Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
If you spend any amount of time on social media (and you’re Black), then there is a better than 50% chance that you’ve seen a video floating around of a young woman apologizing to her church congregation for being pregnant, and asking for prayers and forgiveness. And then you see the pastor of the church letting her, her family and the church know that she can’t have any baby showers because that would be condoning sin. Whew, Lawd, is there a lot to unpack. Since that video showed up, the church has been identified as Hampton, Virginia’s True Vine Apostolic Church of Christ, and the pastor as Bishop Terry Jackson.
As you can imagine, the Black community has been in a bit of a tizzy since then. Most of the conversation has been a condemnation of what was seen on that video, and you know what? I’m right there with anybody who feels that way. But in the name of discourse and consideration, let’s break down some of this and why it’s garnered such a reaction. Here are some thoughts, prayers and concerns about this entire situation.
1. Let’s start with the most important. I feel so sorry for that young woman who has not only been shamed by her pastor and, presumably, those in her church community but was (I assume) forced to get up there and apologize to her community for her sin. It’s her church and assuming she’s an adult or at least a young adult, then there is some choice and understanding on her part that this might happen once she found out she was pregnant. But still, even if she is there by choice and on purpose, the idea that a woman would be told she must apologize to her community for being pregnant out of wedlock is archaic, rooted in patriarchy and entirely outmoded. For the sake of some grace, I will assume the father doesn’t go to the church, or else he’d be up there, too. Maybe.
2. What in the world kind of nonsense is mandating that a free and living human cannot have a baby shower to celebrate the entrance of a child into the world? This speaks directly to the power we give pastors and why so many people have left the church and this model that gives the pastor outsized authority to dictate the lives of the congregation. ADDITIONALLY, this pastor is essentially saying that a baby shower would be celebrating the sin when that couldn’t be further from the truth; it is celebrating the new life that is entering the world. That baby, who has done nothing wrong and didn’t ask to be here, has to suffer? Is a baby shower a gift to the mother? It’s an acknowledgment of community and support. And this pastor is telling the mother she can’t have one for her daughter? While I’m sure that several people in the church believe that to be right, that mother and daughter need to do what’s best for them. There are other churches and other pastors. Unless their family built that church, it feels like it’s time to go. I acknowledge that’s my perspective as an outsider, but I don’t understand any church community that has a leader and congregants who believe shaming a woman is the right approach.
3. But again, see #1. It’s likely that they knew this was coming. I’m sure this isn’t the first time a person in the church has been publicly shamed for something or, more specifically, sin (we’re getting to that, hold tight) — so perhaps they’ve all bought into that being how you address “sinners” in that church space. This is just the first time we’ve seen it on video and it went viral. To that point, the mother of the young woman released a statement saying she stands with the pastor. So, yeah. Perhaps Bishop Jackson is just following in the footsteps of those who have come before him with the support of all of his members and following the church policy. This church is not the only one that has some outdated protocols; again, there’s a reason why the church, particularly the Black church, is hemorrhaging members despite the fact that Black prayer seems to be at an all-time high. I have nothing to support that last statement, by the way, but I live in a house with a praying woman with a praying mother so prayer feels like it’s still in the top 10 of Black activities.
4. Speaking of prayer, can we please say a prayer for all those who have sinned, are sinning, and going to sin again tonight who feel like this woman deserved this treatment because her sin is … visible? Just because nobody knows your sin doesn’t mean you aren’t sinning. All of those people sitting in those pews fall short and have fallen short of the Glory of God, including the pastor. Do I have specifics? I do not. But what I do know is that man is imperfect, and to believe that somehow this woman’s situation – one that will bring new life – is worthy of public ridicule as opposed to those who cheat on their spouses or tell a lie (any lie) or anything that could be considered a sin is ludicrous. What makes her indiscretion worse in the eyes of God? Especially to the point where the pastor felt comfortable both shaming her and then telling her she could not celebrate the new life. Again, THIS is why so many conversations continue to happen around the viability of the Black church; the continued self-righteousness, hypocrisy and lack of grace or mercy lead more people out of the door, never to return, than anything else.
5. Look, I will never venture to this church and, frankly, nor was it likely I’d ever grace the door of True Vine. What that church and its members chose to condone is not my problem. I can see this video and situation for what it is, not like it, publicly condemn it and preach that from the highest mountaintops. But if that church and its members believe that this is how you treat people, and the members follow suit and support the pastor and his rule of law, then I’m not sure what all of the public shaming will ever do.
Churches circle the wagon all of the time, not because things that happen in the church aren’t upsetting — as somebody who has the sincere misfortune of being a teenager invited to all of the adult meetings at my home church in Madison, Ala., I left a changed young man — but because that church belongs to those people and folks do not like outsiders dictating what happens inside their church. I don’t expect any amount of national attention and ridicule to impact the practices of this church one iota. However, the fact that this situation has created (or perhaps continued is more appropriate) a conversation about the vitality of the Black church and its treatment of women, in particular, is the silver lining. I hope that young woman does have all of the support she needs; I cannot imagine she’s happy that she’s become ground zero for a conversation about shame. Again, according to her mother, she willingly approached the church and agreed with what she was required to do and what was said by the pastor.
I pray that we as a community consider our practices and how they impact the entirety of believers in God and their desire to gain entry to Heaven. God is perfect; man is not, but the belief is that we do our best, and when we go astray, we ask for forgiveness. We shouldn’t sin, nor should we condone it, but the way to true repentance is not shame.
Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio and host of the award-winning podcast, “Dear Culture” on theGrio Black Podcast Network. He writes very Black things, drinks very brown liquors, and is pretty fly for a light guy. His biggest accomplishment to date coincides with his Blackest accomplishment to date in that he received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his pieces (biggest) but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID said “Unknown” (Blackest).