Parents share stories of losing their children in commemoration of Worldwide Candle Lighting day
theGRIO REPORT - December 8 is Worldwide Candle Lighting day -- a day for all those impacted by the loss of a child to unite as they honor their sons' and daughters' memories...
But I will never get to experience those moments with Denim. On April 4, he died from his injuries after an out-of-control car struck us both while we stood on a Brooklyn sidewalk. I’ve been able to piece that much together from what I’ve been told since following the crash. I have brain damage and memory loss. Plus I have two broken legs, a fractured pelvis and no sense of smell or taste.
At the age of 38, I spend my days in a nursing home learning to walk again and thinking about Denim with every step I try to take. My faith in God is gone. I don’t know why God would take away something that meant everything to me. I wake up trying to figure out how to make it through the day and there’s only one thing that motivates me, building Denim’s legacy.
On Denim’s first birthday I established the non-profit, Denim Kids so that when he grew up he could give back to others through his own charity. Initially we focused on providing underprivileged youth with clothing, food and school supplies. But now I’ve expanded the mission to include mental health and supportive services for caregivers dealing with the loss of a child. It’s the only one of my businesses that I still run.
This past Sunday, we celebrated our new vision on what would have been Denim’s third birthday with a memorial concert and ribbon cutting ceremony. Denim’s spirit filled the place with love, laughter, smiles and healing. And I felt him by my side, keeping me going and letting me know that he is proud of Mommy.
Peter Wright, Sr.
I feel like I have two lives: My 21 years with my son, Glenn “Spoof” Wright, and now four years without him. Glenn died on September 13, 2009, a day after Latin King gang members mistook him for someone else and stabbed him in the neck. Glenn was never involved in any criminal activity, or wrongdoing. He was simply cleaning his grandmother’s windows when he was murdered.
My son, Glenn, meant the world to me. He was my best friend. We were Saturday buddies and would go grocery shopping together every weekend at Pathmark, or Trader Joe’s. We would talk about nutrition, and he would cook healthy meals for me. He always wanted to make sure everyone ate healthy foods. That shows just how caring he was. He was also handy and could fix things. If you ever needed anything, he was there to help you.
But his love extended beyond his family. He shared all that he was with the community, too, through his work at East Harlem Tutorial Program (EHTP), and the non-profit organization, The Point Community Development Corporation. He helped lead the EHTP robotics team to a national competition in Atlanta. Afterward, he coached and mentored future robotics team members.
At The Point he also worked with youth. In his spare time he was developing his artistic talents through photography, painting and drawing.
Glenn had so much to live for, and his murder has left me in shock and devastation. I know he is gone, but it still doesn’t seem real. The only real thing is that in his short life he built a legacy. EHTP created an annual college scholarship in his name and his friends have formed The House of Spoof Collective (THOSC). Inspired by Glenn, THOSC has established a gallery and studio space in the Bronx and they regularly exhibit his work as part of their collection.
Once a month I attend a support group at Harlem Mothers S.A.V.E. While there I am reminded that there are so many other parents who lost children due to violence. So I share my story for them and most of all, for Glenn.
Coping with the loss of children at Christmas
They say that the loss of a child is a wound that never truly heals for a parent. It is something that one learns to cope with, in part from the support of others who have the courage to share their stories. This holiday season, we hope that through Worldwide Candle Lighting day, and spaces such as this piece, parents who have lost children can come together to share their pain and support each other in the way only they can fully understand.
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