A list of 5 things I am begging white people not to do this Halloween season

Opinion: You would think white people would have figured these things out already, yet year after year, we see pictures of them committing the same costume violations.

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Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

It’s October, which means it’s both fall and Halloween time, or Spooky Season as some folks call it. 

I personally never really used to go up for fall or Halloween like that; I am a summer baby, after all, but in recent years, I’ve gotten more into the spirit of both fall and Halloween by coming up with costume ideas, buying those cute sugar skull succulents from Trader Joe’s, enjoying the fall drink collection from Starbucks and wearing my cute-ass Ugg boots with a pair of shorts and a long sweater (I live in Los Angeles, y’all). 

The one part of Halloween that I don’t enjoy, however, is the predictable parade of white people doing inappropriate things and wearing inappropriate costumes. It seems like no matter how much we call them out for it and explain why it is inappropriate, they keep doing it anyway, year after year. 

So I came up with a list of five things I want them not to do, and I will explain why, and I hope this helps somebody. Good white people who are reading this: Please grab your goofy white friends and make them understand this stuff. 

1. First of all, no one is giving your children their cannabis products for free, so stop worrying about it.

When I was a child, our parents got warned about razor blades being stuck inside apples and acid tabs being passed off as stickers to kids going trick-or-treating. I don’t know if anyone ever really found a razor in an apple. The acid thing sounds plausible, and I totally believed that some kid’s stomach exploded after they ate Pop Rocks and drank a Coke at the same time, but apparently that’s not true either.  

In the 21st century, the lie has become one that is so egregious and so annoying, every time I see it pop up, I want to grab people by the collar and shake them until their teeth rattle. 

Do you know that in the year of our lord Beyoncé 2022, there are people who believe those who enjoy cannabis, and especially cannabis edibles, are plotting to secretly sneak them into your children’s Halloween bags? Girl. 

As a consumer of vast quantities of cannabis edibles, I can assure you without any proof or data that absolutely no one is giving away their weed gummies for free and especially not to your children. 

The average price I pay for a package of edibles is about $20. There are usually 10 gummies in the package if they are 10 mg (California law only allows edibles to be up to 100 mg per package), so that means those gummies are $2 each. Two whole American dollars for one tiny gummy. It’s not a lot of money, but then again it is, and it is entirely too much money to be wasting on some little kids who wouldn’t appreciate it anyway. 

So this season, I beg y’all to please stop spreading this lie. Just admit you feed into reefer madness and go. 

2. Don’t wear blackface.

Whether you decide you want to be Michael Jackson or Megan Thee Stallion or Snoop Dogg or T’Challa or any other Black icon, please know that you can wear this costume and have people know who you are without putting Black paint on your face or otherwise wearing Blackface. 

It’s so unnecessary, after all. Have you noticed Black people are able to pull off costumes in which they are playing famous white people or white characters without painting their faces white? What part of that is so hard for y’all?

You’d think you would stop doing it since when those pictures surface, you will get your time on the Summer Jam screen and potentially lose your job or business or things you hold dear because now everyone knows you are a raging idiot and a racist. 

Yes, it’s racist for you to wear blackface. If I have to explain to you why, you are absolutely a racist. 

Just stop this practice. It’s gone on for far too long, and y’all are not funny anyway. 

3. Under no circumstances should you dress as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I shouldn’t even have to say this, but apparently there is a contingent of white people who think dressing up as Klan members is cute, clever or funny. It’s not, OK? 

Why you would want to put on a costume that is symbolic of everything this country was built on, including racism, white supremacy, racial terror, and straight up barbarism is beyond me. Well, aside from it meaning you are likely a huge, gaping racist, that is. 

In any case, if you are a white person who dons a Klan costume this Halloween, I really hope no one violently beats you. 


4. People’s cultures are not Halloween costumes.

This one is fairly straightforward and simple. If you are not a native Indigenous person, I better not see you wearing any type of costume that resembles the cultural garb that is significant to them and their traditions, and that includes feathered headdresses and the like. 

Seriously, don’t do this. It’s highly disrespectful and ignorant as hell. I know; it’s hard for some of y’all to not be ignorant when faced with that choice, but please, do your best. 

5. Do not dress up as the police.

Black people and other people of color experience enough terror from the police in our daily lives. We don’t need it on what is supposed to be a fun night. 

Enough said.

Barring all that, please remember that Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. That is one of my favorite “Mean Girls” quotes, and I plan to follow it this year. 

Have fun. Be safe. Be spooky. 

Happy Halloween, y’all!

Monique Judge thegrio.com

Monique Judge is a storyteller, content creator and writer living in Los Angeles. She is a word nerd who is a fan of the Oxford comma, spends way too much time on Twitter, and has more graphic t-shirts than you. Follow her on Twitter @thejournalista or check her out at moniquejudge.com.

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