In her new memoir, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare, Gabourey Sidibe is opening up for the first time about her struggles with depression, anxiety and bulimia.
The Empire star spoke to People magazine about her decision to get laparoscopic bariatric surgery after she and her older brother Ahmed found out that they had Type 2 diabetes. “I just didn’t want to worry,” she said. “I truly didn’t want to worry about all the effects that go along with diabetes. I genuinely [would] worry all the time about losing my toes.”
For more than a decade, Sidibe tried to lose weight naturally, but finally, she decided it was time to try surgery.
I really do like a gross ass bathroom selfie…..I gotta get my life.
A post shared by Gabby Sidibe ?? (@gabby3shabby) on
“My surgeon said they’d cut my stomach in half. This would limit my hunger and capacity to eat. My brain chemistry would change and I’d want to eat healthier. I’ll take it! My lifelong relationship with food had to change,” she wrote in her memoir.
“The surgery wasn’t the easy way out. I wasn’t cheating by getting it done. I wouldn’t have been able to lose as much as I’ve lost without it.”
She also wrote about her struggles with mental illness, particularly anxiety and depression.
“It has taken me years to realize that what I was born with is all beautiful,” she wrote. “I did not get this surgery to be beautiful. I did it so I can walk around comfortably in heels. I want to do a cartwheel. I want not to be in pain every time I walk up a flight of stairs.”
“There’s nothing ugly about me. Anyone trying to convince me that I am — and it’s usually me — is wasting her time,” she later added. “I was in a war with my body for a long time. If I’d started treating it better sooner, I wouldn’t have spent so many years hating myself. But I love my body now.”