Any fool can be a father but it takes someone special to be a loving and supportive dad. That’s the message a new movement of black men are advocating.
Dads are becoming more vocal about taking a strong role in the lives of their children. Whereas a decade ago it was relatively unheard of, today it is possible for fathers to be awarded sole custody of their kids.
Barack Obama’s presence in the White House has “elevated the conversation” says Kenneth Braswell, executive director of Fathers Incorporated.
Not only has the president put “responsible fatherhood” at the top of the political agenda with his nationwide Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative, says Braswell, but he is also a compelling role model of a black man clearly devoted to his two daughters.
“This has changed the conversation, if he can do it, then how come we can’t,” adds Braswell, who himself has four children. Obama, for example, has always talked candidly about being raised in a single parent household and the void he felt growing up without a father.
According to U.S. Census data, more than 24 million children, or about one in three, lived apart from their biological fathers in 2009. Figures also show an even higher number of African-American men live apart from their kids.
Studies indicate that children who spend quality time with their fathers do better in all areas of their lives. Research indicates those raised by single parents have lower levels of achievement at school, are more likely to have behavior problems and are less likely to hold down steady jobs.
“It is critically important for men to be present and provide love for their children,” says Eric Payne, creator of the fatherhood blog, MakesMeWannaHoller.com.
Lamar Tyler, who along with his wife Ronnie runs the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com, echoes this sentiment. “Children need their fathers to determine what Manhood really is so they don’t look at pop culture as a definition.”
The duo has produced a series of feature length DVD documentaries through their production company, Tyler New Media. One of their films — Men Ain’t Boys — offers a thought provoking look at issues such as effective fatherhood, stereotypes surrounding manhood and maintaining lasting relationships, says Tyler.
“There is something about having a father in the house as a guiding force in the life of a child that’s important,” says father of two, Payne. “For boys a loving father figure in the home is their first example of manhood.”
“For girls her father is her first example of a real man who loves her unconditionally so when she’s out in the real world she doesn’t get caught up with what isn’t love” he adds. “The relationship with her father is a framework, a template, to define her relationship with other men.”
NBA veteran Etan Thomas, who has recently written a book on fatherhood, nevertheless says it’s crucial not be caught up in all the negatively surrounding discussions on single parenthood.
“I do a lot of work with young people who are growing up without fathers,” says Thomas. They hear a lot of negativity from adults about what happens if you come from a single parent household.”
Children brought up in single parent homes need to know that life is about making choices. Effective fatherhood and success is an achievable challenge, even for kids from broken homes, says Thomas.
In his book, Fatherhood: Rising to the Ultimate Challenge, well-known figures from all walks of life [including the likes of Isaiah Washington, Al Sharpton, Ice Cube and Chuck D] give their commentary on what they’ve learned from being a father, having a father, or in some cases not having a father around.
Thomas, a father of three young children, is acutely aware of the criticisms leveled against pro athletes. He says, however, there are many taking care of their business but the media tend to focus on the negative.
NBA player Dwyane Wade, for instance, has said being a father is by far the most important job in the world.
Despite the wealth, fame and adulation that come with a successful professional basketball career, the Miami Heat star has said he lives by the motto, “I’m a father first and everything else after that…”
So much so that he is writing a book about Fatherhood to be published September 4, 2012. In his forthcoming memoir, A Father First: How My Life Became Bigger Than Basketball, Wade talks about his experiences as the child of a single parent as well as being a single father, his publicist told theGrio.
In March 2011, Wade won sole custody of his two young sons, Zion and Zaire, following a long custody battle with his now ex-wife Siohvaughn. He has since been recognized by national organizations, including President Barack Obama’s Fatherhood & Mentoring Initiative.
At a time when African-American men are often depicted poorly in the mainstream media, Wade is just one of many fathers doing the right thing to be present in the lives of their children.
Follow Kunbi Tinuoye on Twitter at @Kunbiti