite-level race card player, you gotta be telling the truth, right? Because they’ll dismiss you otherwise.

For instance, if you hear something about, you know, crime and Black people and Black neighborhoods, and you mention that wypipo use more drugs, that’ll make them really mad. Now, you can point to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Annual Survey, or when you’re talking about Black-on-Black crime, you can point to the statistics, the FBI statistics that show, like, in 2022, the latest year that we have data for, that white-on-white crime is generally about the same as Black-on-Black crime, Black people victimize Black people, wypipo victimize wypipo people because people mostly commit crimes against people who they are around. And if it wasn’t for wypipo and this little thing called Jim Crow, and redlining, and segregation, then there might be more of what we call ‘intraracial crime.’ So it’s all wypipo’s fault. But even though those are documented peer-reviewed facts, bringing it up can cause a lot of consternation around your Caucasian friends. Thus making you a certified race-baiter, or maybe you might get tagged with being a ‘reversed racist’ or something like that. You know, they got all kinds of names for it, but again, you have to start out by telling the truth.

Number two, don’t sugarcoat things. If you want to make the race card-playing all-star team, you can’t sugarcoat things. So, for instance, when a well-trained race-baiter talks about someone like Thomas Jefferson, they’ll call him a rapist, right? They might call him ex-president. They might call him a founding father, but they also mentioned that he was a rapist. Like, he raped more often than he wrote Constitutions.  He was a rapist for longer than he was the president. You have no duty to make people uncomfortable or to sugarcoat the truth if you are a good race-baiter. Or when your white friend brings up the fact that Martin Luther King said he wanted people to be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. Remind him that he didn’t say that about wypipo. He didn’t say that about everyone. He said he wanted his children to be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. Again, you have no. duty to perpetuate the mythology of white supremacy. That’s being a good race-baiter. 

And number three, a skilled race card player always uses the words wypipo. After all, it’s okay to refer to the disparate indigenous people who occupied North America before wypipo got here as Native Americans. We can call no matter what tribe or kingdom they were from before they were stolen from Africa, we just call them Africans. But in history class, we talk about the English colonizers, the pilgrims who had a political motivation for being here, but you know, we don’t refer to them as just what they were to all the indigenous people, all of the Black people, it was just wypipo.

So don’t tie yourself up and not referring to white voters as “soccer moms” or “NASCAR dads” or “suburban voters,” when they talk about the Black vote all of the time. Again, you don’t have to do that. You can just use the words wypipo and again, it might cause a hissy fit or a conniption or some other kind of wypipo temper tantrum if you want to excel at identity politics and race-baiting you have to do this. 

Number four you gotta talk about the past. Again, this might seem simple because I don’t know what kind of subject you can engage in or discuss without talking about the past. You got to talk about the past when you talk about history or politics, or even economics, like, everything is based on studying things that happened before.

But, for some reason, we can talk about anything that happened before we were born, except for the things that wypipo did. Um, we can’t talk about Jim Crow. We can’t talk about, uh, racism, redlining. economic discrimination, financial discrimination. Even if it just happened yesterday, you can’t talk about it or you’ll be race-baiting.

But again, you want to be a race-baiter. So you gotta adhere to this principle. It’s important, right? And as we pointed out before, you’re free to talk about the past or talk about race if it’s not about the white race. For instance, right, um, in one of the biggest political debates of our time, right, if we’re talking about, you know, banning guns or curbing gun violence or gun control reform, people will always bring up the past.

They’re going to say, ‘Well, years ago, the founding fathers wrote the constitution and the second amendment and it, and you’re going to take my guns over my dead body.’ However, if you want to talk about the Second Amendment, only a race-baiter would bring up the fact that the Second Amendment was specifically created to protect wypipo from the possibility of a slave revolt.

Ooh, that’s some good race-baiting right there. Even though it’s the same constitution bringing up the Second Amendment is just talking about the founding fathers and the history of America, bringing up slavery. Three-fifths compromise or any other racist thing that was embedded in America’s foundational document. Now that is playing the race card. 

And the last and most important thing on this list, number five, is be Black. Yes, if you want to be recognized among the field of top-level race-baiters, you got to be Black, right? Because wypipo talk about race all of the time. But they don’t get called or branded as a race-baiter, right?

When Tucker Carlson talks about immigrants replacing real Americans, they’re talking about wypipo, but that’s not race-baiting. When, when they talk about making America great again, or demonize woke or cry about critical race theory, they’re talking about race, but because they’re white, they’re not racist.

They’re patriotic. They are red-blooded American citizens, who fought for this country, even though Black people disproportionately fought in every war in American history. They are people who believe in traditional American values, racism, and want things the way that God intended them to be. Yes, unfortunately. race-baiting is one of those fields that it’s nearly impossible to break into if you are white. But, you have to be Black, or at least not white, to be a race-baiter. 

And, if you take these principles and apply them to your daily life, you’ll be on the path to becoming one of the great race-baiters of our time.

Now, there are a few other things that you’ll have to do. Like you got to subscribe to this podcast. You got to tell a friend about it. You got to download that Grio app. And of course you got to have one of those good Black sayings, like the ones that we leave you with every day. And today’s Black saying is “I don’t always talk about race. But when I do, it’s the white one.” We’ll see you next time on theGrio Daily.

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