Have you ever wanted something badly that simply was not intended for you? What happened when you didn’t get it? Kevin “Boss” Ross reveals a lesson he learned in high school about the value of losing and how what life has in store for you, no one else can claim.
FULL TRANSCRIPTION BELOW:
You are now listening to TheGrios black podcast network, black culture amplified.
Hi, I’m Kevin Ross. And this is The Podcast. Just Because You Claim it, Doesn’t Mean it’s For You.
In high school, at least where I attended being on the Homecoming court was a huge deal. Young ladies that were gorgeous, very popular and or incredibly involved were the only ones typically considered.
Five candidates were selected from the senior class, sophomore and junior princesses. They didn’t exist. In fact, in my 10th grade year, a Homecoming king still had never been crowned.
That would finally happen while I was an 11th grader, a tall handsome black guy named Ricky McClure who was also named the best dress singer. Of course, he was, he set the bar a high one at that. Now for reasons that were not clear at the time, it was extremely important to me that I be one of the five guys the following year
standing before the entire school at halftime. While the athletes, the actual stars running, blocking and playing their hearts out for a victory were resting up before trotting back onto the gridiron. I felt those few minutes of pomp and circumstance sandwiched in between the game were worth experiencing. The thing was you couldn’t do anything to be selected King and Queen.
You had to be nominated by your fellow classmates. Now, once the top five guys and girls were determined, it was announced that those individuals made up the court, another vote count would be tallied and the ultimate winners would be revealed on the football field during the evening’s festivities. Now, I thought my chances were better than most that
I’d be selected at the time. I was student body President involved in numerous clubs and organizations and had already been voted most popular. You couldn’t tell me at 17 years of age that I wasn’t the man.
My instincts, well, they proved correct. I made it. I wish however, it was the case that I received the news with gratitude and humility. No, in my mind, I was nominated because I deserved it. That title of Homecoming king was mine. Period. Case closed.
Never mind the other four guys, which included, by the way, my very close friend who was student body, Vice President, ran track and was voted best looking or this Japanese guy also involved in the student government who played sports, was voted best all around and had many of my Asian female classmates hearts fluttering.
There was the guy deemed most likely to succeed because he was very smart, active in many aspects of campus life and was well liked. And lastly one of the stars on the Baseball diamond, quiet guy, the buff physique. Hm. Not widely known but cool and nice enough.
That was the competition in terms of the Queen candidates. One was my girlfriend at the time. Another was my buddy’s girlfriend who was competing with me for King. So we thought it was hot that the four of us, these two couples, these power couples would be participating in this event together.
So the day arrives, right? Our pictures are on the front page of the campus newspaper. I go pick up my white tux with tails, white gloves, white shoes and a white cane. My girlfriend shows up wearing this beautiful yellow gown. We watch the game behind the scenes hidden from the audience and then it’s show time, right? Having already practiced what we were supposed to do.
Each couple boards, a stretch limousine which slowly circles the stadium until arriving at the 50 yard line on the visitor side. When that door opens, you can hear all the screaming as the band and drill team play and perform to a full house.
We take a step and there’s red carpet road out that we begin to walk down. I mean, it was surreal. I felt like some big time celebrity. The only thing left was the announcement that yours truly, Kevin Boss Ross was the 1980 Homecoming King of Gardena High School. And the winner is drum roll, please. Eric Newby. Eric Newby? The buff Baseball player. What the hell?
I demand a recount. Real talk. Yes, that was absolutely what I was thinking. See, I’m a sore loser straight out and this public defeat did not sit well at all. Now, I can’t tell you what school we played that night.
If we won what the score was or any of the details of the dance afterwards, none of it. But I specifically remember what happened the next morning. I ended up getting up late because I didn’t get back home until sometime after 1 am go into the kitchen to get something to eat. Few minutes later, my mom comes in.
Good morning hey, I replied, did you have fun last night? Yeah, we had a good time. I said considering we both lost. My mom, then proceeds to make small talk about what it was like being in the stands, observing everything and then out of nowhere. She says to me, you know, I’m glad you didn’t win.
I respond with, what did you say? Thinking I’m hearing wrong. You not being Homecoming King was probably for the best. Every thought in my head at that point was what kind of mama are you? I’m, I’m your son and you’re happy I didn’t succeed in something I really wanted.
My mother then points out to me that everything I had been striving for I was accomplishing. And while she was extremely proud of me, she was becoming concerned that my head was getting a little too big and that I needed to understand that life doesn’t always give you what you want.
In addition, it was clear to her that while the young man who won wasn’t as popular as the others, this was supposed to be his moment to be recognized and celebrated.
She, she told me you were blessed with being nominated, but God intended for someone other than you to shine last night. Be thankful, show some grace and when it’s truly yours to have, you’ll get it. Yeah, I’ma tell you,
my mother could have played it so many different ways, but this, this discernment from her was something I hadn’t truly noticed before. And to this day as I, as soon as I start comparing myself to others or complaining about what I don’t have, I literally time travel back to that morning after my high school Homecoming senior year.
Real talk. I’m so fortunate that people like my mother along with many others are still alive to keep me in check. If you look around and find there are zero people in your space who can tell you things you might not want to hear or give you the right perspective on your circumstance.
Please change that immediately and pay attention when things aren’t working out or they suddenly go left on you. Perhaps you’re focused on the wrong thing at the wrong time just because you want it or you wanna keep it, doesn’t mean it’s yours to have or continue to hold on to. And maybe just, maybe for now what you do have is enough.
I’m Kevin Ross and this is The Podcast powered by TheGrio. Follow me @IamBossRoss on Instagram and Twitter. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
