Tiffany Haddish’s road to success was a rocky one. And even though she’s now enjoying the fruits of her labor from the lemons she turned into lemonade, the Night School star admits that she was once consumed with suicidal thoughts but snapped out of it when she learned a gruesome secret from her stepfather.

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Haddish, 38, told The New York Times that events in her early life like getting raped at 17 years old by a police cadet and the life-changing accident that almost killed her mom, led her to want to kill herself.

“I literally wanted to kill myself,” she said. “I felt like everything in my life and everybody that came around was out to hurt me.”

And to make matters worse, Tiffany Haddish said her stepfather admitted she too was supposed to be in the car with her mother who had an accident that sent her careening the windshield and resulted in permanent brain damage.

The comedian said her stepfather told her to “buck up” and snap out of depression because she should be dead. Her stepfather admitted that he cut the car’s brakes and intended for Haddish and her siblings to be killed in the car with her mother.

At age 21, Haddish found inspiration in that morbid statement and instead of setting her sights on suicide she instead set out for revenge against her step-father.

“His life was going really great when I was trying to get revenge,” she said. “As soon as I started doing that, life started kicking him in the ass.”

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But she said she let go after her grandmother told her to let God handle it.

Tiffany Haddish is getting the last laugh by recently winning an Emmy for her guest starring role hosting Saturday Night Live and a slate of new movies in the works.