Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
“Explain Like I’m a Racist 5-Year-Old” began as a takeoff of the popular subreddit “Explain Like I’m 5,” which simplifies complex issues into easily understandable, digestible bites that even a bigoted toddler could understand.
Psssst. Pssst! Mr. Harriot! Are you ready to go?
Hello, Racist Baby! Long time, no see! Where are we going?
Wait … what are you doing with a bottle of vodka and a Bible? You’re only 8 years old! And why are you whispering?
I’m here to rescue you! I stole this liquor bottle from dad and rushed over while no one was looking. I even brought my Bible so alcoholic Jesus could show us the way. I’ve heard enough negro spirituals to know that we have to follow the Drinking God.
No, RB. “The Drinking Gourd” is a term used by enslaved people on the Underground Railroad as code for the Big Dipper. But what are you supposedly rescuing me from?
Well, I overheard my father say that Black voters were stuck on the Democratic plantation. I know you vote, so I wanted to set you free. Even though my father says that slavery was the best thing that ever happened to you people, you’re one of my best friends, so I wanted to set you free!
Oh, my little neophyte Nazi, that’s so brave of you. But the Democratic plantation is just a figure of speech used by people to describe Black people’s tendency to vote for one party.
Are you sure it’s not a real place? I know you think my dad is racist, but he knows a lot about politics. He says the Democrats are the real racists. Have you ever heard of this man called Jason Whitlock? Candace Owens? They say that both parties are the same. So how do you know you’re not being tricked into staying on the Democratic plantation?
If both parties are identical, then why do all the white people vote Republican? Why has the majority of white people voted for the same party in every presidential election over the last 60 years? Why are nearly 9 out of 10 Republican voters white? If both parties are the same, then why does Pew Research show that everyone else — Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, Jewish, and Muslim voters — do not vote Republican? Have you ever wondered why no one ever came to save your family?
If both parties are the same, then aren’t they stuck on the Republican plantation?
But the man at the Klass for Kindergarten Kids says white people are more intelligent! Why would they need saving?
First of all, I don’t think that’s what KKK stands for.
Secondly, according to Pew Research, as a person’s education level increases, the likelihood that they’ll vote Republican actually decreases. So, if white people are more intelligent, then why is it that the least educated people vote Republican?
Maybe you need to rescue your uneducated white relatives.
But it’s not just white people saying this. When my mother was at her Moms for Liberty meetings, I snuck on the internet and discovered this thing called Black Twitter. A lot of people there say that “both parties are the same.”
Those people would have you believe that they are smarter than the 80% of Black people who vote for their own interests. They think they know more than the Black people who survived the lynching epidemic, destroyed Jim Crow and fought for their civil rights by coalescing their political power. And you also need to understand that social media lacks nuance.
My parents don’t have sisters, so I don’t have any new aunts. So, are you saying that the Democratic Party isn’t racist?
No, my sprite supremacist, nuance is a word that means “a subtle distinction or variation.”
Two things can be true. But on social media, there are no shades of gray, especially when it comes to politics. For instance, while most white people vote Republican, the Democratic Party is still majority white. Just because white voters’ politics align with the vast majority of nonwhite voters doesn’t mean they aren’t racist. There isn’t a Black person alive who doesn’t know this.
Even the staunchest advocate for the Democratic Party doesn’t believe that the party is racism-free. But they also believe they have the right to determine their political future. Being discontented with the people in the Democratic Party is different from using the two-party system as a tool for liberation. According to Pew Research —
Wait … why are you giggling?
I’m a kid! And you keep talking poo research! Plus, you just admitted that I’m right. You said the Democratic Party is racist! Wait till I tell everyone. You’re always talking about how you don’t like racism. How can you vote for someone who’s racist?
Politics has nothing to do with liking someone or whether or not they like you. You don’t even have to agree with a candidate’s racial views or every single one of a candidate’s policies. Voting is just one tool for advancing your political goals but it isn’t the only tool.
Abraham Lincoln was a white supremacist but Black people supported his Republican candidacy because his party was more likely to free the enslaved people. Democrat Franklin Roosevelt was a white supremacist but Black voters supported him because of his economic policies. Black voters didn’t forget about Joe Biden’s record on race; he was simply a tool that Black voters used to oust Donald Trump and his white nationalist regime. And because of Black voters’ political strategy, Republicans passed the 13th Amendment, freeing the slaves. Because of Black votes, FDR created a Black Cabinet that led to a ban on discrimination in federal agencies, and millions of jobs for African Americans. And, while many people think Biden hasn’t done enough for the Black voters that catapulted him to the presidency, his judicial appointments, loan forgiveness program, and the administration’s focus on underfunded HBCUs are a direct result of Black exercising their political power inside the Democratic Party.
But, contrary to popular belief, none of those Black people were voting for a party.
They were voting for Black people.
So those Black people who criticize the Democratic Party are wrong?
Not at all. I’m one of “those Black people.”
I think the Democratic Party only pays attention to Black people during election years. I think the party chases after white moderates at the expense of Black voters. One of the biggest obstacles to law enforcement reform is how the party perpetuates a false narrative about policing. I think their messaging leaves a lot to be desired. I believe they have dropped the ball on voting rights, gun reform, reparations, the filibuster, HBCUs and so much more.
I don’t understand. What’s the difference between what you wrote, what my dad says, what Black Twitter says and what Mr. Whitlock does? You’re all criticizing the same party.
Here is where the term nuance comes in.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone criticizing the Democratic Party but here is where that term nuance comes into play. Like it or not, American politics is still a two-party system and white people are going to vote for the GOP. Therefore, telling Black people not to vote or suggesting that they should vote for the GOP ultimately cedes the entire political landscape to white people and furthers the goal of white supremacy.
Why would anyone let white people determine the future for Black people? That is what your dad wants. That is what that white Republican electorate wants. That is what vote suppressors and critical race theorists and homophobes and religious zealots and anti-choice activists and gun nuts and white supremacists all want.
Criticism is like racism — the intent of one’s actions is less important than the effect of those actions. The intent may be different but the result of voting Republican is the same as the “why-vote-if-both-parties-are-all-the-same” Black contingent:
White supremacy.
So Black people should continue to vote Democrat?
No, Black people should vote for Black people.
And until there is a viable alternative that wouldn’t give all the political power to the white people, there are two choices.
One party has openly and intentionally passed laws that strip people of their voting rights. There’s one party that increases wealth inequality by filibustering legislation for a living wage, universal health care and taxing the wealthiest (pronounced “hoowyitt”) Americans. One party solicits the support of white nationalists and ignores domestic terrorists. There’s one party that wants white state legislators in charge of women’s reproductive rights. There’s one party that wants to criminalize Black history. There’s one party that wants to erase the existence of LGBTQ people. There’s one party fighting to protect the rights of assault weapons firearm manufacturers, white supremacist militias and corrupt police officers. There’s one party that tried to overturn an election. There’s one party that elected an unqualified, ignorant, inexperienced, openly white nationalist.
And the most common criticism of the other party is that they haven’t been very effective at stopping the white people.
Those two things are not the same.
Anyone who suggests Black people shouldn’t vote or that they should vote for a white nationalist, demonstrably anti-Black political operation is an opp.
I’d rather follow the Drinking God.
Thanks for explaining that, Mr. Harriot. I gotta run!
Where are you going, Racist Baby?
I’m gonna go see if I can find some new aunts!
Michael Harriot is an economist, cultural critic and championship-level Spades player. His New York Times bestseller Black AF History: The Unwhitewashed Story of America is available everywhere books are sold.
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