Madonna’s non-apology for her n-word Instagram caption is yet another example of how the word has become overly complicated throughout the years. There is a very simple rule that will make life easier for everyone. If you are not black, do not ever use the word the n-word or any variation of it. Period.
Yes, some of us black folks use the word when talking to each other, it is in approximately 89,000 popular rap songs and you could make a decent argument on either side of the “taking ownership” of the word debate. Fine. However, none of that gives non-black folks a pass of any sort to use that word. The use of the n-word is complicated amongst black people. The use of the n-word by white people is and always has been unacceptable.
Many kids of all races growing up now use the n-word as a more street version of “bro.” They mainly know the word from movies and songs. Some of them don’t have a deep, visceral reaction to it because they don’t have an understanding of the history behind it. Additionally, I know that some white people are genuinely entrenched in black culture, grew up with black people and therefore take on all of the same mannerisms, pop culture references and dialect as their black friends and neighbors. Some of those white folks use the n-word with their black friends. They know better than to use that word when speaking to black people they don’t know.
Madonna is 55 years old (not a kid) and referred to one of her four children as “dis ni**a” in a hashtag on Instagram, a very public social media platform. In her non-apology for the caption, Madonna said she was using the word as a term of endearment. Yeah, no. Madonna has been romantically linked to black men in the pastpast. (She was dating a gorgeous model not too long ago. Have mercy.) And in addition to the two white children she birthed, she adopted two black children.
So Madonna has had substantive interactions and meaningful relationships with black people. This is not a Paula Dean moment. She’s not backing away from the fact that she said the n-word. She basically just told the world why she thinks it’s okay for her to use it.
She said she is not a racist. Okay. Cool. Still doesn’t make it okay to use the n-word. To her credit though, I do appreciate the fact that she did not bring up her two black children in her non-apology. She didn’t say, “I can’t be racist, I have black kids!” Having a black partner or black children does not mean someone is not racist. Some people think they married an “exception.” So, I give a nod to Madonna for that.
Also, I keep referring to her statement as a non-apology because she said, “I’m sorry, if…” When the word “if” is used in apology like that, it’s not a real apology.
Madonna’s use of the n-word as a “term of endearment” towards her white son on Instagram is perhaps a peek into her household and her way of being a “cool mom.” Does everybody in her house call each other n*ggas? Ugh. I shudder to think about that, but the bottom line is, Madonna should not be using the n-word and she could have kept that non-apology, too.
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