Michelle Obama doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about marriage or relationships.
While she and her marriage of 31 years to former President Barack Obama are regarded as #CoupleGoals for many, the former first lady opened up about marriage and the considerable amount of effort and growth it requires on the “Jay Shetty Podcast.”
“I don’t want people looking at me and Barack like ‘hashtag couples goals’ and not know that there’s some broken things that happen, even in the best of marriages,” she said.
Obama said she was opening up because, for many past generations, married folk never talked about their marriages. As a result, many contemporary couples are unprepared or have the wrong expectations.
“By not knowing you [will] hit in your relationship some natural, understandable rough patches … you want to quit,” she explained. “And it’s like, ‘Oh no, no, no. That’s not quit-worthy. That’s just the nature of things.’”
She joked, “Oh, you’re mad at your partner for a year and you think the marriage is over? No, you’re gonna have decades.”
When pressed by Shetty on what she deems “quit-worthy,” Obama said abuse, criminality, and dynamics make a partner feel oppressed in some way, but also noted that it’s up to every individual to define for themselves. However, there are plenty of opportunities to “learn from it” rather than give up, she said.
“That’s what sustaining a relationship is,” she stressed. “It’s the choice to figure it out. Not to quit when it gets hard.”
Obama described how marriages go through seasons and evolutions. Early on in their relationship, she said she and Barack would have hurt feelings that would take days to rectify.
“Year 30? It’s like, ‘Ah, there she goes again, or there he goes again,'” she teased.
She continued, “I know how to talk to him about it and when because we’ve practiced it. We’ve made a lot of mistakes. We’ve gotten it wrong. And after 31 years, we’re getting better at it, and it gets better and better.”
Obama reiterated that, above all else, the expectation that marriage is supposed to be easy or without any challenges whatsoever is a false one.
“Why do we put so much pressure on marriage to not be hard?” she questioned.
Marriage, she said, encompasses attempting to build a life with someone who “wasn’t raised in your shoes” and who has a different temperament.
“Of course, it’s gonna be hard,” she declared. “But I wouldn’t trade in my marriage for anything in the world — with all the ups and downs, with all the running-for-president stuff.”
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