‘Pop The Balloon’ is the internet phenomenon that reminds me how much I don’t miss being single

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Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

I’d seen segments of “Pop The Balloon or Find Love,” the popular match-making YouTube show hosted by creator Arlette Amuli before I knew that it was an actual show. In fact, the first time I saw one of the social media clips being shared on Instagram, I assumed it was a comedy sketch some enterprising comedians had come up with as a way of mocking just how ridiculous the dating scene had become. I would soon discover it was a hugely popular dating platform that is both as entertaining as it can be vicious but most importantly it made me realize one truth: I don’t miss being single at all. 

Let’s back up. If you’re grown like me and yet hip, what is “Pop The Balloon or Find Love”? On this show, eligible singles—sometimes male sometimes female—are lined up against a white backdrop, holding a red balloon. The host, Mrs. Amuli brings out a person looking for love and the singles in a line can pop their balloon to signal a lack of connection, thereby pulling themselves out of contention for love. That would be fine, but the host also ASKS the balloon-popper why they popped their balloon to kill a connection and the answers can sometimes range from realistic and deep to absolutely fight-inducing. It’s in that question-and-answer sequence where I feel the most desire to find my wife, dap her up, and say “thank you.” She will likely never know why I’ve done this, but whew, chile. 

For instance on the latest episode—episode 46, which has over 1.3 million views in the five days since its been posted—a young woman comes out and explains what her interests are and what she’s looking for in a man, as is the standard procedure for whatever single is looking for love. Her resume and wants reads like what I’d expect from a bunch of 20- and 30-somethings looking for love on a popular dating show that drops your social media handles. She’s a customer service rep who is also a content creator and “entrepreneur.” She likes travel, fashion, and eating out. She wants a man who is respectful, ambitious, and who she can learn from. At that point, six of the seven men on the stage popped their balloon. She hadn’t said a single thing that seemed odd, to me. 

She’s an attractive woman and the first man who popped his balloon said she seems a little sassy. How he got that from the short spiel she shared is beyond me, which she, of course, took personally. The next dude thought she seemed extra. Based on…what? No idea. One dude said she was giving off “city girl” vibes. I mean, whew. Is this what the streets are like? I don’t want any parts of those streets.

I watched this woman’s little two-minute explanation of herself but I didn’t see one bit of what they saw in person. Is this every situation? Of course not. But enough of these episodes give this same energy. Like her, I’d be annoyed if I walked out and 6 out 7 men popped their balloon purely off me saying “I want a man who’s ambitious.” 

So of course, the woman who is clearly in her feelings is now validating all of the men’s impressions of her; she’s now giving sassy, and extra. Maybe those men are clairvoyant, but the point is, OUCH. 

Obviously, there are some matches that are made. I have no idea how many since quite frankly, I started getting second-hand embarrassment from some of the singles who were clearly sniping at one another. On occasion, some of the criticisms are valid, but if you’ve come for me, and I know I’m about to be on television, it’s very understandable that responses will all be in kind. It’s a lot.

Also, some of the people come up there trying to almost check the contestants, trying to prove the women or the men are as shallow or as uninteresting as they believe. In one episode (I can’t find it now), the guy trying to woo a line of women showed up dressed like he was making a high-end fashion run to CVS. When the women said they didn’t think he took the dating seriously, he pointed out he was a lawyer, and all these accomplished and amazing things to show those who popped their balloon based on first impressions what they’re missing. I was so annoyed by that guy. 

Now, to be fair, there are people who show up looking for love who are absolutely delulu. A lot of us want things from people we don’t expect from ourselves. Not to mention that some people are SO superficial that it’s comical (and makes for good TV, so to speak).

Point is, the more I watch this show the less I miss what life was like as a single man. I remember it being quite chaotic at times, largely because I was never a playboy and rediscovered that fact over and over. I can’t imagine looking for love now in the age of social media.

Look, finding love is always going to be a thing, with or without social media, but it has also amplified what it that world looks like. You see who all is out there and it isn’t always pretty. My single friends often lament their options and there are only so many times you can say, “You have to go to the right places! Or you have to put yourself out there more!” It’s probably not true; it’s just super easy to get jaded by it all. 

I applaud Arlette and her husband, Bolia Matundu, for striking gold with a concept that works and provides what I assume is very good income for them; trafficking in love is always a profitable proposition. 

But for me, I couldn’t be happier to be married. I’m good, yo. I do not miss being single at all and “Pop The Balloon or Find Love” reminds me of it with every episode. 

*Pops Balloon*

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Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio and host of the award-winning podcast, “Dear Culture” on theGrio Black Podcast Network. He writes very Black things, drinks very brown liquors, and is pretty fly for a light guy. His biggest accomplishment to date coincides with his Blackest accomplishment to date in that he received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his pieces (biggest) but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID said “Unknown” (Blackest).