Usher Raymond, Grammy award winning artist and recent divorcee, has reportedly served Tameka Foster (formerly Raymond), his ex-wife and mother of his two children, papers — and I am not talking about the song.
According to TMZ, sources have confirmed that Usher’s lawyer have sent a letter to Tameka informing her that the 12,000 sq. ft. Georgia home, which she has been residing in for the last few years, is going on the market. Usher, who legally owns the $3 million home, is giving his ex-wife 60 days to vacate the premises, as required under their 2009 divorce agreement.
A divorce is a horrible thing to have to go through, especially when it appears that both sides are hell-bent on making this dissolution as thorny as possible. There were allegations of cheating (with not one, but two of Foster’s bridesmaids), accusations of gold digging, which Usher recently made on Oprah’s couch — and plenty of courtroom weeping. After a while, watching the whole Raymond vs. Raymond (see what I did there?) breakdown was like watching one of those really bad Nollywood movies: long, terribly acted, pointless but in a strange way, fairly compelling.
What makes two people, who once pledged their undying love for one another, suddenly turn into mortal, hostile enemies?
In July, Foster lost Kile, her 11-year-old son from her previous marriage, in a freak jet ski accident. A month afterwards, she would lose two more of her five children in a bitter custody battle. On top of that, according to TMZ, the former hairstylist and wardrobe stylist has been unable to support herself and has been financially dependent on Usher since their separation. Sure, he has the legal standing to sell off his property, but wouldn’t the civilized thing to do be to wait until the mother of your children was in better financial and emotional standing before giving her the boot out the door?
Perhaps Usher was inspired by Steve Harvey, revered relationship “expert,” talk show host, radio personality and proud owner of hundreds of colorful suits. Mary Shackelford, his second wife of almost 10 years, took to YouTube last year to give her version of the dissolution of their marriage including allegations that he was unfaithful, evicted her, took their son and left her penniless. Harvey responded by serving her with a box of chocolates, a Valentine’s Day card, and a notice of appearance to go back to court hidden insider for the gag order issued against her. Smooth.
Or maybe Tameka is following in the footsteps of Siohvaughn Funches-Wade, ex-wife of Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade. She too would lose custody of their two sons after a very public four-year battle, and suffering the humiliation of being arrested and accused of kidnapping when she failed to hand the boys over to Wade’s sister after a visit in June. However, Siohvaughn would contend as recently as six days ago that Wade had been physically abusive with her while she was pregnant and had been intimate with his now girlfriend Gabrielle Union (whom Siohvaughn unsuccessfully sued) while they were still officially a couple.
Plus, Funches-Wade is certain that the courts were “seduced by his celebrity” in explaining why these legal outcomes did not turn out her way. But like Tameka, she was left out in the cold.
In these situations, everyone rushes to take sides. Tameka is a gold digger, thus getting her just due. Usher is an adulterer, who is using the courts and his celebrity status to cover his misdeeds. However, no one knows for sure all of the details of their relationship. People change. So do feelings, aspirations and motivation in love.
Breakdowns in relationships just don’t “happen.” Instead, problems tend to build and bud over a long period of time. And what we, as outsiders, often witness are the bruised feelings and egos, which happen because divorce has this nasty habit of turning generally decent people, in really complex moments of their lives, into colossal jerks — at least publicly anyway.
Like having your ex arrested for child abduction or trash talking them in the pages of the media or using the court system to have them evicted from the house, even when there is a chance they have no place to go.
Many times this is the reaction of a person, who is hurting and lacks the maturity to deal with their emotions rationally. Instead they would rather do divisive things to anger the person. Sometimes it is done to get a counter-reaction, sometimes in hopes of beating their exes into submission — but most times, they do it just to win.
Unfortunately, when this occurs, any hopes of an amiable co-existence are lost. And when that happens, there are no winners. Not for Usher, not for Tameka and certainly not for the children, which they share.
Someone will have to be the bigger person here, at least for the children’s sake and at best, for their own. I mean, it is certainly not a good look for Usher Raymond, who is primed for a comeback in the music industry. Who would want to hear an R&B artist sing songs about love and romance with the knowledge that he is actively campaigning to kick the still-grieving mother of his children out in the streets?
For all of these men, and many other famous and successful men like them who decide to leave their wives through no wrongdoing of the women, leaving a woman and taking her children should be shaming enough, if what they want is a power play. These acts are so devastating, at least they should be done graciously, especially if no ill will is intentionally behind the acts.
Usher, we know divorce is never easy, but it does not have to be annihilating.
Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.