Many of us have been rooting for Remy Ma the last couple of years as we watched her come out of incarceration, rebuild her career and become the unofficial poster child for #BlackLove along with her ride-or-die beloved Papoose.
So you can imagine how shocked – and betrayed – many of her fans felt this week when she unexpectedly started spewing out a tidal wave of narrow minded and deeply divisive rhetoric that literally likened sexual assault victims who sue their attackers… to prostitutes.
And be clear, even if you are amongst those of us who respect and have compassion for sex workers and the myriad of valid reasons why they choose to make a living that way… I hope we can all agree that as far as analogies go, this one was an EPIC fail.
Remy Ma hood ass hot takes on State of the Culture are terrible. Her stance on sexual assault accusations made me cringe.
— Restoring that 2012 feeling 🇵🇦 (@Geechi_Luciano) September 24, 2019
Let’s start at the beginning
This hot mess of a stand-off all took place during Monday’s episode of the Revolt TV talk show State of the Culture, where our girl Remy sat down with her co-hosts Joe Budden, Eboni K. Williams and Brandon “Jinx” Jenkins, to discuss the headline making sexual assault allegations against NFL player Antonio Brown.
Last Friday, Brown was released by the New England Patriots after a second woman came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. It bears noting that this is the third team in just seven months that has severed times with him due to off-field behavior that keeps overshadowing his accomplishments in the NFL.
But instead of focusing on this brother’s extensive (and troubling) history of illegal antics, for some reason Remy instead chose to question why rape victims sometimes opt to seek financial compensation from their attackers. And then she went the extra mile and compared it to “prostitution.”
“If you rape my sister, my daughter, my anything … I don’t want your money,” she opined. “Worst-case scenario, I want something to happen to you so that you’re removed from being able to do this to someone else.”
This! It’s just disgusting! I saw a couple tweets saying her point is being misinterpreted & this is taken out of context. Nah she meant what she said, and said what she meant & it’s absolutely disgusting. This is why victims stay silent! #LHHNY #RemyMa https://t.co/3Zt4LN9QmQ
— Marcellus (@MrMussio) September 27, 2019
Williams, who in addition to being an attorney, also seems to make more sense. She interjected by pointing out that, “some people feel like that’s the compensation that they want,” and explained that the payment survivors receive is for therapy, loss of income due to ongoing trauma and emotional distress.
But Remy was unmoved by this logic and only seemed to double down.
“That’s called prostitution,” she responded bluntly, despite the fact that very literally speaking she is incorrect. “It’s seems like in a lot of these alleged sexual assault cases the women are asking for money. ‘Hey, give me money and I’ll feel better.’ To me, in any exchange with sexual acts of being compensated with money, that’s prostitution.”
After all the trappings that Remy has been able to side step in order to safe guard her new lease on life, I’m a bit flabbergasted that THIS is the hill she chose to die on.
And realizing that their own reputations (and edges) were on the line due to “guilt by association”, her co-hosts very strongly denounced her statements while also attempting to talk some sense into her.
“You have to agree to the sex for it to be prostitution,” said Budden, with Jenkins adding that Remy’s mischaracterization was a “gross simplification” of the issues at hand.
Not surprisingly when Black Twitter and Woke Twitter both heard of the incident, they went off. And this is one of those occasions where I have to admit their rage was entirely justified.
“Dear Remy Ma, You sat comfortably on a couch, at your big age & said when rape victims, sue their abusers for money, it’s prostitution? Nah, it’s restitution! How disgusting & ill informed of you!” tweeted a user by the name of @JeromeTrammel.
Dear Remy Ma,
You sat comfortably on a couch, at your big age & said when rape victims, sue their abusers for money, it’s prostitution? Nah, it’s restitution!
— Jerome Trammel (@JeromeTrammelTV) September 26, 2019
And they’re right, restitution is what you call compensation for injury or loss. Survivors of violent crimes – which yes include sexual assault – have a legal right to make their attackers pay for their loss of peace. There is nothing unsavory or illegal about that.
You know what is illegal though? Assault, illegal weapon possession and attempted coercion in connection with these charges, which just happen to be the three crimes that Remy – real name Reminisce Smith – was convicted of on March 27, 2008.
There’s a name for that
For those who are wondering how a woman who went to jail for shooting her friend over a couple thousand dollars could ever fix her mouth to judge the plight of other women seeking compensation after an assault (the irony cuts deep on this one right?!) there is actually a name for this behavior.
It appears y’all’s girl Remy is suffering from a growing epidemic known as internalized misogyny.
Internalized misogyny – also referred to as internalized sexism – is what occurs when someone internalizes sexist behaviors and attitudes towards themselves and people of their own sex from their environment. And as a result, make statements that any sane person can see champion ideals that work against their own best interests.
And given that Remy grew up in the often toxically masculine world of hip-hop culture, and has the luxury of walking around in a curated bubble of like-minded problematic yes-men thanks to her celebrity, it’s easy to see how she somehow convinced herself that the mess she’s saying actually makes sense.
In fact, aside from the stench of her rape apologist “hot take” on the Antonio Brown case, the most stunning thing about this week’s clip is how stoic she attempts to be when speaking, as if the words coming out of her mouth are the thoughtful musings of someone with an intelligent grasp of the situation.
It doesn’t matter how slowly you speak, what you said still sounds foolish and lacks the very same compassion you asked of all of us when we welcomed you back with open arms and empowered you to drag Nicki Minaj for months… despite the fact that she singlehandedly kept the female rap market afloat while you were still sleeping on the bottom bunk of your jail cell.
I was rooting for you sis. We all were. And THIS is how you repay us?
While I’m not a fan of canceling humans for basic errors, THIS foolishness has very decidedly landed Remy on probation in my eyes; a place I am sure she is used to being but could have easily avoided.
Can you tell I’m pissed? Good. Watching people I used to respect attack the survival of rape victims has a way of making me feel that way.
Follow writer Blue Telusma on Instagram at @bluecentric