In an age of dating shows like “The Bachelorette” – in which a woman picks a suitable mate from a selection of men – and “The Cougar” which features an older woman doing the same, it is clear that the role of women in relationships has changed drastically in the modern day.
The woman of today is one who has choices, is often financially independent and well educated, and has a career. She chooses when to get involved with a man, and even how involved she wants to be – including whether or not that will include marriage and kids.
But double standards still remain. For example, no one raises an eyebrow when a successful or famous man dates or marries an unknown woman, but a successful woman is expected to be involved with a man who complements her in stature and wealth. Tiger Woods, for example, married his friend’s nanny and no one raised an eyebrow. However, one could not imagine Condoleezza Rice getting involved with anyone but a highly successful man.
Women have made great advances in business right across the board. The speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, is in line to the presidency after Vice President Joe Biden. Until last year, Hillary Clinton was considered the front-runner for the Democratic nomination. She is now the top diplomat of the U.S. as Secretary of State, a position that was held before her by Condoleezza Rice. The GOP’s vice presidential candidate was Sarah Palin, who has gone on to be one of the front runners for her party’s nomination for the presidency in 2012.
What do all these advances mean for men when it comes to dating? Do we have to always seek out women who earn less than we do and therefore fit the traditional role?
The answer is obviously a resounding ‘no’ – although there are many men, as well as women, who indeed prefer these traditional roles where the man is the breadwinner and the most successful one of the couple. Although 25.7 percent of women now out earn their husbands, some anecdotal evidence suggests that both sexes have adapted quite well to the changing realities with many men saying that they find it sexy to date a woman who earns more than they do.
I was recently at a dinner with two businesswomen and the conversation switched to their experiences on vacation where their guide was “very gentlemanly” and picked up the tab on every occasion. The notion that the independent woman does not want her man opening the door or picking up the tab is prevalent. However, I don’t think that the independent woman appreciates being treated well by a man any less than the traditional woman of yesteryear.
In the black community – where there are 7.8 million women in the workforce in comparison to 6.5 million men – the traditional roles have been turned right on their head. Men now have to straddle the delicate balance between chivalry and being seen as chauvinistic, but dating the modern independent woman does not have to be intimidating.
I think that many women expect us men to pick up the tab on the first date. Many women expect chivalrous gifts such as chocolate and flowers, which are still considered some of the most romantic gifts, and they’re ones that thankfully won’t break the bank. And, further down the road, your lady who works a higher paying job may actually appreciate your hard work on a fancy homemade dinner accompanied by a nice wine.
Powerful, independent women are here to stay, and the shifting gender roles in our relationships will continue to be negotiated long after the first date.
Read more about ‘A Woman’s Nation’ with Guest Editor Maria Shriver on msnbc.com.