I am dripped daily in pop culture — just rollin’ waist-deep in iPods, iPads, newsfeeds and instapics; tweets, tubes, texts and more. Updates I used to get from the evening news or the morning paper come so fast now, its hard to keep up. All day its WTH, WTF, SMH, “shut up” and “wait — what?” It’s an emotional roller coaster. I’m screaming one-minute, crying the next. But I’m a comedian. There is something ROTFL/LMAO in all of it, so it’s all good.
And, I have intel I never had before. I already know who died 10 seconds ago and who is about to be arrested (call me!). This new normal is crazy, but like I said, I’m ridin’ wit’ it, rollin wit’ it.
But even me, Lord, even me… am stopped dead in my tracks when stuff goes by so fast that even I have to say, “Am I really witnessing this,” or “What is THAT?” LOL.
Here are my top six “What is THAT?” moments for this month or so with my answers from my files… No way I’m going remember cause it’s a new day in new media and the hits keep coming.
From “dabackcourtjester” files:
1. BrowBeliever: NBA first-round pick Anthony Davis’ unibrow. “What is That?” THAT is a brand that you can believe in and a trademark you can own in perpetuity worldwide. I see new products – hairvisors, browswiffers, and some more! I have afro-puffs of my own, now, and with Vaseline and a fine comb, if this becomes a fashion trend, let’s go! Official “brand ambassador” in the building (send me a check).
2. The Fade Away Hairline: Just like the lace front wigs on the ladies is not a real solution, a headband on a fella, is not a real solution. LeBron, what is THAT? You need to let that go bruh because you got a HD Forehead right now… l just saw The Dream Team movie on that thing! Come on. That hairline has made even Fat Joe leanback! Breathe and let go!! See what it did for Michael Jordan! Amazing!!
3. Olympic Water Polo: Members of the US Water Polo team are pop stars right now. What is THAT? I never thought water and balls went together. If you want us to watch the Olympics, add some summer contests we would watch – barbequing, spades, catching a cab in NYC or DC. THAT is when I’m streamin’ live.
From the “Ladies Night Out” files:
4. X Marks the Spot: Andrea Kelly, according to VH1’s Hollywood Exes, is R. Kelly’s wife of 15 years? What is THAT? DAMNNN, Andrea, where you been, girl? Trapped in the closet for real! Or maybe you were that “Honey Love” from one of my favorite R.Kelly songs. No worries though, it’s nice to finally meet ya. Sorry it’s under these circumstances. Time to “Fly” boo!
5. From Pole to Hole: Why are we in the bathroom stall with the ATL’s own, former stripper Joseline Hernandez, on VH1’s Love & Hip Hop: ATL? What is THAT? I’m cool with a window into somebody’s world that is not legally stalking, but do I really need to see a woman pee on a stick? My TV started to smell funny! SMH!!!
6. Coming to America: You have to love America. We welcome everybody… well except Hispanics. When Canada told their transgendered contestant, Jenna Talackova, she couldn’t compete in their pageant because she wasn’t “naturally born” a girl, Donald Trump said, “come on girl, we gotchu!” Let’s face it, we are “natural” born suckers for a good story! Kudos Mr. Trump.
On that note, PLEASE Fan Me/Follow Me: Why I gotta’ get people to like me and tweet me? I used to be able to do a couple of interviews and let the crew know I was gonna’ be down at the local club… Now I have to put out Amber Alerts. What is THAT?
THAT is so I can move tickets and sell DVD’s, so follow me on Twitter @billbellamy and find me on Facebook, and buy my new Craxy, Sexy, Dirty DVD — in stores everywhere, Tuesday, July 17.